Path to Successful Thinking

Being Thankful

2011-11-09T13:19:00.001-06:00

November 2011

I wanted to take a unique perspective on being thankful this Thanksgiving. (Sorry, I'm a month late for my Canadian friends.) Last November I talked about active thankfulness and giving thanks TO others (people) not just being thankful for things.

When most folks think of being thankful it's usually for the "positive" things in their life. I just visited a website at www.thankfulfor.com where folks post what they are thankful for. Here are a few examples of what I read:

Fridays!
My mother and the fact that she tells me she loves me every day.
My awesome hair and all the compliments I get on it!
94 on my strategic management test
My family and good friends
Financial security
Skype
My health
My kids sleeping in their own beds

There are thousands and thousands more, but you get the picture. I am also thankful for many of the things listed above but this year I'm also thankful for the not-so-positive things. I'm thankful for:

Having low self-esteem and self-confidence most of my life
Having no money and taking 20 years to payoff my student loans
Being bullied and teased as a dorky, cry-baby, jock growing up in a small town
Failing and dropping Calculus III twice in college

I'm thankful for...

Being diagnosed with melanoma when I was 17 years old
Lying to a dear friend and having her never speak to me again
Crying in the CFO's office (my boss) when he criticized my decisions and actions
Not telling someone I loved them before it was too late.

These may seem like odd things to be thankful for but it's not comfort and peace that create growth. Discomfort and challenges trigger GROWTH.

I'm thankful for these things because I now know that crying in your boss's office, being bullied and teased, and being under massive debt may be painful but they are not fatal.

Engage AND Inform

2011-10-13T13:16:00.001-05:00

October 2011

In a recent poll that asked "What is the single most important question you have about leadership", "How can I improve my communication?" received 34% of the votes. (The runner-up received 20%.)

So, we've been discussing communication and how to improve our skills in this area. One area where many fall short is in engaging others BEFORE they try to inform. Most meetings start off with the obligatory and brief niceties. Then, they proceed right into the data dump... metrics for this, numbers for that, status for this, issues with that... blah, blah, blah. A whole lot of information... but who really cares?

Telling facts touches MINDS (informs).

Telling purposeful stories touches HEARTS (engages).

The greatest value and motivation comes from touching hearts!

In axiology I often talk about the hierarchy of value.

Value	Dimension	Metaphors
Highest	Intrinsic	Spirit	Heart	People	Be
Mid	Extrinsic	Body	Hands	Products	Do
Lowest	Systemic	Mind	Head	Policy	Have

Often we are so focused on the Mid and Lowest classes of value that we neglect the most valuable one. Many times, in fact, we devalue the highest class of value.

As I speak to audiences of leaders, I talk about the intrinsic, the people part of leadership. They understand that leadership involves people but often they just want the 'people' to be human doings instead of human beings.

I talk about taking the time to get to know the human being. In this newsletter, I'll discuss telling stories and many of you will hear a thought like this in your head: "I don't have time for that." "They should just do their jobs." "I shouldn't have to motivate them." "They're getting a paycheck."

If human beings were just heads and hands without hearts, those statements above might work for you. As you know, human beings are much more than that.

Improving Communication - Part 2

2011-09-15T13:14:00.002-05:00

September 2011

Last month we talked about communication and the interference that we often have from our own thoughts and internal dialogue. We talked about this from the receiver’s point of view. Often times as the receiver of a communication, we aren’t really listening to the speaker or sender. Our brains actually think faster than most humans can speak. When this happens your brain may try to fill in the void with its own thoughts which distracts you from listening and staying present. If you remember from last month’s newsletter, we said that while others talk sometimes our minds think a number of things like:

“They are wrong.” “They are stupid.” “What an idiot.”
“I know.” “I don’t need to keep listening.”
“Ooh, ooh, I have something important to say (so I’m interrupting you).” “If I just say this...”

These types of thoughts keep you from connecting to the sender so you don’t completely hear their message.
But as the sender, you can also have thoughts going through your mind that are keeping YOU from sending the message properly.

If you are thinking… “I need to impress them.” or “What if I mess up?” what may happen to your message?

Sometimes you hear thoughts that cause you to pretend or try to impress people. You mind is focusing you on YOU rather than on connecting. Let me ask you a question… are you able to tell when people are trying to impress you or when they aren’t really present? Most people can figure this out pretty easily. When someone is trying to impress you, are you listening to their message? Sometimes we are caught up in wondering why this person isn’t being real. Our mind goes off and starts analyzing why the person is behaving this way. When that happens, you aren’t hearing the message. In order to make sure you are sending the message properly, you must be real and you must be present. You must focus on the receiver, not you - the sender.

Improving Communication

2011-08-21T08:15:00.000-05:00

August 2011

Last month I asked a question on LinkedIn: “What's the single most important question you have about increasing your leadership?” I proposed a few answers and asked you to pick what you thought was most important. http://polls.linkedin.com/vote/141129/zakcq

The results are in and out of 211 responses, here are the results:

(Click the image to view larger online.)

As you can see communication seems to be a big concern for leaders so I’d like to talk about it in this newsletter edition.

What gets in the way of your communication? Do you believe that it is lack of skills and tools of the folks in the conversation? Could it be that people just don’t listen? Is it that most people are just opinionated and selfish? Is it that everyone has their own agenda and goals? What gets in the way?

Let’s start with what communication is. Well, the dictionary says that it means to give or impart thoughts, feelings and information. It comes from the root word of ‘common’. It originally meant to share. However, I think a lot of times, when we say communicate we want it to mean to “make people listen to and hear us”. What many fail to realize is that before we can share or give or impart, there must be a willing receiver… a connection.

Many people skip the very first step of communication which is a connection between the parties. Think about the telephone…

Let's Change Things Up

2011-07-21T08:10:00.001-05:00

July 2011

For this month’s newsletter, I thought I’d change it up a little… and talk about, well, changing it up a little. I’m a big proponent of change - specifically change that produces growth and adds value. However, the human brain likes patterns and repetition. It takes less energy to follow a habit than it does to change things up a little.

