Dealing with Conflict

April 2011

Why does conflict happen? There are many reasons, but I want to point out the neurological reason. In the past, you've heard me talk about the amygdala. It is the part of the brain that is wired to instantaneously recognize errors and threats. So, when conversations turn from the expected to the unexpected, our biological response is one of flying fists or fleet feet when what is really needed is gentle attentiveness and intelligent persuasion.

When the amygdala is hijacked by an apparent threat, adrenaline is pumped into your blood stream. Your brain diverts blood from activities that are deemed non-essential to the high-priority task of protecting yourself (like hitting or running). The large muscles in your arms, back and legs get more blood and your brain gets less!! As a result, you are facing your conflict with the same cognitive resources as a prehistoric primate. Is it any wonder that we struggle in this area?

What can you do when this happens?  One thing you can do is recognize that the apparent threat isn't an imminent danger to your physical well-being. It's just a SPAN (something perceived as negative.)

Many people waste a lot of time and energy trying to change and control everything around them. Our society's abundance of technology and wealth creates the illusion that we can control just about everything. Many discover that this control is an illusion and become overwhelmed by the unpredictability of events. This is seen as a SPAN and a threat. Some falsely assume that because they can't control the world around them that they can't control their own lives. They get the "whatever" attitude. Others fight on and on trying to grab the illusion of control. In any case, the amygdala will recognize this as a threat.

Try to remember that you are in control of your responses. Sure, you might not be able to control your physiological reactions, but you can recognize them as just a biological reaction to an illusion. It's simply a SPAN, a gap. It's a gap between your expectation and reality. It can be a SPAN between your perception and someone else's perception. In any case, it's not really a threat! Your brain has mis-perceived the situation.  (Note: If you are feeling threatened during a conflict, there is probably at least one other person feeling threatened as well: the person on the other side of the SPAN.)

So, what can you do about it? How can you deal with this conflict?

1. Realize that if your amygdala is hijacked, someone else's may also be hijacked. Give them the benefit of the doubt! They are NOT your enemy. They, in fact, are another infinitely valuable human being just like you.
2. Ask, don't assume! What you think you understand about what someone says, how someone looks at you, what someone means by what they do, etc., may often not reflect reality at all, and more often than not lead you down a path that contains more mistrust and relationship-destroying behaviors.

Read more...

Maximizing Your Leadership

Maximizing Your Leadership

March 2011

Today we'll be talking about leadership again. I hope that is a topic that you don't mind learning more about. If you are interested in other topics as well... at the end of this newsletter is a link to a SHORT survey that will help me serve you better with upcoming newsletters. I hope you'll take a few minutes to complete it.

Now, let's get back to leadership...

Leaders (real leaders) have been studied for hundreds of years. Researchers have studied attributes, characteristics, attitudes, behaviors, personalities, intelligence, and values. What have we learned? That every leader is unique and that the truly great leaders aren’t afraid of being unique.  We’ve also learned that while personality traits, attitudes, behavior and intelligence patterns have been identified; the key to great leadership can’t be defined by these things only.

The key to great leadership is in your thinking, your mindset, your valuing habits and most importantly - how you apply these things.

Great leaders are maximizers and multipliers. Their thinking and valuing habits reflect their perspective – not only on the job but how they live their lives.

“Managers”, while trying to maximize and multiply, often have mindsets that may actually result in diminishing or minimizing.  This doesn’t happen intentionally but is usually a learned behavior or habit.

NOTE:  When I say “manager”, my intention is whose focus is on the tasks and getting the work done.  This isn’t your title but rather your role.  This isn’t who you are, but rather what you do. When I talk about a “leader”, this person is focused on leading the people who are doing the work.  My hope is that you have both manager and leader characteristics, but that you learn to focus more on the leadership side.

Let me give you some examples of what I mean here.

1. Maximizers do more asking.
   Minimizers do more telling. 
   Great leaders believe in the people they are working with. Maximizers see intelligence as continually growing and developing within their team. They assume people are smart and can and will figure things out. They see their organization as full of talented people who are capable of contributing at much higher levels. Diminishers see intelligence as something basic about a person that can’t change much. When this is the case, the Diminisher believes that they have to tell their team what to do and how to do it. Do you find yourself doing more asking or telling in your leadership roles?
   
   

Read more...

Success and Failure

February 2011

To continue to help you be a better leader I wanted to focus on your mindset this month. There are so many myths out there as well as stories and depictions that don't really add value or help you create success in your life or your leadership.

For example, many success gurus purport a 1953 Yale Study that proved that the 3% of graduates who wrote down their goals accounted for 97% of the class' wealth. Have you ever heard of this study? Truth is: It never happened.

How about the story that your mom told you: if you swallow your gum it will take 7 years to digest? Nope. That's not true either. (And if you ever swallowed any of that fluorescent Gator Gum, you already knew that.)

The Road to Success

How about this depiction?

It's also a myth!

It looks like the road to success goes in one direction and the road to failure goes in the opposite direction. This can create what we call the "sucker's choice". Either you have to choose success OR you have to choose failure. The sucker's choice is rarely the correct perspective.

It's another one of those myths which won't add value to your life. It is simply not the truth and will probably take away value from your life. If you continue to believe this IS the road sign of life, you can unintentionally create a sabotaging mental habit or mindset that keeps you from your success, your goals, and your dreams.

The road to success is paved with failures. Failure is the price that you pay for your success. If you spend your time trying to avoid failure, you will get what you pay for. You will probably be standing still or going in the same vicious circle you've been going in for years.

The course you take to success WILL have failure stops along the way. The real question for you is: how effectively do you manage those failures?

Read more...

Fear & Fearlessness

Recently, I released the latest edition of Breaking Free - my monthly newsletter that offers tips on how to be the best you can be. This month we discuss fearlessness. Do you recognize the common fears that may be getting in your way every day? Many times we don't because "we've always been that way." Some of the common fears that often times unknowingly hold us back are:

• Fear of Success
• Fear of Failure
• Fear of Change
• Fear of Loss or Death
• Fear of Self-Awareness or Introspection
• Fear of Being Judged or Embarrassment
• Fear of the Being Controlled / Out of Control
• Fear of Trusting Others or Commitment

Do any of those resonate with you?

In many cases, we have feared something for so long that we don't even recognize that it is actually fear that is holding us back.

