Success and Failure

February 2011

To continue to help you be a better leader I wanted to focus on your mindset this month. There are so many myths out there as well as stories and depictions that don't really add value or help you create success in your life or your leadership.

For example, many success gurus purport a 1953 Yale Study that proved that the 3% of graduates who wrote down their goals accounted for 97% of the class' wealth. Have you ever heard of this study? Truth is: It never happened.

How about the story that your mom told you: if you swallow your gum it will take 7 years to digest? Nope. That's not true either. (And if you ever swallowed any of that fluorescent Gator Gum, you already knew that.)

The Road to Success

How about this depiction?

It's also a myth!

It looks like the road to success goes in one direction and the road to failure goes in the opposite direction. This can create what we call the "sucker's choice". Either you have to choose success OR you have to choose failure. The sucker's choice is rarely the correct perspective.

It's another one of those myths which won't add value to your life. It is simply not the truth and will probably take away value from your life. If you continue to believe this IS the road sign of life, you can unintentionally create a sabotaging mental habit or mindset that keeps you from your success, your goals, and your dreams.

The road to success is paved with failures. Failure is the price that you pay for your success. If you spend your time trying to avoid failure, you will get what you pay for. You will probably be standing still or going in the same vicious circle you've been going in for years.

The course you take to success WILL have failure stops along the way. The real question for you is: how effectively do you manage those failures?

Read more...

Playing to Win vs. Playing Not to Lose

Well, since it's still football season, I seem to be thinking a lot about the game and how it is a reflection of life. Today my thoughts focus around the 'prevent' defense. How many of you hate it when your favorite team goes into the 'prevent' defense with a small lead at the end of the game?
I can't STAND it! Those Pittsburgh Steelers have gone almost 60 minutes playing their style of football according to their game plan and then just because the clock is running down, they stop doing what got them into the lead in the first place. Does anyone else have a problem with this? Why after all of the challenges and struggles of the game do they then play NOT to lose?
What causes us to play not to lose instead of continuing to play to win? Are we tired? Do we think we've done enough? Do we really think that the 'prevent' defense 30 yards off of the line of scrimmage prevents the other team from scoring any more than playing according to their game plan? What do we attribute our lead to? goodluck?
I am perplexed by this yet I see it in my life and the lives of my many successful friends. We get to a point where we're doing "ok". We think we're going to make our sales numbers... We think we're going to make our delivery deadlines... but do we really believe it?
Are our thoughts telling us that we don't deserve to win? Do we think that we are entitled to the victory if we just stay on the field until the time runs out? Are we afraid that we might lose?
Why is it that we hold back? We drive through our lives with one foot on the accelerator and the other on the brake. Dale Carnegie said, "Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy." What's holding you back and sabotaging your action?
Boy, I've asked a lot of questions today. I honestly believe that if we just focused all the way through our task and didn't get into a mode of coasting or sitting back and letting the game come to us, we would be so much more successful. So, how can we do that?
All of our actions, or lack thereof, comes from our thoughts. We could release the brake if we just knew which thoughts to believe and which thoughts to ignore. Have you ever taken a step back and analyzed how you think? Let me encourage you to do that with this shameless plug for my free assessment. Taking a free online assessment, and viewing and listening to the online debriefing can help. Click the link below to start the process.

Life is too precious to spend 'playing not to lose.' We need to grab the day by the horns and make the best investment of those 24 hours. We never get to go back and relive them again.

Make it a point not to slack or coast at the end of your day, end of your week, or end of your month. Play to win all the time, especially in the final moments - that's when your efforts may matter the most. Make the ending to each day a powerful ending and you'll never regret the effort - even if you come up short sometimes... we all do. Only by finishing strong will you know that you have laid the foundation for a terrific start in the morrow and the incredible victory that lies ahead.

Valuing Others for Success

I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but I wanted to share a situation (I've changed some of the players so as not to offend anyone, so this is not the real situation, ok?)

I was at my cousin's house watching an NFL playoff game and my cousin's all-time favorite team was playing. His kids were doing all sorts of things to stay busy and out of the way during the game. They knew that their dad would reprimand them when they walked in front of the TV. While they did interrupt a couple of times during the 3+ hours, no major infractions occurred.

Then, it happened... With time running out, Dad's favorite team was leading by 3 points and the opponent had the ball. Folks were on bended knee praying that the 'good guys' would hang on and win.

Then, the fatal error occurred. No, no, his team didn't allow the opponent to score... this error was far worse than that... his 4 y.o. son came in to ask him a question. Can you believe it!?! How could the boy do such a thing at this critical juncture in the game!! The fierce look on his face and the intense yelling that followed showed his son that the football game was far more important than he was.

How many times have we acted like dad? How many times have we allowed temporary situations to make a permanent mark on the ones we love, the ones we care about the most?

You see, often times we fall into a fantasy trap. We get so caught up in the surreal world that we tragically ignore the real world. Sure the football game was real, but the outcome of the game had very little to do with dad's future or the future of hsi family. In the big scheme of things, who would he say was more important to him, his favorite NFL team or his son?

Today I encourage you to take a look at your priorities.

• Are you valuing the people in your life as much as you are valuing the things in your life?
• In the big scheme of things, is that the way that you want it to be?
• Do you value others for "who they are" or for "what they can do for you"?
• Do your thought habits tend to pull you away from what you truly want to do?

You ARE NOT your thoughts!

You have the ability to take a step back and look at your thoughts. You can figure out what impact they are having on your life.

Some of your thoughts may be producing terrific results for you in your life. There may be others that are holding you back.

Until you are able to recognize which is which, you may not be as in control of your life as you think you are.

Interfering Thoughts

Have you ever said "What was I thinking?!?" in exasperation? Can you identify moments throughout your day where you are 'lost' in your thoughts and can't concentrate on what you need to concentrate on? I saw a classic example of that in the Dallas Cowboys vs. Seattle Seahawks wildcard playoff game on Saturday, January 6, 2007. Dallas was about to kick the winning field goal from less than 20 yards away with 1:19 left in the game. Yet, Tony Romo - the quarterback that saved the season bobbled the snap and ended it. All Romo had to do was catch the snap and place the football on its tip so Grammatica could kick it through the uprights. Romo had done it many times before. Yet on this particular instance, something broke his concentration and he failed to perform the simple tasks he was out there to perform. "What was he thinking?!?" is a statement that I'm sure many Cowboys fans were asking. Some people may say that it was a physical mistake - the ball slipped out of his hands. I believe it was a mental mistake. He lost concentration on his task and it resulted in the end of the season for his entire team. Luckily, we don't all live our work lives in front of thousands of screaming fans. Our mistakes aren't broadcast over the airways to millions more fans. Yet, our lapses in concentration can be just as disappointing, just as demoralizing as Tony's muffed hold. How can we avoid these lapses or, at least, lessen their occurrences? Here's one suggestion... by understanding our thoughts and learning to control those thoughts that are interfering with our success.