Map vs. GPS

Ok, I realize that the stereotypical man doesn’t like to ask for directions, but I know quite a few who are great with maps (especially refolding them). But now with the advent of the GPS (global positioning system), the stereotypical man is finally off the hook. If he owns one, he doesn't have to read a map or stop and ask for directions. What a terrific invention!!!
Alright, I hope you guys out there know that I'm only joking with you. But the GPS is truly a terrific invention. I was thinking... what if we could create GPS-like systems for the rest of our life.
Wouldn't it be great to have a GPS for our

• relationships?
• careers?
• spiritual lives?
• business development?
• finances?
• raising children?

Have you tried self-help courses or books or seminars to help you with any of the above? I have. They often provide terrific MAPS to get you to their 'promised land.' I have tried so many of them and they have great tips and techniques that have proven useful over my career. However, they forget to put the little "YOU ARE HERE" mark on their map and I usually end up wondering around trying to find the right road that will get me to the next road on the map. Do you ever feel like that?
Then in 2005, I found the GPS of self-help and personal development. (I know you may be thinking that I'm off my rocker, but bear with me on this and I'll share my story.)

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My Story
In 2004, my company had the senior management team attend a leadership seminar. Before we attended we had to take this weird assessment (which turned out to be the Hartman Value Profile-HVP). I am always skeptical of these assessments because I can manipulate them to say what I think my bosses want them to say.
But this one was very different, I just couldn't figure out "the catch". I mean, it asked me to rank items according to their value and the items were wacky. Here's a partial list:

• a uniform
• "With this ring, I thee wed."
• a short circuit
• Blow up an airliner in flight
• Burn a heretic at the stake
• a devoted scientist

I mean, the instructions were clear, but for some reason - because I wanted to 'figure it out' - I had a hard time with this. Finally, I gave in and just ranked them without trying to think of manipulating the assessment.
Now the rest of the seminar was a little 'out there'... literally. One of the speakers talked about the 6th dimension and extraterrestrials. But the assessment process stuck with me.
I started to research the HVP and found that it was based in the science of axiology that I discussed in my last blog entry. Science!! Now that is practical stuff that I can really delve into. (Yes, I have been called a geek before, so you won't be the first.)
I then found a company called 6 Advisors on the internet and they melded axiology with my favorite self-help book, The Greatest Salesman in the World by Og Mandino. It seemed to be a match made in heaven for me on the surface. Then, I took their HVP and received their interpretation of it. I was amazed that the assessment was able to measure HOW I THINK. I mean, really... some of the thoughts that I have, I consciously don't act upon. You probably have these kinds of thoughts too. This profile was able to know about those thoughts... the very core of my beliefs, emotions, choices, behaviors and actions.
Finally, a tool that could figure out where I was starting from... "YOU ARE HERE."

Who are you?

Do you know who you are?

It's been said that "you are what you eat". But, I'm not a salad or, if I'm being more honest, a cheeseburger and fries. The truth is that we are what and how we value. What we value and how we value are the keys to our results, our actions, our behaviors, our choices and our complete reality. Our values are the keys that unlock the doors to self-knowledge and self-acceptance.

Values are meanings, and everything of which you are conscious has meaning. Every waking minute, you are valuing or devaluing objects just by being aware of them. To be alive and alert is to be saturated with values and valuations. Had you ever thought of this before now? (Do you care? After all, that is a valuing on your part.) The immense mass of values and valuations that is your conscious life can be very confusing; but you can bring order to your initial chaos of awareness if you master some important distinctions.

Robert S. Hartman, the father of axiology, studied human value and figured out that all things fall into 3 classes of value. When you begin to understand this, it can have a huge impact on your conscious life. Here are the 3 kinds of value:

1. Extrinsic: Extrinsic value objects exist in the common, public, sensory world of space and time that we share with others. Extrinsic value objects can be compared and contrasted with other extrinsic value objects. They have a finite set of properties and are practical or situational.
2. Systemic: Systemic values do not exist in public space and time. They are not physical and perceptible things; they exist only as mental concepts constructed by our minds. They can be defined with absolute precision and every instance of them is flawless. For example, a circle that deviates slightly from being "a closed curved line with no thickness at all, every point of which is equally distant from its center" is not really a circle. These values do not have as many properties as extrinsic values and are completely conceptual and theoretical.
3. Intrinsic: Intrinsic value objects are unique, priceless, and irreplaceable. They can be valued an infinite number of ways.