So, here are a few thoughts on changing it up a bit that may help get you started.

#1 STOP asking people “How are you?” Oh, but you may ask, “Traci, you’re always telling us to care about people. How can you say that?” My thought is that if you really cared about people, you’d ask them a different question… one that shows you are actually thinking about THEM! “How are you?” is a no-brainer and doesn’t involve thinking about or caring about people. It’s a rote question that you can throw out often anywhere to anyone.

#2 Switch things up a bit. Ask unusual, unique questions! As Og Mandino says in his book “The Greatest Salesman in the World”:

Since the beginning of time never has there been another with my mind my heart my eyes, my ears, my hands, my hair, my mouth. None that came before, none that live today, and none that come tomorrow can walk and talk and move and think exactly like me. All men are my brothers yet I am different from each. I am a unique creature.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

2011-06-16T08:08:00.001-05:00

June 2011

Seems like a simple question, right? Millions of graduates are being asked that question during this graduation season. (Most of them by their parents who want to be sure that they're moving out of the house and paying their own bills. :) )

I speak to thousands of "grown-up" people every year and many of them don't know what they want to be when they grow up. Do you find it odd that we expect a 17 or 18 year old to know the answer as they graduate from high school?

The belief or expectation that this is a simple question to answer can often get in the way of actually answering it. It’s not a simple question!

As I think about the question from my past (What did I want to be when I grew up?) I realize that I'd have to ask my parents and friends from back then because I really don't remember. I know in high school I wanted to coach sports. But then again, I thought I was pretty smart so maybe I should go pre-med in college. That made a lot of sense because those 2 professions are so similar... not! One difference that became abundantly clear to me is that as a college basketball coach I would get to pick my players and work with people I had hand-selected ... as a doctor, I wouldn't get to pick my patients. I also remember from before high school that one thing I was NEVER going to be was a public speaker. I turned down the nomination to be the President of the National Honor Society and instead became Vice President because as the President, I would have been required to give a speech. Horrifying!!

Part of the problem with answering this question is the question itself. The "what" and the "be" don't match up! The "what" is extrinsic... a thing, tangible, measurable. The "be" is intrinsic... immeasurable, ever-changing, ever-growing.

We really should be asking:

What do you want to do? AND
Who do you want to become?

These questions are more easily answered.

So, WHAT do you want to DO? Do you want to do something technical, something creative, something inspirational, something meaningful? What would that look like in your life? “I like to work with my hands.” “I like to work with people.” “I like to do accounting.”

Now, I believe the more important questions are... WHO do you want to BE? or Who do you want to become? I've heard some people say "I want to become a multi-millionaire." "I want to become a teacher." "I want to become a CEO."

If these are in line with your thoughts, will you allow me to share another perspective with you?

Activate a Better Brain

2011-06-05T11:38:00.004-05:00

Leading & Motivating

2011-05-16T08:04:00.005-05:00

May 2011

Motivation is the desire to do. It is an interest or drive to stimulate action.

Homer Rice once said, "You can motivate by fear. And you can motivate by reward. But both of these methods are only temporary. The only lasting thing is self-motivation."

As a leader, what is your most common form of motivation? Do you use fear? The fear method usually relies on the rules. Do you use the carrot principle? Do you dangle rewards out in front of others and hope that they'll bite?

There are many tips and techniques out there to enhance these types of motivational styles... or as those being 'motivated' tend to refer to them... manipulation styles.

As I've mentioned previously, Daniel Pink authored a book last year called "Drive - The Surprising Truth about What Motivates Us". He discusses different types of motivation that align perfectly with the 3 classes of axiological value that I often discuss. Those classes of value are, in order of their objective value:

Intrinsic	Highest in value	infinite
Extrinsic	Mid range of value	finite
Systemic	Lowest in value	binary

Mr. Pink discusses what he calls "Motivation 1.0". This is the old command and control. This type of motivation is old school... So old school that it was around before there were schools. Under Motivation 1.0 (systemic motivation), mankind was trying to survive. Systemic deals with either/or... either you survived or you didn't. The leaders were those who survived. They were the strongest and used their power to command and order the others to work together to survive.

As we formed more complex societies and evolved, so did our motivation. We now needed to cooperate with one another to get the things we needed. At the core of this new and improved form of motivation was a revised and more accurate assumption: "Humans are more than the sum of our biological urges. Now the first drive to survive still exists, but it didn't fully account for who we were." We knew how to survive and it didn't consume all of our time. We now wanted more (extrinsic stuff) than just survival.

Motivation 2.0 (extrinsic motivation) was born.

Train Your Brain

2011-05-05T11:22:00.002-05:00

Dealing with Conflict

2011-04-15T11:34:00.001-05:00

April 2011

Why does conflict happen? There are many reasons, but I want to point out the neurological reason. In the past, you've heard me talk about the amygdala. It is the part of the brain that is wired to instantaneously recognize errors and threats. So, when conversations turn from the expected to the unexpected, our biological response is one of flying fists or fleet feet when what is really needed is gentle attentiveness and intelligent persuasion.

When the amygdala is hijacked by an apparent threat, adrenaline is pumped into your blood stream. Your brain diverts blood from activities that are deemed non-essential to the high-priority task of protecting yourself (like hitting or running). The large muscles in your arms, back and legs get more blood and your brain gets less!! As a result, you are facing your conflict with the same cognitive resources as a prehistoric primate. Is it any wonder that we struggle in this area?

What can you do when this happens? One thing you can do is recognize that the apparent threat isn't an imminent danger to your physical well-being. It's just a SPAN (something perceived as negative.)

Many people waste a lot of time and energy trying to change and control everything around them. Our society's abundance of technology and wealth creates the illusion that we can control just about everything. Many discover that this control is an illusion and become overwhelmed by the unpredictability of events. This is seen as a SPAN and a threat. Some falsely assume that because they can't control the world around them that they can't control their own lives. They get the "whatever" attitude. Others fight on and on trying to grab the illusion of control. In any case, the amygdala will recognize this as a threat.