Here are a few symptoms that can be attributed to fear:

• Procrastination, Laziness
• Absentmindedness
• Anxiety, Stress
• Social Withdrawal, Distrust
• Restlessness - always busy, busy, busy
• Overanalyzing or Perfectionism
• Inability to stay in the "Now"
• Frustration, Guilt, Obligation

Do any of those resonate with you?

If so, read the rest of my newsletter on my website. Go to http://www.breakfreeconsulting.com/newsletters/200711-fearlessness.htm.

Back To School

Recently I published my latest newsletter....

Yes, it's that time of year again. Whether you have children or not, I'm sure that you will in some way be affected by the back to school crowds. The roads will be more crowded. You'll have the flashing lights that make you drive slower through the school zones. You may have to run the kids around to different extracurricular activities in the evenings. There is a lot going on at first, but then we should all fall back into the familiar routine.

So, my question today is: The kids are back in school. Are you?

Ray Kroc once asked it this way: Are you green and growing or ripe and rotting?

Go to http://www.breakfreeconsulting.com/newsletters/200709-backtoschool.htm to read more!!

Stress and "Happily Ever After"

We hear so much these days about how stress is destroying people's lives... their physical health, their mental health, their relationships, their careers. People 'burn-out' all the time (whether they'd like to admit it or not.) Many times they just want to quit... get out of the rat race... go to a far, far away island where they can live happily ever after.

Where is this land of "Happily Ever After"?

The sad truth is that it exists only in our imagination.

So, where does all this stress in your life come from? I have a suggestion... it comes from one central location... your imagination.

Ok, ok, I can hear you screaming at me already...

• IS IT MY IMAGINATION THAT MY BOSS IS A JACK*$$ or EXPECTS SO MUCH FROM ME?
• IS IT MY IMAGINATION THAT MY TEAM WON'T FOLLOW MY LEAD or HAS PEOPLE ON IT THAT DON'T DO WHAT THEY SAY THEY'RE GOING TO DO?
• IS IT MY IMAGINATION THAT MY BUSINESS IS NOT GROWING or I CAN'T FIND THE RIGHT PEOPLE FOR THE JOB?
• IS IT MY IMAGINATION THAT I'M OVERWEIGHT/UNDERWEIGHT?
• IS IT MY IMAGINATION THAT MY SPOUSE IS A LOSER?
• IS IT MY IMAGINATION ( fill in the blank )?

No, no. That's not what I'm saying. Please let me continue before you get all riled up.

In this world, we are placed under a lot of expectations. Here are just a few:

• We're expected to work longer, harder, smarter, faster.
• We're expected to be passionate, caring, thoughtful, gracious with are friends, co-workers and partners.
• We're expected to 'give back' to our communities, to deserving charities and other good causes.
• We're expected to be successful, to make a lot of money, to have a lot of friends, to be up-to-date on all the latest news.
• We're expected to be healthy, "normal" weight, in good physical condition.

Where do these expectations come from and why do we live under them?

I propose that you get out from under the expectations of the world!!

I'm not saying to discard your goals and dreams. Quite the contrary, I believe that you should focus on YOUR goals and dreams, on what YOU aspire to become and not put so much emphasis on what "THEY" say.

Here are some thoughts...

• What if you were able to realize that your stress was coming from your own mind and its acceptance of the measures of other people?
• What if you could decide on your own measurement for YOUR success?

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make your feel inferior without your permission."

In fact, no one can make you feel any emotion without your permission. No one can make you feel stress without your permission!!

How can that be? Well, it seems that most stress comes from cognitive dissonance. Ok, that's just a fancy expression for the difference between where you currently are and where you think you should be. Here's the best part... YOU control where YOU think YOU should be. You may decide, consciously or unconsciously, to relinquish that control to your boss, your partner, your kids, your parents, or even the collective "they" (whom I still have yet to meet). But the decision and the control is yours and yours alone.

So, if you decide to cling to the expectation that your life should be lived in the "Happily Ever After", you should realize that you will probably miss out on the "Pretty Terrific Now". You see, when you learn to focus on today and learn to use your gifts, your talents, your uniqueness to make YOUR dreams and goals come true, you will find that you already have what it takes to get to where you want to be.

It's amazing how your stress can be reduced when you focus on the "Now" instead of the "could've", "should've", "would've" and the "ought to", "must", "have to" that the world of "Happily Ever After" places you.

Spend some time thinking about YOU and your "Pretty Terrific Now". You can be the master of your thoughts, the master of your imagination and choose to use it for YOUR good instead of 'evil'. :)

Crabs in a Basket

• Have you ever noticed that the critics don't criticize the people 'beneath' them?
• Have you ever noticed anyone trying to knock someone UP onto a pedestal?
• Do you ever hear anyone saying 'it's crowded at the top'?

I must confess that there were times in my life that I did everything to avoid criticism. I guess you could call me a people-pleaser. I mean, who really wants someone to be upset with them, right?

But our society is all about levels and some people believe that if someone is above them they should try to knock them down. There is another alternative... they could strive to rise up and join them.

I once heard a story that is said to be an old African adage. It goes something like this...

Do you know how to keep a crab in a basket without putting the lid on?

It's simple... put 2 or more crabs in the basket. Once one starts to climb above the other, the lower crab will reach up and pull the rising crab back down.

Now, you don't see crabs displaying this behavior when they are on the beach on the open sand. They only exhibit this behavior when they see one rising above the other. I read an article at AuthorsDen.com in which some people said that it isn't the CRAB'S fault - it's the BASKET'S fault. If the basket had been a flat, unimposing structure, the crabs would never try to defeat each other. One even went on to say, “Keep looking to the top of the basket in order to get out or better yet, we shouldn’t even get into the same basket in the first place.”

Ok, that's an interesting approach. As an athlete, I loved to get into a basket where the players were better than me. I believed that they could help me get better. It appears, however, that some folks see the challenge of multiple crabs in a basket as an unnecessary evil. I mean, wouldn't it be nice if we could all isolate ourselves in our own little baskets. (I think not.) I guess it's a lot easier not to try than to try and fail... that it's a lot easier to stay out of the crowded basket than to realize that someone may have worked longer, harder and smarter to get to the top before you.

So, I have a few questions for you...

• Do you ever find yourself being a crab at the bottom of the basket?
• Do you ever root for someone's failure whom you may think is 'above' you in the basket?
• Does your mind tell you that if someone is at the top, they must've cheated to get there?
• Do your thoughts tell you that those at the top of the basket are probably miserable and alone?
• Do you ever blame circumstances for your location in the basket?
• Do you find that you avoid attempts to climb out of the basket to avoid the criticism of others?