So, now we're back to the question "who are you?" Remember, we are how and what we value. How you see yourself (and the rest of the world) depends on how you value yourself (and the rest of the world).

• Do you see yourself intrinsically - as a unique, irreplaceable, priceless individual?
• Or, do you see yourself extrinsically - as a person in your profession who has a finite number of characteristics or possessions?
• Or, do you see yourself systemically as an imperfect human being who doesn't measure up to what your mind thinks a true, perfect human being should be?

Here's another example from Robert Hartman on valuing his wife in each of the 3 classes of value:

• My one and only, my world, my heaven, my life (intrinsic: singular concepts, priceless, irreplaceable, incomparable)
• A good woman (extrinsic: abstract concepts, things of the everyday world, measurable, comparable)
• A female (systemic: formal concepts, mental constructs, dualistic)

You can see that how you respond to the things in your life is a direct reflection of how you value them. If Dr. Hartman only valued his wife as a female, he could easily replace her with another. If he only valued her as a good woman, it may be a bit harder, but he could replace her with another good woman. But, because he also values his wife as his "one and only", he can never find another.

Are you valuing the things in your life appropriately? Would you like to find out which of your thought processes are balanced in their capacity to value? If so, click the link to the right or below to take a free assessment. At the end, if you find the information to be accurate, intriguing, or useful, check the box to purchase your complete assessment report along with a consultation with me.

Please note that all information we receive is completely and totally confidential.

The Great Pretender

Do you remember the #1 song by The Platters from 1956? Ok, maybe you remember the song from American Graffiti in 1973? It went like this...

Oh yes, I'm the Great Pretender, pretending that I'm doing well. My need is such, I pretend too much. I'm lonely, but no one can tell...

Do you ever feel like a pretender? an imposter? When I became a consultant and had to be the expert in front of my clients, I felt a little under-qualified. As I got promoted to management roles, I often expected to get an email from my boss, saying "Just kidding! Did you really think you were manager material?"

• Have you ever felt like you didn't deserve the position or title that you were given?
• Have you ever felt like you didn't deserve the spouse or partner that you have? That you don't really deserve the terrific kids that you have?
• Did you ever think that this was all pretend and that someday you were going to wake up to a bleaker reality?

We all experience insecurities. From CEOs and Presidents to managers and parents. Sometimes we feel that we don't deserve the role that we're in. I'd like to put your mind at ease when dealing with others that may appear to be more successful or accomplished than you...

• They weren't born at that level of success.
• They, too, feel inadequate, overwhelmed and in over their heads.
• They don't feel like they belong and/or deserve what they have achieved.

Knowing these important facts should put you on equal footing with those around you that you may perceive as being more successful. This should liberate you from feeling like a great pretender.

• Be bold in marketing yourself and networking with people.
• Know that your light is your gift to the world.
• Don't hide it - someone needs you!

If you'd like to understand what thoughts are causing your feelings of insecurity or inadequacy, give me a call for our assessment. It goes beyond your personality to the level of your thought to show you what thoughts are supporting you and what thoughts are hindering you. (If you'd like a free taste test, click here.)

Valentine's Special

Ok, allow me to give a small plug for my services because I am offering a GREAT DEAL in February.

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Enhance your relationships... with your spouse, your partners, your friends! When you understand how each other thinks, you will be able to develop closer relationships with one another and have a more synergistic relationship.

• Would you like to argue less and discuss more?
• Would you like to build each other up rather than tear each other down?
• Would you like to feel better about being you and understand why you react the way that you do?

I can help with each and all of these things. Please contact me today to try our assessment. It comes with a 100% Satisfaction Guarantee! So, you have nothing to lose!

Go to http://www.breakfreeconsulting.com for more information.

Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours!!