Try to remember that you are in control of your responses. Sure, you might not be able to control your physiological reactions, but you can recognize them as just a biological reaction to an illusion. It's simply a SPAN, a gap. It's a gap between your expectation and reality. It can be a SPAN between your perception and someone else's perception. In any case, it's not really a threat! Your brain has mis-perceived the situation. (Note: If you are feeling threatened during a conflict, there is probably at least one other person feeling threatened as well: the person on the other side of the SPAN.)

So, what can you do about it? How can you deal with this conflict?

Realize that if your amygdala is hijacked, someone else's may also be hijacked. Give them the benefit of the doubt! They are NOT your enemy. They, in fact, are another infinitely valuable human being just like you.
Ask, don't assume! What you think you understand about what someone says, how someone looks at you, what someone means by what they do, etc., may often not reflect reality at all, and more often than not lead you down a path that contains more mistrust and relationship-destroying behaviors.

Maximizing Your Leadership

2011-03-15T11:29:00.004-05:00

Maximizing Your Leadership

March 2011

Today we'll be talking about leadership again. I hope that is a topic that you don't mind learning more about. If you are interested in other topics as well... at the end of this newsletter is a link to a SHORT survey that will help me serve you better with upcoming newsletters. I hope you'll take a few minutes to complete it.

Now, let's get back to leadership...

Leaders (real leaders) have been studied for hundreds of years. Researchers have studied attributes, characteristics, attitudes, behaviors, personalities, intelligence, and values. What have we learned? That every leader is unique and that the truly great leaders aren’t afraid of being unique. We’ve also learned that while personality traits, attitudes, behavior and intelligence patterns have been identified; the key to great leadership can’t be defined by these things only.

The key to great leadership is in your thinking, your mindset, your valuing habits and most importantly - how you apply these things.

Great leaders are maximizers and multipliers. Their thinking and valuing habits reflect their perspective – not only on the job but how they live their lives.

“Managers”, while trying to maximize and multiply, often have mindsets that may actually result in diminishing or minimizing. This doesn’t happen intentionally but is usually a learned behavior or habit.

NOTE: When I say “manager”, my intention is whose focus is on the tasks and getting the work done. This isn’t your title but rather your role. This isn’t who you are, but rather what you do. When I talk about a “leader”, this person is focused on leading the people who are doing the work. My hope is that you have both manager and leader characteristics, but that you learn to focus more on the leadership side.

Let me give you some examples of what I mean here.

Maximizers do more asking.
Minimizers do more telling.

Great leaders believe in the people they are working with. Maximizers see intelligence as continually growing and developing within their team. They assume people are smart and can and will figure things out. They see their organization as full of talented people who are capable of contributing at much higher levels. Diminishers see intelligence as something basic about a person that can’t change much. When this is the case, the Diminisher believes that they have to tell their team what to do and how to do it. Do you find yourself doing more asking or telling in your leadership roles?

Success and Failure

2011-02-14T11:23:00.002-06:00

February 2011

To continue to help you be a better leader I wanted to focus on your mindset this month. There are so many myths out there as well as stories and depictions that don't really add value or help you create success in your life or your leadership.

For example, many success gurus purport a 1953 Yale Study that proved that the 3% of graduates who wrote down their goals accounted for 97% of the class' wealth. Have you ever heard of this study? Truth is: It never happened.

How about the story that your mom told you: if you swallow your gum it will take 7 years to digest? Nope. That's not true either. (And if you ever swallowed any of that fluorescent Gator Gum, you already knew that.)

The Road to Success

How about this depiction?

It's also a myth!

It looks like the road to success goes in one direction and the road to failure goes in the opposite direction. This can create what we call the "sucker's choice". Either you have to choose success OR you have to choose failure. The sucker's choice is rarely the correct perspective.

It's another one of those myths which won't add value to your life. It is simply not the truth and will probably take away value from your life. If you continue to believe this IS the road sign of life, you can unintentionally create a sabotaging mental habit or mindset that keeps you from your success, your goals, and your dreams.

The road to success is paved with failures. Failure is the price that you pay for your success. If you spend your time trying to avoid failure, you will get what you pay for. You will probably be standing still or going in the same vicious circle you've been going in for years.

The course you take to success WILL have failure stops along the way. The real question for you is: how effectively do you manage those failures?

Your Virtuous Cycle

2011-01-12T09:33:00.005-06:00

Happy New Year!! I hope you enjoyed a break over the holiday season. I know that I did.

As I thought about the newsletters for the upcoming year and thought about you, I concluded that helping you take your leadership abilities to the next level might add a great deal of value to your life both personally and professionally.

As we start the New Year, many people reflect upon the past. Some realize that the last year may have been much like Bill Murray experienced in the movie "Groundhog Day". Many folks realize that there hasn't been much difference from one year to the next.

Well, if this is you, I'd like to help you change all that. Ok, even if it isn't you, I know that you will find value from this.

In Jim Collins' book, Good to Great (c) 2001, he talks about the difference between Level 5 leaders who create great companies and teams and Level 4 leaders who create good companies and teams. Mr. Collins lists a number of traits but when you look at it, I believe it boils down to:

Level 4 leaders focus on the what and how (extrinsic)
Level 5 leaders focus on the why and who (intrinsic)

In Daniel Pink's book, Drive, he talks about using extrinsic rewards for motivation and why the carrot and stick approach no longer works. Oh, sure it did work in the industrial age when workers were needed primarily for their hands and feet. However, in the information age, workers are needed for their brains and minds. Brains and minds aren't only fed with extrinsic rewards. Mr. Pink give us the M.A.P. for intrinsic motivation: mastery, autonomy and purpose.

In the book, Multipliers, Liz Wiseman and Greg Mckeown discuss how the best leaders are able to make everyone around them smarter by intrinsically valuing the people they lead.