All of those thoughts are very dangerous and will keep you from RISING above.

Let me ask you a question: what's the best way to cross a minefield?

The answer: follow in the footsteps of someone who has already done it. I say that NOT to discourage you from finding your own way. Instead, I say that to encourage you to embrace those who have gone before you, those who have risen to where you want to be. As you follow in their footsteps you will soon develop your own confidence... the confidence you need to then chart your own course and rise above the criticism of the crabs below.

Don't let your thoughts fall to the bottom of the basket. Rise up and choose to think thoughts that support your success. We have enough negativity in this world and it seems very easy for our minds to go there.

Today, choose to look at those crabs in the basket above you and encourage them to show you the path to the top. Instead of being threatened by their success, you will become a part of it.

Procrastination

Today, I have been procrastinating. Yes, I admit it. Have you ever done that? Probably not, but just in case, let's talk about it. ;-)

• How often do you know you should do something but just don't?
• Do you have things that you should be doing but instead you fill your time with meaningless or mindless tasks? (Like today, I deleted some files and defragmented my hard drive instead of making phone calls and setting up appointments.)

In my coaching business, I find that quite a few (ok, all of my clients) have suffered from this deadly disease at one time or another. Why did I say "deadly"? Well, procrastination kills... it kills time. More importantly, it kills YOUR time. That's something that you can never get back.

As Og Mandino says in Scroll V of his extraordinary book "The Greatest Salesman in the World":

I will live this day as if it is my last. I have but one life and life is naught but a measurement of time. When I waste one I destroy the other. If I waste today I destroy the last page of my life. Therefore, each hour of this day will I cherish for it can never return. It cannot be banked today to be withdrawn on the morrow for who can trap the wind?

So, how do we overcome this disease of procrastination? Well, I told you Og's book is extraordinary. Let's take a look at Scrolls IX and V (respectively):

I will act now. My procrastination which has held me back was born of fear and now I recognize this secret mined from the depths of all courageous hearts. Now I know that to conquer fear I must always act without hesitation and the flutters in my heart will vanish. Now I know that action reduces the lion of terror to an ant of equanimity.

I will avoid with fury the killers of time. Procrastination I will destroy with action; doubt I will bury under faith; fear I will dismember with confidence. Where there are idle mouths I will listen not; where there are idle hands I will linger not; where there are idle bodies I will visit not. Henceforth I know that to court idleness is to steal food clothing, and warmth from those I love. I am not a thief. I am a man of love and today is my last chance to prove my love and my greatness. I will live this day as if it is my last.

So, as I write this today. I'm not just writing for you. I'm writing to remind myself that the time I spent procrastinating today was time that I chose to live in fear. All I had to do was chose a different focus in my mind. I could've chosen to focus on action - action cures fear!

I'm betting that tomorrow will be a better day for me. Again I will borrow Og's words:

I will act now. Success will not wait. If I delay she will become betrothed to another and lost to me forever. This is the time. This is the place.

I will live this day as if it is my last. And if it is my last it will be my greatest monument. This day I will make the best day of my life. This day I will drink every minute to its full. I will savor its taste and give thanks. I will maketh every hour count and each minute I will trade only for something of value. I will labor harder than ever before and push my muscles until they cry for relief, and then I will continue. I will make more calls than ever before. I will sell more goods than ever before. I will earn more gold than ever before. Each minute of today will be more fruitful than hours of yesterday. My last must be my best.

I will live this day as if it is my last. And if it is not, I shall fall to my knees and give thanks.

I hope that you make the most of today and are blessed with an even better tomorrow.

If you'd like a copy of Og's book, click this link:

Team-work OR Team-play?

Which buzz words are the most over-hyped in business?

Is it leadership? Empowerment? Synergy? Strategic? How about teamwork?

Today I'm going to pick on teamwork. When I looked up the word "team" in the dictionary, here is some of what I found...

1. A group on the same side, as in a game.
2. A group organized to work together: a team of engineers.
3. A brood or flock.
4. Two or more draft animals used to pull a vehicle or farm implement. - A vehicle along with the animal or animals harnessed to it. - A group of animals exhibited or performing together, as horses at an equestrian show.
5. Synonyms: combine, unite, ally, merge.

The word team traces back to thousands of years and literally means "that which draws or pulls".

So, then I looked up "work" and here's what I found...

1. exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor; toil.
2. to act or operate effectively: The pump will not work. The plan works.
3. Synonyms: drudgery, labor, toil

It appears to me as if the word "work" isn't needed after "team". A "team" by definition is a group of individuals working together to achieve something.

Mayabe that's why people don't say "It's the power of the teamwork", right? They simply say it's about "the power of the team".

So, who added the "work" onto the end of the word? I think it was someone trying to make up their own buzzword so that they could make money. ;)

When I think of the successful teams that I've been on, it never really seemed like work to me. I was just playing my part. Even when there was a lot of pressure, if I was a) playing on the right team and b) playing the right part, the stress wasn't as great as just one of those things being out of whack.

Work has a negative connotation in our society these days. You've probably heard the saying "If it was supposed to be fun, they wouldn't call it work." So why has someone added the word "work" onto the word "team".

I propose that starting today, you delete the buzzword "teamwork" from your vocabulary. Whether you are a business owner, executive, project manager, director... regardless of your leadership role, look at yourself as a "coach". It is you privilege to get your team to play together to achieve their goal.

I also propose that you look at these two questions:

As a leader, what kind of players do you have on your team?

• Are they in the right role?
• Are they even on the right team?

What kind of environment are you setting for your team?

• Is it one of "teamwork"?
• Is it one of "teamplay"?

Play: v act or have an effect in a specified way or with a specific effect or outcome; to perform, participate or act; cause to move or operate freely within a bounded space.

The word "play" comes from plega which means "recreation, exercise, any brisk activity". Doesn't that sound much better than "labor, toil, and drudgery"?

I encourage you to take a look at your roles. Are they more like drudgery and labor? Or, are they more like recreation and exercise?

Focus on TEAM PLAY, instead of teamwork. It's easy to do and you are in complete control of doing it - you don't even need your team to accomplish this. Focusing is about YOU and your thoughts. Choose your thoughts and practice replacing teamwork with team play.

You should notice that your stress is eased a bit just by the thought of team play. When you truly believe that your success is dependent more on team play than team work, you will start to create a less stressful environment for your team. When your team feels less stress, they will play better.

"Work" can be fun if you take time to focus on the "play" aspect of performing your tasks. As a leader, you "set the stage" for your team play.