Playing to Win vs. Playing Not to Lose

Well, since it's still football season, I seem to be thinking a lot about the game and how it is a reflection of life. Today my thoughts focus around the 'prevent' defense. How many of you hate it when your favorite team goes into the 'prevent' defense with a small lead at the end of the game?
I can't STAND it! Those Pittsburgh Steelers have gone almost 60 minutes playing their style of football according to their game plan and then just because the clock is running down, they stop doing what got them into the lead in the first place. Does anyone else have a problem with this? Why after all of the challenges and struggles of the game do they then play NOT to lose?
What causes us to play not to lose instead of continuing to play to win? Are we tired? Do we think we've done enough? Do we really think that the 'prevent' defense 30 yards off of the line of scrimmage prevents the other team from scoring any more than playing according to their game plan? What do we attribute our lead to? goodluck?
I am perplexed by this yet I see it in my life and the lives of my many successful friends. We get to a point where we're doing "ok". We think we're going to make our sales numbers... We think we're going to make our delivery deadlines... but do we really believe it?
Are our thoughts telling us that we don't deserve to win? Do we think that we are entitled to the victory if we just stay on the field until the time runs out? Are we afraid that we might lose?
Why is it that we hold back? We drive through our lives with one foot on the accelerator and the other on the brake. Dale Carnegie said, "Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy." What's holding you back and sabotaging your action?
Boy, I've asked a lot of questions today. I honestly believe that if we just focused all the way through our task and didn't get into a mode of coasting or sitting back and letting the game come to us, we would be so much more successful. So, how can we do that?
All of our actions, or lack thereof, comes from our thoughts. We could release the brake if we just knew which thoughts to believe and which thoughts to ignore. Have you ever taken a step back and analyzed how you think? Let me encourage you to do that with this shameless plug for my free assessment. Taking a free online assessment, and viewing and listening to the online debriefing can help. Click the link below to start the process.

Life is too precious to spend 'playing not to lose.' We need to grab the day by the horns and make the best investment of those 24 hours. We never get to go back and relive them again.

Make it a point not to slack or coast at the end of your day, end of your week, or end of your month. Play to win all the time, especially in the final moments - that's when your efforts may matter the most. Make the ending to each day a powerful ending and you'll never regret the effort - even if you come up short sometimes... we all do. Only by finishing strong will you know that you have laid the foundation for a terrific start in the morrow and the incredible victory that lies ahead.

Valuing Others for Success

I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but I wanted to share a situation (I've changed some of the players so as not to offend anyone, so this is not the real situation, ok?)

I was at my cousin's house watching an NFL playoff game and my cousin's all-time favorite team was playing. His kids were doing all sorts of things to stay busy and out of the way during the game. They knew that their dad would reprimand them when they walked in front of the TV. While they did interrupt a couple of times during the 3+ hours, no major infractions occurred.

Then, it happened... With time running out, Dad's favorite team was leading by 3 points and the opponent had the ball. Folks were on bended knee praying that the 'good guys' would hang on and win.

Then, the fatal error occurred. No, no, his team didn't allow the opponent to score... this error was far worse than that... his 4 y.o. son came in to ask him a question. Can you believe it!?! How could the boy do such a thing at this critical juncture in the game!! The fierce look on his face and the intense yelling that followed showed his son that the football game was far more important than he was.

How many times have we acted like dad? How many times have we allowed temporary situations to make a permanent mark on the ones we love, the ones we care about the most?

You see, often times we fall into a fantasy trap. We get so caught up in the surreal world that we tragically ignore the real world. Sure the football game was real, but the outcome of the game had very little to do with dad's future or the future of hsi family. In the big scheme of things, who would he say was more important to him, his favorite NFL team or his son?

Today I encourage you to take a look at your priorities.

• Are you valuing the people in your life as much as you are valuing the things in your life?
• In the big scheme of things, is that the way that you want it to be?
• Do you value others for "who they are" or for "what they can do for you"?
• Do your thought habits tend to pull you away from what you truly want to do?

You ARE NOT your thoughts!

You have the ability to take a step back and look at your thoughts. You can figure out what impact they are having on your life.

Some of your thoughts may be producing terrific results for you in your life. There may be others that are holding you back.

Until you are able to recognize which is which, you may not be as in control of your life as you think you are.