Over the last 5 years, my coaching practice has focused exclusively on teaching leaders these "latest discoveries" and taken many clients to the next level of leadership in their businesses, careers, and also their personal lives.

'Tis the Season

2010-12-10T09:32:00.001-06:00

Happy Holidays!!

It’s the holiday season and I am reminded of my childhood living near Pittsburgh, PA (Go Steelers!!) where this time of year meant snow. Snow… the very word conjures up pictures from the greeting cards and commercials. There’s nothing like the pure driven snow. It looks so beautiful evenly placed over the ground... covering up the bumpy imperfections of the earth beneath it. Pure white flakes delicately balanced 1 or 2 inches high on each individual tree branch. It’s so majestic.

What we sometimes forget from the perspective of these images is that it’s FREEZING out there! If we want to go outside, we have to spend 20 minutes putting on 6 layers of clothes and big boots to look like the Michelin man as we try to make our way to the car. Getting to the car is just the beginning of the battle. Then you have to try to open the door that Mother Nature has so kindly iced shut in the frigid wind. Once you make your way in, you start up the car because it’ll take a few minutes before it’s ready to go. Then, you step back out into the frozen tundra with your handy-dandy piece of plastic (otherwise known as your ice scraper). Sometimes the snow is so deep that you have to remove some of it with your arm, but then the scraping begins. You debate, as your toes, nose and fingers start to become numb whether or not you’ll just scrape the driver’s side or the whole windshield. You clear one square foot in front of the driver before your plastic scraper freezes and disintegrates. So you take off your gloves, reach into your wallet for the credit card that you use the least, and try to make the area bigger before returning to the less freezing environment of your car.

Oh, the beauty and majesty of the season!

I tell you this story because the illusions of Christmas and the holidays can be just as stressful as freeing your car of the “beautiful, splendid snow”.

Hallmark and other institutions have forever painted our holiday season with joy and happiness and gifts. We’re all getting that Lexus with a big red bow this year, right? The family will get together and all sit around the 12 person dinner table flawlessly decorated with placemats and red and green napkins.The patriarch of the family is standing at the head of the table carving the turkey or ham. The matriarch is passing around the perfectly prepared side dishes… mashed potatoes with un-lumpy gravy, green bean casserole with the crunchy onions on top, and homemade cheese raviolis (my mom’s Italian, ya know). They’ll all hold hands and sway as they sing grace just like the Whos in Whoville. Then they will tuck in their napkins and politely converse over the holiday meal. Oh, the joy and happiness!

Giving Thanks TO Others

2010-11-15T09:11:00.009-06:00

Well, in the US it's that time of the year that we all get together and give thanks. Thanksgiving was originally a time to come together and celebrate the harvest... to give thanks to the earth for her bounty. It has definitely evolved over the years into a time for family and friends to come together and eat turkey, watch football, and plan holiday shopping. Ok, sometimes we give thanks too, but mostly we stuff our pie holes.

Giving Thanks TO as well as FOR

Many times Thanksgiving is spent giving thanks FOR the things that we have. This is a terrific tradition. But this year, I'm hoping to encourage you to expand it a little bit. This year in addition to giving thanks for your things (extrinsic, tangible, measurable stuff), I propose that you take a few minutes to think about the intrinsic, infinitely valuable gifts that you have received... that others have brought to your life.

Let's give thanks TO the people as well as FOR the things.

Gratitude

When I think of the times that I feel most fulfilled, it doesn't involve doing or getting "things". It usually involves the joy that another human being has shared with me.

Celebrating Your Way to Success

2010-10-19T09:09:00.001-05:00

Can you believe it?!? This is the 50^th edition of my monthly newsletter! Whether you have been around since the beginning or this is your very first edition... THANK YOU!! I sincerely appreciate your time and I hope that I can continue to add value to your life.

As I was thinking about what to write this month, I thought about celebrating this milestone. Then, I thought about the habit of celebrating in general. Have you developed this habit?

Celebration and Joy

Have you ever watched children playing? Whether it's through competitive sports or just individually imagining and experimenting, it's really amazing to see the world through the eyes of a child. They celebrate the little things.

Just this past week I was able to witness a little girl in the airport pulling her Dora The Explorer roller bag to the gate. She arrived and said to her mom, "Mom, I did it!! I carried my bag the WHOLE way!" I also watched two little boys playing with a new truck. As one of the boys made the truck's siren go off, the other one said, "You did it!! You did it!!" My favorite occurred in San Francisco's airport where I witnessed a little girl about 3 years old come running out of the restroom releasing her mom's hand and sprinting up to her dad in his nice suit and tie yelling, "Daddy, Daddy!! I pooped! " Oh, the joys of a nice bowel movement!

As kids, we celebrate any and almost every accomplishment. Then at some point in our lives, when we become "big" girls and boys and it's no longer "cool" to celebrate our successes we stop. Why is that? Why do we start to call those people that celebrate "big headed" or "self-centered" or "show offs" or "immature"? Why does celebrating take on a negative connotation?

Does another person's success somehow diminish our own? Is there a limited quantity of celebration in the world? Does their celebration somehow mean you don't get your piece of the celebration pie?

Have you ever wondered why "excessive celebration" is a penalty in the NFL and NCAA Football but you can rip off your shirt, slide across the field, and have your team pile up on you for scoring a goal in soccer? Why does it matter if they are "showing off"?

Celebration and Your Brain

Celebration is great for your brain.

Celebration has also been shown to lead to increased trust, communication, and risk-taking. Celebrating creates a atmosphere of optimism and hope. It focuses the brain on creating instead of avoiding.

Celebration releases chemicals called neurotransmitters at the synapses in your brain and these intensify motivation to act for more solutions and celebrations.

Understanding Cans & Wills

2010-09-19T09:07:00.002-05:00

Have you ever noticed the frustration that is caused by confusing 'cans' and 'wills'? Some people assume that because a person 'can' do something they 'will' do something... like kids can clean their rooms, so they will clean their rooms; a colleague can help you, but won't; someone says they will do a task but then can't. Do you notice any stress in your life from this phenomenon?