Choose Your Focus carefully

We have all heard that we should focus on the positive... have a positive mental attitude... keep our eyes on the prize. So, what does all that stuff really mean?

Today I want to talk about moving forward. Many times in life we get stuck in a certain spot. I propose that it's because we are not focused on thoughts that will keep us moving forward.

• How often do you spend time focusing on past failures?
• How often do you focus on the problems?
• Do you think about the drama of your daily situations?
• Do you ever get stuck in the details?

Let's take a look at the 5 "floors" or levels of our focus:

1st floor: Drama

This is the floor that we usually walk in on (if we don't consciously choose to go to the stairs or the elevator). Drama is the place where we talk about the peripheral stories and occurrences in life. We'll hear stories about blunders, mishaps, and other 'tragedies'. These discussions usually contain a great deal of negative emotion including disgust, despair and possibly even grieving about missed opportunities or failed attempts.

2nd floor: Dilemmas

As we take the stairs to the next level, we find dilemmas. Here the focus is on the issues, challenges and problems that impede progress. Emotions associated with this area are usually disempowering, frustration and disappointment. We are focused more on what is wrong with the situation than with what is right.

3rd floor: Details

As we ascend to the Details 'floor', we notice that the focus is now on doing the activities that must take place on our journey. Most people are very comfortable here because its a practical place. You get to focus on your specific tasks. There is usually low emotion at this level because we're usually doing something that is familiar to us.

4th floor: Design

Up one more level is the Design floor. This is where the planning takes place. This is where we craft the path to get to our dreams, aspirations, and goals. This is the 'thinking' before the 'doing' of the details. There may be some heated discussions at this stage, but it is good to get all the ideas out on the table so that the best path forward is selected. Emotions attached to this phase can be excitement and anticipation.

5th floor: Dream

Finally we get to the top floor where the focus is on the Dream... the "big" picture, the collective vision. From this vantage point we can see possibility and purpose. Our focus is on our aspirations and our goals usually accompanied with the positive emotions of motivation and inspiration.

As leaders, let's ask ourselves a couple of questions?

• On which floor does most of my thinking take place?
• On which floor does most of my conversations occur?

Statistics have shown that over 85% of the conversations take place on the 1st through 3rd floors. These are conversations that deal with the minutia, the challenges, and the anecdotal parts of life. While these conversations are interesting, they are not all that useful to moving forward.

I mean, many people can't resist the gossip of the entertainment world. (Is Brittany Spears still in rehab? Has her hair grown back yet?) While that is interesting, it really isn't all that useful to your life.

Take a look at the last conversation you had with your spouse, your co-worker, your child, your friend, your boss. On which 'floor' were you focusing?

• Were you taking the high road and focusing on your shared dreams or designs?
• Were you focused on the lower roads of the details, the dilemmas and the drama?

Most of the focus on the lower floors is actually focus on things that you DON'T want. Focusing on what you don't want actually reinforces those thought processes and takes you closer to what you don't want.

Look at it this way... have you ever noticed that when you decide to buy a new car that you see that make and model of car everywhere on the road? Is it just because everyone else had your idea as well? No. It's because your mind has a filter. It can't possibly process every single thing that you see every single day. It would quickly be overloaded. When you decide to get a new car, your brain removes the filter for that car and you are then able to notice it everywhere you look. Your brain works that same way with all of the other things you focus on.

What you choose to focus on, you will see!

DREAMS DESIGN Details Dilemmas Drama

(I'm trying to practice what I preach and not say "Don't focus on the DILEMMAS and DRAMA." Because that would be focusing you on what I don't want you to focus on, which actually makes you focus on it.) ;)

Let me conclude by offering you this advice...

If you're a leader - project manager, parent, pastor, executive, business owner, trainer, educator, etc.:

• Be conscious of your focus!!
• Look closely at your focus when talking with your team.
• Choose to keep most of your conversations at the DREAMS and DESIGN levels. Your team will naturally take care of the DETAILS.

All the best!!

So you think you've failed? (Part 2)

Ok, last time we borrowed a story from the Bible to talk a little about the fear of failure by giving you an example of a real mess-up by Abraham. Today, we're going to look at another story from the Bible about David.

This time we will go to 2 Samuel. Here is our main character David:

One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, "Isn't this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?" Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (She had purified herself from her uncleanness.) Then she went back home. The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, "I am pregnant." (2 Samuel 11:2-5)

Oh dear, we have a little problem here. So much for that "Thou shalt not commit adultery" command, huh? It turns out that David slept with Uriah's wife and got her pregnant. That could be considered a failure on a couple of points, right? But, that's not all! As we read on, we find out that Uriah is a soldier in David's army and is off fighting in a war. So, there is no possibility that Bathsheba's baby could be Uriah's child.

Then, David has an idea... if he could bring Uriah back to town for a night and send him home to his wife, Uriah would surely have relations with Bathsheba and then David would be off the hook. Brilliant! One teeny, tiny problem... Uriah did come to town but he didn't spend the night with his wife.

When David was told, "Uriah did not go home," he asked him, "Haven't you just come from a distance? Why didn't you go home?" Uriah said to David, "The ark and Israel and Judah are staying in tents, and my master Joab and my lord's men are camped in the open fields. How could I go to my house to eat and drink and lie with my wife? As surely as you live, I will not do such a thing!" Then David said to him, "Stay here one more day, and tomorrow I will send you back." So Uriah remained in Jerusalem that day and the next. At David's invitation, he ate and drank with him, and David made him drunk. But in the evening Uriah went out to sleep on his mat among his master's servants; he did not go home. (2 Samuel 11:10-13)

Ok, just what David needed an honorable soldier in his army. So Uriah didn't do what David had hoped that he'd do. Uriah, being the dedicated soldier that he was, was not going to enjoy the pleasures of home while his comrades were out in the field. So, David had to come up with yet another brilliant idea. He decided to get Uriah all liquored-up so that in his drunkenness he would stumble home and possibly then, Uriah wouldn't know if he had slept with his wife or not. But, David was foiled again! Now what was he going to do? Bathsheba was still pregnant and it couldn't be her husband's child. David had one more plan up his sleeve... (desperate times call for desperate measures, right?)

In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it with Uriah. In it he wrote, "Put Uriah in the front line where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die." So while Joab had the city under siege, he put Uriah at a place where he knew the strongest defenders were. When the men of the city came out and fought against Joab, some of the men in David's army fell; moreover, Uriah the Hittite died. (2 Samuel 11:14-17)

Did you catch that? David had Uriah carry a note back to his commander that told the commander to make sure the Uriah died in the next battle. Now there's a picture of audacity for you.

So, it happened as David so ordered and then...

When Uriah's wife heard that her husband was dead, she mourned for him. After the time of mourning was over, David had her brought to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing David had done displeased the LORD. (2 Samuel 11:26-27)

It seems as though David got what he wanted even if he made God mad, right? Well, as the story progresses, we find out that Bathsheba and David's son dies because the Lord was 'displeased'. However, David and Bathsheba did have another son, Solomon, whom God blessed beyond measure. Many experts will tell you that Solomon was the richest and wisest man to ever live on this earth.

As for David... well, in Acts 13:22, God describes David by saying, 'I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.' Isn't that the ultimate compliment?! David was a man after God's own heart.

Does that seem at all weird to you? God actually blesses a man who committed adultery? Yep, that's what it says.

So, what can we learn from this story?

1. Even the best intentioned people fail sometimes - and fail BIG. This is nothing that we should be afraid of. David failed often (just like Abraham in the previous blog entry), but he never gave up.
2. Failure is not final and can be overcome. David continued to learn and grow and do his very best to serve. He was truly sorry for his mistakes and did his best to make up for them.
3. What do you have to worry about anyway? It's not like your failure is going to be published in the Bible! So, you live with it for a few days, weeks, years. Look, David's failures are timelessly recorded in the #1 best seller of all of eternity. (And you were worried about what your boss said in that email. ;)

Sometimes our very best isn't good enough in the world's eyes, but it's really all that we have to offer at that time. When you act with pure intentions, it may not always turn out as you expected but you will always have your integrity and you will have strengthened your mind, your heart, your body and your soul.

I want to encourage you to look your fear of failure directly in the eye and realize that it's just one of the thoughts that is in your mind. You can choose at any time to think another thought - try it!

Instead of fearing possible failure, what would you dare to accomplish if you knew you couldn't fail? Go on, give it a try. I promise that if you mess up, it won't be as bad as you imagined AND it won't be published in the Bible for all to see.

(All Bible quotes are from the New International Version.)

So you think you've failed? (Part 1)

As I coach, I am blessed to have the opportunity to connect with people in a deep and meaningful way. I have talked with CEOs, moms, VPs, pastors, business owners, sales professionals, and consultants. One thing that is frequently appears throughout the conversations is the fear of failure.

So, today I wanted to share a story with you. Many of you may recognize it because it is well over 2000 years old. I am hoping that I can give you a new perspective that puts it in a little different light. It's a story from the Bible about a man named Abram.

Here's how it goes from Genesis 12:1-4 of the Bible...

The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you. "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you." So Abram left, as the LORD had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Haran.

Ok, now here we have our protagonist, Abram, who was asked by God to go somewhere. God didn't give him directions, He just said that He would show Abram the way. WOW! How trusting of Abram to just pick up everything and go!

So what did Abram do? Let's read a few more verses... (Gen 12:10-16)

Now there was a famine in the land, and Abram went down to Egypt to live there for a while because the famine was severe. As he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai, "I know what a beautiful woman you are. When the Egyptians see you, they will say, 'This is his wife.' Then they will kill me but will let you live. Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you."

When Abram came to Egypt, the Egyptians saw that she was a very beautiful woman. And when Pharaoh's officials saw her, they praised her to Pharaoh, and she was taken into his palace. He treated Abram well for her sake, and Abram acquired sheep and cattle, male and female donkeys, menservants and maidservants, and camels.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?! Abram ran into a little trouble (ok, a famine) and then brokered a deal with his WIFE. He thought they, the Egyptians, would kill him to take his wife, so Abram basically SOLD HIS WIFE to the Pharoah for lots and lots of things. Today we'd call him the lowest of pimps, right?

I mean, he did get all kinds of good stuff for her... today it would've been MP3 players, SUVs, mansions with maids and butlers, HDTV with DVR as well as ca$h - just terrific stuff. I mean, terrific if you don't mind putting a price on your wife.

So then what happened? (Gen 12:17-20)

But the LORD inflicted serious diseases on Pharaoh and his household because of Abram's wife Sarai. So Pharaoh summoned Abram. "What have you done to me?" he said. "Why didn't you tell me she was your wife? Why did you say, 'She is my sister,' so that I took her to be my wife? Now then, here is your wife. Take her and go!" Then Pharaoh gave orders about Abram to his men, and they sent him on his way, with his wife and everything he had.

So God punished the Pharoah because Abram lied to him! Is that whacked? In today's world, we'd look at Abram and call him a real swindler.

In Abram's own eyes, he was a total failure. Here was a good man making a BIG mistake. But, God knew he was trying to do his very best and so Abram (Abraham) was rewarded anyway.

You may think that is the end of the story, but it's not. Look what Abraham did in Genesis 20:1-3.

Now Abraham moved on from there into the region of the Negev and lived between Kadesh and Shur. For a while he stayed in Gerar, and there Abraham said of his wife Sarah, "She is my sister." Then Abimelech king of Gerar sent for Sarah and took her. But God came to Abimelech in a dream one night and said to him, "You are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken; she is a married woman."

Yes, you read that correctly! Abraham (formerly known as Abram) told the king that his wife was his sister. His excuse (see if this sounds familiar):

And Abimelech asked Abraham, "What was your reason for doing this?" Abraham replied, "I said to myself, 'There is surely no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife.'

And what happened to Abraham?

Then Abimelech brought sheep and cattle and male and female slaves and gave them to Abraham, and he returned Sarah his wife to him. And Abimelech said, "My land is before you; live wherever you like." To Sarah he said, "I am giving your brother a thousand shekels of silver. This is to cover the offense against you before all who are with you; you are completely vindicated."

So, while Abraham was truly trying to do his best, he sold off his wife TWICE! In exchange for his wife, he received lots of cool stuff. And, even when his beautiful wife was returned to him, he still got to keep all the cool stuff AND more.

My message to you today isn't a religious one. There are 2 points to it:

1. Don't be afraid to follow your heart - even if you're not quite sure where it leads you. God kept his promise to Abraham even though Abraham messed up a few times. Gen 12:2 "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing." Gen 22:17-18 "I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me."
2. In all that you do, do it with integrity, honesty and always give it your best. That doesn't mean that you won't fail - we all do. What it means is that your failure can still be rewarding to you. Abraham's failures were rewarding to him. Now, I'm not suggesting that you try to sell off your spouse - although some of you may think that is a good idea at times. ;) Be true to you - your heart and your soul - and no matter what circumstances may appear, you will not be a failure.