Cans and Wills

So what is a 'can' and what is a 'will'? Just to be sure we're on the same page...

Can means that a person has the ability, power, or skill or has the means and qualifications to perform.

Will means that a person has a wish or desire to perform, or they'd like to, may decide to, or attempt to perform.

There's a BIG difference between the two. There is also a lot of frustration around cans and wills when we aren't on the same page.

Misalignment

In my last newsletter, I talked about the brain's natural instinct for detecting errors. When those errors are recognized, the brain shuts down its cognitive area and goes into reactive mode. This is where emotions and physiological responses take over to 'protect' you from the error.

One tiny problem... the brain will detect an 'error' when its expectation is different from what occurs in reality. You will feel it when your expectations aren't met. Think about how you feel when you don't expect a car to pull out in front of you and it does... or when you expected your kids to clean their room and they didn't... or you expected a team member to complete a task and it isn't done. All of these 'errors' can cause you to react in a negative (and sometimes 'thought-less' manner) because your autonomic self-protection system has been triggered. Your brain shuts down cognitive function and sends that energy to your muscles and other organs to quickly respond to the perceived error or threat.

One problem... in reaction/error mode, the brain doesn't know is that this really isn't a threat to your physical well-being.

So, what kind of strife arises in your life when the cans and wills aren't aligned?

Let's look at some statements that you may have heard by well-meaning people that can cause this misalignment. Have you ever heard this one?

"You can do anything you want to do in life." While meant to be motivational, it's a lie. No where on the planet is there a place where you can do whatever you want to do in life. There are always consequences and choices that have to be made within certain physical or mental parameters. Now, you are free try to do anything, but you may not have the talents or skills to accomplish what you'd like to accomplish.

When the can isn't aligned with the will, there will be frustration, discontentment, dissatisfaction and little enthusiasm.

When the will isn't aligned with the can, there will be defeat, discouragement, and even resentment.

Have you felt this in your life?

What's RIGHT with You?!?

2010-08-15T08:02:00.006-05:00

What's WRONG RIGHT with You?!?

"Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours." - Swedish Proverb

I love that quote above because it has one of my all-time favorite words in it 5 times. That word is "more". I love that word because it's neverending. You can always have and be "more". More today than yesterday, and more tomorrow than today.

So, how does that play into "What's RIGHT with You" - the title of this newsletter. Well, in life, we seem to find more of what we look for. You can seek more joy and find it. Or you can choose the mindset of seeking more pain and find it as well.

What is your focus?

So many people have been trained most of their lives to look for risks (i.e. what can go wrong). Starting in elementary school, we're taught to solve problems. That's what homework is all about... read this and solve the problems.

When are we going to learn that the greatest success comes from seeking opportunities not finding and identifying problems and challenges? When are learning institutions going to give their students exercises on finding opportunities?

Opportunity vs. Risk

Our brains are trained from a young age to look at what's wrong. Our self-worth is sometimes defined by how many problems that we can fix or avoid. Many people think that the brain 'naturally' functions that way. I believe that it has been coached and trained to think that way. Sure, the brain has a natural instinct for recognizing errors, but the mind can choose what to focus on.

From entrepreneurs to project managers to sales people... you are taught to find the pain, the problem... to look for what's wrong and come up with a solution. It sounds logical and it is helpful (please don't misunderstand my point.)

Let's look at the people that have "made it", who are highly successful and wealthy. Since I have an Information Technology background, let's look at Steve Jobs and Bill Gates. These are two highly successful gentlemen. They have changed the lives of millions and millions of people. Did they do it by looking for problems? Or, did they do it by looking for opportunities?

Breaking Free - The Power of Nice

2010-07-13T10:47:00.001-05:00

"You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Last month I gave a keynote address at the PMI Houston Conference & Expo. Kathy Ridley, the current chapter president, asked me to do a special presentation on the Power of Nice. We received terrific reviews so I thought I'd share the neuroscience and axiology of the Power of Nice with you.

What is NICE?

The word 'nice' is used in a variety of ways. I hear it most often as people say "Have a nice day." What exactly does that mean? Nice has so many different meanings.

For instance, 'nice' can mean pleasing, delightful, pleasant and kind. It can also mean minute, fine or subtle as in "a nice distinction". It can also mean accurate, precision or skillful as in "nice shot" or "nice workmanship". (I'm pretty sure people aren't saying "Have a subtle day." or "Have an accurate day.")

Oh, but nice can also mean virtuous, respectable or proper as in "She's a nice girl." Then you can also put the word "too" in front of nice so that it means something negative. "She's too nice." which usually equals doormat.

So, we're going to go with the first definition of nice meaning pleasant and delightful... something that brings joy and satisfaction.

This is your brain

The conscious brain gets all the attention. You know the part that is aware and thinks and plans. We spend a lot of time, energy and money developing the conscious part of our brain. However, it is a slave to all of the other parts that lie "beneath" it. Every feeling is a summary of data that comes from our subconscious/autonomic brain. Our feelings are visceral responses to all the information that your brain contains that can't be directly accessed by your conscious brain.

An Open-Loop Limbic System

In Daniel Goleman's book, Primal Leadership (2002, HBS Press), he discusses the design of the human brain: what scientists have begun to call the open-loop nature of our emotional centers (limbic system).

Breaking Free - The Contemptuous Eyeroll

2010-06-21T10:42:00.004-05:00

The Contemptuous Eye Roll

This is an encore newsletter from a couple of years ago that I wanted to send out again because I've noticed a lot of contemptuous eye rolls lately... especially in American politics and current events.

We've been talking about expectations and perfection in the last few newsletters and that can often lead to devaluing of the human being (because our mind is overvaluing the idea or expectation).

The green text, like this text, is new information that I've added to the previous edition.