Come on, go do that thing today that you have been fearing. Do it with the best intentions. You can cure your fear of failure by taking action today!

Map vs. GPS

Ok, I realize that the stereotypical man doesn’t like to ask for directions, but I know quite a few who are great with maps (especially refolding them). But now with the advent of the GPS (global positioning system), the stereotypical man is finally off the hook. If he owns one, he doesn't have to read a map or stop and ask for directions. What a terrific invention!!!
Alright, I hope you guys out there know that I'm only joking with you. But the GPS is truly a terrific invention. I was thinking... what if we could create GPS-like systems for the rest of our life.
Wouldn't it be great to have a GPS for our

• relationships?
• careers?
• spiritual lives?
• business development?
• finances?
• raising children?

Have you tried self-help courses or books or seminars to help you with any of the above? I have. They often provide terrific MAPS to get you to their 'promised land.' I have tried so many of them and they have great tips and techniques that have proven useful over my career. However, they forget to put the little "YOU ARE HERE" mark on their map and I usually end up wondering around trying to find the right road that will get me to the next road on the map. Do you ever feel like that?
Then in 2005, I found the GPS of self-help and personal development. (I know you may be thinking that I'm off my rocker, but bear with me on this and I'll share my story.)

_________________________________________________

My Story
In 2004, my company had the senior management team attend a leadership seminar. Before we attended we had to take this weird assessment (which turned out to be the Hartman Value Profile-HVP). I am always skeptical of these assessments because I can manipulate them to say what I think my bosses want them to say.
But this one was very different, I just couldn't figure out "the catch". I mean, it asked me to rank items according to their value and the items were wacky. Here's a partial list:

• a uniform
• "With this ring, I thee wed."
• a short circuit
• Blow up an airliner in flight
• Burn a heretic at the stake
• a devoted scientist

I mean, the instructions were clear, but for some reason - because I wanted to 'figure it out' - I had a hard time with this. Finally, I gave in and just ranked them without trying to think of manipulating the assessment.
Now the rest of the seminar was a little 'out there'... literally. One of the speakers talked about the 6th dimension and extraterrestrials. But the assessment process stuck with me.
I started to research the HVP and found that it was based in the science of axiology that I discussed in my last blog entry. Science!! Now that is practical stuff that I can really delve into. (Yes, I have been called a geek before, so you won't be the first.)
I then found a company called 6 Advisors on the internet and they melded axiology with my favorite self-help book, The Greatest Salesman in the World by Og Mandino. It seemed to be a match made in heaven for me on the surface. Then, I took their HVP and received their interpretation of it. I was amazed that the assessment was able to measure HOW I THINK. I mean, really... some of the thoughts that I have, I consciously don't act upon. You probably have these kinds of thoughts too. This profile was able to know about those thoughts... the very core of my beliefs, emotions, choices, behaviors and actions.
Finally, a tool that could figure out where I was starting from... "YOU ARE HERE."

What are the Oscars really about?

They say that 1 BILLION people watched the Academy of Motion Picture Awards show this year. WOW! That is 1/6 of the people on this earth. OK, I admit, I was one of them for a period of time.

So what are these awards really about?

• Is it about recognizing people for their achievement in the motion picture industry?
• Is it focused on the lives of the nominees and the winners?
• Is it about freedom of expression?
• Is it about political and/or moral rights and wrongs?

If it is about any of the above, you would never know it by the post-coverage of the event on the US newscasts. Without fail every report that I saw on the major TV networks talked about the clothes that the attendees were wearing. THE CLOTHES!

What does that say about our values as a society? If we look at my previous blog and review the 3 classes of value, we will see that most of the evening focused on the EXTRINSIC values. Yet, the most moving and meaningful moments of the evening were the moments that touched our hearts. Two stand out in my mind...

1. Jennifer Hudson
2. Forest Whitaker

These 2 wonderful, gifted human beings focused on INTRINSIC values. These are the values that move us... they touch our hearts, our minds, our souls.

Jennifer's acceptance speech was so... REAL! She was truly thankful to her God for allowing her to be in this place in her life. She was overwhelmed by the response to her 'gift'. Amazing!

Now, Forest Whitaker also had an acceptance speech that focused on intrinsic values. He said in his speech...

"Because when I first started acting, it was because of my desire to connect to everyone. To that thing inside each of us. That light that I believe exists in all of us. Because acting for me is about believing in that connection and it's a connection so strong, it's a connection so deep, that we feel it. And through our combined belief, we can create a new reality."

These are the things that you should try to focus on today. Focus on making that connection to other people in this world (regardless of what clothes they are wearing). People is where the true value, the true uniqueness, the irreplaceableness of our universe exists.

If you make that connection with another human being, setting aside your needs, desires, and fears - without the need to fix, feel ashamed, fear, or pretend - you will feel as though you made a difference.

Use that light that exists within you to connect to another person today!

Who are you?

Do you know who you are?

It's been said that "you are what you eat". But, I'm not a salad or, if I'm being more honest, a cheeseburger and fries. The truth is that we are what and how we value. What we value and how we value are the keys to our results, our actions, our behaviors, our choices and our complete reality. Our values are the keys that unlock the doors to self-knowledge and self-acceptance.

Values are meanings, and everything of which you are conscious has meaning. Every waking minute, you are valuing or devaluing objects just by being aware of them. To be alive and alert is to be saturated with values and valuations. Had you ever thought of this before now? (Do you care? After all, that is a valuing on your part.) The immense mass of values and valuations that is your conscious life can be very confusing; but you can bring order to your initial chaos of awareness if you master some important distinctions.

Robert S. Hartman, the father of axiology, studied human value and figured out that all things fall into 3 classes of value. When you begin to understand this, it can have a huge impact on your conscious life. Here are the 3 kinds of value:

1. Extrinsic: Extrinsic value objects exist in the common, public, sensory world of space and time that we share with others. Extrinsic value objects can be compared and contrasted with other extrinsic value objects. They have a finite set of properties and are practical or situational.
2. Systemic: Systemic values do not exist in public space and time. They are not physical and perceptible things; they exist only as mental concepts constructed by our minds. They can be defined with absolute precision and every instance of them is flawless. For example, a circle that deviates slightly from being "a closed curved line with no thickness at all, every point of which is equally distant from its center" is not really a circle. These values do not have as many properties as extrinsic values and are completely conceptual and theoretical.
3. Intrinsic: Intrinsic value objects are unique, priceless, and irreplaceable. They can be valued an infinite number of ways.