What I'd like to draw your attention to in this issue is how you can recognize when you are devaluing others. If you can learn to recognize a key component to this transposition of value, you will be one step closer to being able to bring positive value to those around you.

In my coaching practice, the key goal is to basically shorten and eventually eliminate the time between when you recognize you've messed up and when you actually messed up. If you, at this Pivotal Moment, can choose a different response, YOU will be able to be on your true path to success. If you don't choose to respond differently and ignore a sabotaging thought, you will greatly hinder your success.

Let's learn about a commonly overlooked (devaluing) expression...

World Famous Face Reader

Have you ever heard of Paul Ekman? Dr. Paul Ekman is a professor of psychology who has become the world's most famous face reader. The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) and state and local police forces have turned to Dr. Ekman for help learning to read subtle emotional cues from the faces, voices and body language of potential assassins, terrorists and questionable visa applicants. The detailed knowledge of facial expression has earned Dr. Ekman a supporting role in the movie industry, where he has consulted with animators from Pixar and Industrial Light & Magic to give lifelike expressions to cartoon characters.

Dr. Ekman's work is also featured on the Fox show "Lie to me*". You can watch full episodes by going to http://www.fox.com/watch/lietome.

Dr. Ekman's expertise is very unique and can be very helpful when understanding when you are de-valuing others. For instance, Dr. Ekman is able to accurately predict whether a couple will divorce in the next 4 years simply by watching (not even hearing) a couple's conversation. He doesn't even need to see the whole conversation... he only needs to see 3-4 minutes to make his prediction.

He is right 94% of the time!!

How does he do it?

Breaking Free - The Perfection Prison

2010-05-11T10:39:00.000-05:00

The Perfection Prison

Last month I wrote about Overcoming Indecision. If you've read it, you've learned how to watch out for the traps and some keys to making good decisions. As I asked others what gets in the way of them actually making decisions, one of the overwhelming responses is fear. As I probed a little deeper, I found out that the fear is often caused by perfection.

Many people overvalue the idea of perfection which causes them to devalue reality. The idea ends up having more value in their minds than actually creating and engaging in life. Instead of improving life, perfection creates a prison.

The Perfection Prison

So what does this perfection prison look like? Well, it only exists in your mind and it can be a major obstacle to your joy and happiness. The retaining bars of your prison are NOT real - they only appear real in your imagination. The bars of your prison may be created by:

Rejecting Failure = refusing to recognize a positive side to failure. For you perfectionists, your initial reaction to that last statement may be disbelief. What good can come of failure? Well, according to neuroscientists a great deal of good can come from failure because our mind is really good at detecting 'errors'. That is how it creates new thoughts and neuropathways. You need failures to help your brain succeed.
Rejecting Success = refusing to "lower" your standards of perfection. The pursuit of perfection requires high standards and yet as the perfectionist approaches a high standard they immediately reset to even higher standards thus never celebrating success (which is also good for the brain.)
Rejecting Painful Emotions = Pain equals not perfect in the mind of the perfectionist. Happiness is the perfectionist's goal and negative emotions fall short of that goal so these are avoided at all costs.
Rejecting Positive Emotions = by consistently and constantly setting goals that will never be reached, the perfectionist, by default, has little to celebrate. Realistically, when will your performance be perfect? Can't you always find something to improve? So, when will perfection be reached? Never.
Rejecting the full experience of life = Life is flawed in the perfectionists mind. Perfection locks you into one specific outcome. The perfectionist spends much time living in their imagination and their "what if" world, missing out on the experience and journey of life.

All of this leads to fear (Fully Engaged in Avoiding Reality).

Breaking Free - Overcoming Indecision

2010-04-13T10:28:00.000-05:00

Overcoming Indecision

I was trying to decide what to write about this month. At first nothing exciting came to mind. Then lots of ideas came to my head but after re-evaluating, those ideas might not have been too exciting either.

Then, it happened. I thought that writing about decision making and overcoming indecisiveness would be valuable and maybe even exciting.

The Choices You Make

Let's look at how long it takes you to make a decision.

How much mental energy do you put into deciding:

where to eat dinner?
what clothes to wear?
where to go on vacation?
what product to buy?

How long does it take you to make decisions at work?

which resources to use?
what path to take?
how much time to invest?

Every choice you make means that you lose out on all of the other options. Choice = loss. Doesn't that seem very final?

Good Decisions

We all want to make good decisions and choices. A choice is a value judgment plain and simple. Choice is about selecting the option that your mind believes is the best decision. It's about what adds the greatest value.

Breaking Free - Staying Focused on Your Goals

2010-03-17T10:22:00.001-05:00

Staying Focused on Your Goals

Did you watch the Olympics last month? I typically watch off and on but am truthfully more interested in the stories about the athletes than I am about the outcome of the events.

Those athletes are very gifted and very dedicated to their sports. They have stayed focused on their goals for many, many years. Yet, here it is March and many folks who made New Years resolutions or set new goals for 2010 have already given up. Are you one of those people that have given up on a goal that you just set a couple months ago? You are not alone.

Losing Focus

What has caused you to lose focus on your dreams? As you may know, in my coaching practice, I help folks analyze their thinking and valuing habits. Many times your most out-of-balance thoughts get in the way of you achieving your success.

Those out-of-balance thoughts are valuing habits that filter out some of the information that you need to make good decisions. For instance, let's say that you were going to workout three times a week in order to lose weight and be healthier. But, you've gotten a little off track. What does your mind tell you?

If your Practical Judgment is out-of-balance, you may hear thoughts like "It's not that important." or "I don't have the time for that today."
If your Systems Thinking is out-of-balance, you may hear "I don't feel like it." or "This will never work."
If it's your Self Esteem that's out-of-balance, you may hear thoughts like "I knew I couldn't do it." or "This just isn't worth it for me." or "I can't spend that time on me; that would be selfish."
If it's your Self Direction that's getting in the way, you may hear thoughts like "If I can't be perfect, it's not worth it." or "My dream is so far away I can't see how this is going to help me get there."