So, now we're back to the question "who are you?" Remember, we are how and what we value. How you see yourself (and the rest of the world) depends on how you value yourself (and the rest of the world).

• Do you see yourself intrinsically - as a unique, irreplaceable, priceless individual?
• Or, do you see yourself extrinsically - as a person in your profession who has a finite number of characteristics or possessions?
• Or, do you see yourself systemically as an imperfect human being who doesn't measure up to what your mind thinks a true, perfect human being should be?

Here's another example from Robert Hartman on valuing his wife in each of the 3 classes of value:

• My one and only, my world, my heaven, my life (intrinsic: singular concepts, priceless, irreplaceable, incomparable)
• A good woman (extrinsic: abstract concepts, things of the everyday world, measurable, comparable)
• A female (systemic: formal concepts, mental constructs, dualistic)

You can see that how you respond to the things in your life is a direct reflection of how you value them. If Dr. Hartman only valued his wife as a female, he could easily replace her with another. If he only valued her as a good woman, it may be a bit harder, but he could replace her with another good woman. But, because he also values his wife as his "one and only", he can never find another.

Are you valuing the things in your life appropriately? Would you like to find out which of your thought processes are balanced in their capacity to value? If so, click the link to the right or below to take a free assessment. At the end, if you find the information to be accurate, intriguing, or useful, check the box to purchase your complete assessment report along with a consultation with me.

Please note that all information we receive is completely and totally confidential.

"I will greet this day with love in my heart"

When I was about 23 years old, I was introduced to the book titled "The Greatest Salesman in the World" by Og Mandino. That book truly changed my life.

Scroll II is titled "I will greet this day with love in my heart". It is so beautifully written that I wanted include a few excerpts here on Valentine's Day. Take a look at it and see if you are in the habit of applying these principles to your life.

I will greet this day with love in my heart.

And how will I do this? Henceforth, will I look on all things with love and I will be born again. I will love the sun for it warms my bones; yet I will love the rain for it cleanses my spirit. I will love the light for it shows me the way; yet I will love the darkness for it shows me the stars. I will welcome happiness for it enlarges my heart; yet I will endure sadness for it opens my soul. I will acknowledge rewards for they are my due; yet I will welcome obstacles for they are my challenge.

Is this how you look at the world?

I will greet this day with love in my heart.

And how will I act? I will love all manners of men for each has qualities to be admired even though they be hidden. With love I will tear down the wall of suspicion and hate which they have built round their hearts and in its place will I build bridges so that my love may enter their souls.I will love the ambitious for they can inspire me; I will love the failures for they can teach me. I will love the kings for they are but human; I will love the meek for they are divine. I will love the rich for they are yet lonely; I will love the poor for they are so many. I will love the young for the faith they hold; I will love the old for the wisdom they share. I will love the beautiful for their eyes of sadness; I will love the ugly for their souls of peace.

Is there anything more precious than human life? Og gives great examples of how to love "all manners of men".

• Do you regularly take this perspective?
• If you did would it make a difference in your life?

I will greet this day with love in my heart.

And how will I confront each whom I meet? In only one way. In silence and to myself I will address him and say "I Love You". Though spoken in silence these words will shine in my eyes, unwrinkle my brow bring a smile to my lips, and echo in my voice; and his heart will be opened.

This particular part of the scroll changed my life. I was a shy person and very closed off to the world. I put this into practice because no one knew that I was doing it. Silently and to myself I would look at everyone I met and say "I love you." WOW, what a change! People on the elevator simply said 'HI' to me... yes, on the elevator (where people usually just stare at the buttons or numbers.) Be courageous today and put this into practice! Sure it feels weird at first, but this principle is timeless.

I will greet this day with love in my heart.

And most of all I will love myself. For when I do, I will zealously inspect all things which enter my body, my mind, my soul, and my heart. Never will I overindulge the requests of my flesh; rather I will cherish my body with cleanliness and moderation. Never will I allow my mind to be attracted to evil and despair; rather I will uplift it with the knowledge and wisdom of the ages.

Never will I allow my soul to become complacent and satisfied, rather I will feed it with meditation and prayer. Never will I allow my heart to become small and bitter rather I will share it and it will grow and warm the earth.

It truly is SOOOO important that you learn to love and value YOU as a unique, irreplaceable individual. Once you are able to do that, you realize that no one can take that away from you. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." What's amazing is, no one can make you feel any emotion without your permission.

Once you love who you are, you will be able to do what you were created to do... share yourself with the rest of the world. You will be able to share your heart so that "it will grow and warm the earth".

Today, on Valentine's Day, choose to love not only your partner or family or friends... choose first to love yourself and then choose to love everyone you meet.

If you'd like to read more of Og Mandino's book, please click the link below.

The 5 Spires of Leadership

Leadership is one of those qualities that is so hard to measure. Yet, in life and in business, great leaders are not hard to spot. They are those who have the ability to seize their potential as well as release the potential in those around them. They bring individuals together to form a cohesive team and align diverse talents and energies in pursuit of a common goal. They inspire people to give their all to group initiatives, not because they have to, but because they want to.

As I was thinking about inspiring leaders, I began to realize that leaders do a lot more 'spiring' than just 'in-spiring'.

Leaders must first aspire, then perspire. They must conspire and inspire in order to transpire.

Do you know that the 'spire' part of these words comes from the Latin spīrāre meaning to breathe? I began to think about it. A true leader must first have their own aspiration.

Aspire: derived from the Latin word aspīrāre which means to breathe upon or pant after. It means to have a great ambition or ultimate goal; desire strongly... to long, aim, or seek ambitiously.

When you choose to follow someone, you usually choose someone who is going somewhere. You are drawn to those people who have 'great ambition' and are pursuing a goal of higher value than their own rewards.

Perspire: derived from the Latin word perspīrāre which means to blow constantly (said of the wind), breathe through. And, of course, we know this is mean to emit through pores; exude as a result of strenuous exertion.

We want to follow leaders who aren't afraid of doing the work necessary to get the job done. How many times have you seen people in positions of leadership who believe that leadership is just bossing other people around and telling them where to go and what to do? As soon as these 'leaders' turn their backs, their 'followers' are going another direction. They are the types of leaders who go running after their subordinates saying "Come on. Follow me!! I'm your leader!" True leaders get the job done and set great examples for their followers.