When you focus on the thoughts from these (out-of-balance) perspectives, you will lose focus on who you want to become and what you want to achieve. You may want to read the previous months' newsletters again to remind yourself of a better way to set and achieve your goals. If you used the goal setting process that we outlined in January and February newsletters you will be focused on WHO you want to become, not just WHAT you want to or have to do.

Breaking Free - Example of Goal Setting

2010-02-06T19:58:00.005-06:00

Example of Goal Achieving Process

Last month I wrote about focusing on goal achieving instead of just goal setting. I wrote about how your frustration is caused by a misalignment of your natural talents and skills to your current job or position. I then explained the goal achieving process. Many people responded to that newsletter asking me for more details or maybe an example. So, I've decided to share my personal goal achieving process with you to let you know what has worked for me in the hope that it will inspire you.

#1 Dream Big Dreams

Don't be afraid to dream big dreams. Many folks that I talk to have been beaten down by the path they've taken in life. They lack the self-confidence to even dream big. I recognize this because I've been there. As a kid, I was going to change the world, then somehow, by the time I was 35 years old the world had changed me.

Look at your life and decide what you want financially, spiritually, personally, relationally. What do you want to accomplish? What legacy do you want to leave? What would you like the people you know to say about you at the end of your life?

For me, well, some of my dreams are this:

Impact the lives of 1 million people (yes, I put my pinky to my mouth when I say that like in the Austin Powers movie)
Make over 1 million dollars in a year (no matter what I have to pay in taxes)
Give away over 1 million dollars
Be on the cover of Success Magazine
Be on ESPN in the game (not just at the game with a rainbow afro on my head)

#2 Who do You want to Become?

Instead of chasing money and fame which can leave you feeling empty and maybe even broken in the end, focus on becoming the person who would rightfully have the things that you dream about.

As Og Mandino writes: "... I am prepared for wisdom and principles which will guide me out of the shadows into the sunlight of wealth, position, and happiness far beyond my most extravagant dreams until even the golden apples in the Garden of Hesperides will seem no more than my just reward."

Breaking Free - Achieving Your Goals

2010-01-10T19:33:00.004-06:00

Don't just SET goals, ACHIEVE them!

So many people have given up on goal setting. It doesn't seem to work for them. Even "goal-oriented" people are often frustrated by their goals. But for years, the gurus have told you things like:

"Set S.M.A.R.T. goals (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely). It's a sure-fire way to achieve them."
"Put pictures of your dream house, your dream car, your dream job all over your bathroom mirror and places where you'll see them every day."

Here's the problem with some of these techniques... they have created an epidemic of people who are unfulfilled, frustrated and dissatisfied with their own performance and success. Goals are supposed to motivate and inspire you, not make you feel hopeless, helpless or like a failure.

You are Brilliant! (Yes, I'm talking to YOU)

I'm reading a great book called Aspire! Discovering Your Purpose Through the Power of Words. I recommend it to everyone reading this newsletter. (Click here to purchase it on Amazon.) In this book, it talks about the word "genius". Did you know that you were a genius? YOU ARE!! The word genius comes from the Latin word "genuinus" which means what you were naturally born with. The orignial word meant "guardian deity or spirit which watches over each person from birth; spirit, incarnation, wit, talent". Genius is nothing more than being true to YOU. It's about being genuine and true to your natural talents. It's about unleashing your brilliance.

Why the frustration?

But, when we set goals, we usually do it backwards. (No wonder it's frustrating!) The vast majority of the gurus assume there is no real difference between skills (which can be acquired) and talents or natural strengths (which you are gifted with at birth). Many gurus think that natural talents can be developed through learning, training, and discipline. They fail to appreciate and acknowledge what neuroscience tells us - YOU are born with fixed, deeply-ingrained neural pathways and networks that control your natural talents. When you fail to see the difference between natural talents and learned skills, you make the bad assumption that both can be equally acquired.

Breaking Free - Peace on Earth

2009-12-16T08:51:00.001-06:00

It's that time of year when you hear a lot of good tidings. "Happy Holidays" "Merry Christmas" "Season's Greetings" "Joy to the World" "Happy Hanukkah" And the one good tiding that I want to talk about is "Peace". Do you ever find yourself wishing for more "peace"?

This topic has been on my mind lately because my clients have consistently mentioned it when talking about what the coaching program has meant to them. I'm not saying this to toot my own horn, but listen to what they have to say:

Teresa said, "All I can say is "WOW!" That person on the team who drove me over the edge - 6 Advisors coaching gave me the tools to solve. The beating my head against the wall because nobody would give the project the same priority - 6 Advisors coaching gave me the tools to solve. Those roadblocks that occur again and again in my projects - 6 Advisors coaching gave me the tools to solve."

Then Karla said, "Working with Traci on this program has allowed me to refocus on my purpose and reduce the emotional 'noise' that was preventing me from being successful."

And Szymon said this about the coaching program, "Unexpectedly, I have discovered that no matter what thought you are thinking or emotions you are feeling, they cannot harm your soul. To be able to realize that nothing can harm you is the most empowering result I have experienced. I hope that everyone comes to realize this in some way. Most importantly, my relationship with God has improved and I know He is helping me along the way."

It's through comments and recommendations like this that I realize I'm in the "peace on earth" business. So, now I ask myself how can I, in this time of peace, joy and happiness, help you to find your piece of peace?

What is peace?

Breaking Free - The Stories THEY Tell Us

2009-11-10T07:46:00.001-06:00

The last 2 newsletters I've written have been about the stories the WE tell others and the stories that we tell ourselves. This month I'm going to discuss the stories that others tell us.

As I talk with my clients, I am shocked with how many believe and take to heart the things that others say about them. I know, we as humans value other people and their opinions of us. You try to please other people and live up to their beliefs often at your own expense. Are you a "people-pleaser"? Even if you spout off saying "I don't care what anyone else thinks" (like some teenagers do), it's simply human nature to care. And, chances are there is at least one other person whose opinion of you that you care about. That person may be your spouse or your kids... your boss or your peers... your fellow church-goers or your poker buddies. So what stories are they telling you about you?