Inspire: comes from the Latin word inspīrāre which means to breathe upon or into. When someone inspires us they stimulate us to action and fill us with arousing emotion.

We follow leaders who draw us in to their cause and make us feel as though we are an integral part of the solution. It's not just a practical, rational ambition. It's an ambition that stirs your emotions... stirs your soul. They somehow breathe life into us and inspire us to move and act in a way that accomplishes "our" goal. Yes, "our" goal - not simply their goal.

Conspire: comes from the Latin word conspīrāre which means to act in harmony; to breathe with. When we conspire, we act or work together toward the same result or goal.

In today's western society, conspire usually has negative connotations associated with it. In the American Heritage Dictionary the first definition is "To plan together secretly to commit an illegal or wrongful act or accomplish a legal purpose through illegal action". Yet, if we look further, we'll find that the next definition states, 'To join or act together; combine: "Semisweet chocolate, cocoa powder, espresso, Cognac, and vanilla all conspire to intensify the cake's flavor".' (Did I make you hungry with that one?)

Doesn't that last definition sound like a metaphor for what great leaders do. Great leaders know that to accomplish their ambitions and that they can't do it alone. Great leaders bring individuals together with diverse tastes and talents to form a cohesive team aligning their collective energies in pursuit of a common goal.

Transpire: from its earlier literal sense “to escape as vapor”. However, transpire came to mean “to escape from concealment, become known”.

When a leader is able to aspire, perspire, inspire and conspire, they will inevitably transpire their great ambition. Their ultimate goal will be revealed and come to fruition. This result comes about not because of the leader's efforts alone, but because the leader was able to rally a group of people around their goal, not because they had to but because they wanted to. This allowed everyone to play their part in the grand production of the mission.

Today, ask yourself...

• Have you aspired for something greater than yourself?
• Have you perspired enough to set a good example?
• Is your aspiration great enough to inspire others to join you?
• Are you open to conspiring with others to achieve your lofty goal?
• Can you envision your mission at the moment it transpires and reveals itself to the world?

Make today a day of 'spiring' for you!

If you do, you will soon reach your spire: a tall, acutely pointed pyramidal roof upon a tower; the highest point or summit of your aspiration.

Getting you out of your way

This past weekend was Super Bowl weekend and I was lucky enough to spend it with my family. I am truly blessed to have the parents, sisters, nieces and nephews that I have.

But, something occurred during a Super Bowl commercial that surprised me. It was an innocuous commercial that you may have even missed (if you watched the game.) During the nation's most-watched TV event, football fans had the chance to win a one-of-a-kind Super Bowl Edition Pepsi can and tickets to the biggest game of the year -- for life. The winning code was broadcast immediately following the Pepsi Halftime Show of Super Bowl XLI on February 4. The lucky fan with the winning code was awarded the commemorative Pepsi Super Bowl can and two Super Bowl tickets for life. To me that sounded kind of cool (except I didn't know about it until it was too late.)

In my mind, I was thinking about all of the cool places that would take me to and all the people that I would get to meet. I even thought about how much money I could sell a few of them for during the year or two I didn't want to go.

Then, I listened to the response from my sister and my nephew. It was very different from what I was thinking. My sister said something like, "That would be nice, but who could afford to get there?" Then my nephew said, "I'd just sell them on Ebay."

How interesting... How many times do we write something off as unachievable, unaccomplishable, impossible before we even look into it? So many times, we are the only ones getting in the way of our success. I mean did my sister and nephew truly believe that if they won that prize they wouldn't be able to find a way to get to use the tickets? Airfare and hotel rooms don't cost that much especially when you consider the incredible experience of attending a Super Bowl. Besides, they aren't poor and had the money to buy the 60+ inch HDTV screen on which we were watching the game.

Do you ever do that? Do you ever talk yourself out of something before you even give it a chance? I know I do. I talk myself out of exercising, out of calling on folks for my business, etc. But why? Do I think that I'll fail or fall short of expectations?

Today, take a look at what is holding you back from accomplishing your dreams and goals. What is keeping you from what you aspire to become?

Often the answer is simply, you. You get in your own way. Try something new. Try looking past your obstacles and striving for a solution. You probably do that for your boss, right? So many times we make mountains out of molehills and allow the molehill to keep us from engaging our minds to come up with the solutions.

Today, be on the lookout for possibilities! Sure the problems may appear and you can choose to focus on those if you'd like. I think, however, that you'll enjoy the day much more if you decide to look at all of the potential, prospects and promise that it brings.

The Great Pretender

Do you remember the #1 song by The Platters from 1956? Ok, maybe you remember the song from American Graffiti in 1973? It went like this...

Oh yes, I'm the Great Pretender, pretending that I'm doing well. My need is such, I pretend too much. I'm lonely, but no one can tell...

Do you ever feel like a pretender? an imposter? When I became a consultant and had to be the expert in front of my clients, I felt a little under-qualified. As I got promoted to management roles, I often expected to get an email from my boss, saying "Just kidding! Did you really think you were manager material?"

• Have you ever felt like you didn't deserve the position or title that you were given?
• Have you ever felt like you didn't deserve the spouse or partner that you have? That you don't really deserve the terrific kids that you have?
• Did you ever think that this was all pretend and that someday you were going to wake up to a bleaker reality?

We all experience insecurities. From CEOs and Presidents to managers and parents. Sometimes we feel that we don't deserve the role that we're in. I'd like to put your mind at ease when dealing with others that may appear to be more successful or accomplished than you...

• They weren't born at that level of success.
• They, too, feel inadequate, overwhelmed and in over their heads.
• They don't feel like they belong and/or deserve what they have achieved.

Knowing these important facts should put you on equal footing with those around you that you may perceive as being more successful. This should liberate you from feeling like a great pretender.

• Be bold in marketing yourself and networking with people.
• Know that your light is your gift to the world.
• Don't hide it - someone needs you!

If you'd like to understand what thoughts are causing your feelings of insecurity or inadequacy, give me a call for our assessment. It goes beyond your personality to the level of your thought to show you what thoughts are supporting you and what thoughts are hindering you. (If you'd like a free taste test, click here.)

Valentine's Special

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• Would you like to argue less and discuss more?
• Would you like to build each other up rather than tear each other down?
• Would you like to feel better about being you and understand why you react the way that you do?

I can help with each and all of these things. Please contact me today to try our assessment. It comes with a 100% Satisfaction Guarantee! So, you have nothing to lose!

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Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours!!