Your Beliefs Control Your Destiny

The belief you have in yourself determines everything that you do. Yet many times, you didn't come to that belief yourself. The belief that you have in what you can and cannot do, who you can and cannot be, came from others... your teachers, coaches, parents, pastors, bosses, peers, even the bullies from school. These folks have told you stories about you and you unconsciously believed them.

You may have heard the story of the young man who fell asleep in his math class. He woke up as the bell rang, looked up at the blackboard, and copied down the two problems that were written there. He assumed they were the homework for the night. He went home and labored the rest of the afternoon and into the evening knowing if he didn't complete the work he would surely fail the class. He couldn't figure out either one but he kept trying for the rest of the week. Finally, he got the answer to one and brought it to class. The teacher was absolutely stunned. The boy feared he had done too little, too late. It turned out the problem he solved was supposedly unsolvable.

How did he do it? He was able to do what was thought to be impossible because he believed it was possible. He not only believed it was possible, he believed that if he didn't solve it he would fail the class. Had he known the problem was "unsolvable" he could never have done it.

Have you looked at your beliefs about you lately?

Breaking Free - The Stories We Tell (Part 2)

2009-10-10T07:44:00.001-05:00

Last month's newsletter was about the stories that we tell to ourselves in our own minds. This month we're going to discuss the stories we tell others. Studies show that people think and learn in stories yet many still try to explain things in logical steps. Do you? Do you try to lead by telling and instructing or storytelling?

Some of you may know that I earned a B.S. degree in Chemistry but many of you don't know why. As a matter of fact, many of you may wonder why anyone would want to major in Chemistry. Well, there's a story behind that.

Teaching Through Stories

In high school, I had a science teacher who didn't just talk to us about memorizing the periodic table or ionic bonds and electrons. He used 'stories' to teach us the basics of chemistry. For instance, instead of just learning the principles of nuclear fission, our science teacher taught us how nuclear reactors were constructed. He taught us what those big towers were used for and how it was a safe and reliable way to produce energy. He taught us through chemistry how the TV, the refrigerator and many other every day items worked. (And of course, he let us blow things up in a controlled environment.)

For instance, he told us about the electrons from the cathode ray tube and how there was a focusing anode that pulled and directed these electrons into a tight beam. This tight, high-speed beam of electrons flies through the vacuum in the tube and hits the flat screen at the other end of the tube. In order to control where the beam lands, steering coils are used to create a magnetic field. If you ever looked inside a TV you'd see 2 sets of coils, one that controls the horizontal motion of the beam and one the controls the vertical motion. (Do any of you remember turning those wheel-like buttons on your TV to stop your picture from rolling?) By controlling the voltages in the coils, you can position the electron beam at any point on the screen. The beam paints every other line as it moves down the screen -- for example, every odd-numbered line. Then, the next time it moves down the screen it paints the even-numbered lines, alternating back and forth between even-numbered and odd-numbered lines on each pass. The entire screen, in two passes, is painted 30 times every second. (It happens so fast, your eyes and brain can't even tell that it's happening.) The screen is coated with phosphor, which emits visible light when struck by the beam. In a color screen, there are three phosphors arranged as dots or stripes that emit red, green and blue light. (Our science teacher told me to go look real close at our TV and I would see a whole host of red, green and blue dots.) The electrons falling back to their normal state are what emits the color of light. From those 3 colors (RGB), every color on your TV is created. The story was amazing to me!

Breaking Free - The Stories We Tell (part 1)

2009-09-09T10:16:00.001-05:00

Have you ever done something that you didn't really mean to do? Have you ever reacted negatively and then later thought "Why did I do that?" Have you ever told yourself that "From now on I'm going to..." and then didn't keep the promise to yourself or others? Have you ever reacted to someone only to later find out you didn't have the whole story?

Let's use an example that you may have had or at least seen in the past... You're driving along in traffic, keeping a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, when out of nowhere a car zips up beside you and swerves into the "safe distance" space between you and the car in front of you. This caused you to put on your brakes and re-establish your safe distance.

In that moment, what did you do? Did you cuss, call the person an idiot, or worse? Did you honk your horn? Are you now tailgating the 'idiot' to somehow get back at them? Did your hand fly up into the air with only 4 of your 5 fingers in a fist?

Your Every Day Boogie Man

What just happened? You may say, "That person was driving like a maniac and cut me off!!! Someone could've been killed!" I have a question... did you react to a truly terrifying and threatening event? Is the above statement accurate? In most cases, probably not. You sort of thought they might cut you off as you saw them racing up in your rearview or side mirror so you really had plenty of time to slow down. (In some cases, you may have actually tried to speed up so that they wouldn't cut in, right?) So, why all the drama? I can tell you why. Because in this incident as well as many others throughout your day, you are NOT reacting to reality; you are reacting to a fairy tale. This fairy tale is a story that your mind quickly (within milliseconds) created to make 'sense' of what it just perceived. You told yourself a story - maybe it was about right and wrong or what should or should not happen. Your reaction wasn't based on a near tragic collision; it was based on a fairy tale... a story.

Your reaction to this story is not unlike my reaction to the boogie man when the lights went out in my bedroom as a little girl. My mind would tell me that he was under my bed or in my closet. Sometimes the story that I told myself made me get all the way under my covers so that I could seal him out. You know, because the boogie man, in my mind, wouldn't be able to lift up my blanket, right?

Real Logic

Breaking Free - Lessons from the Loser's Bracket

2009-08-14T20:36:00.006-05:00

At the end of July 2009, I had the honor of umpiring the 10 year-old bracket of the Texas East State Little League Championships. I know, you may be thinking (as did one of the 10 year-old participants), "I never saw a girl umpire before." But it's really true. See, there's a picture of me with the rest of my crew. --->

One of the things about umpiring is you learn something new every game. In this newsletter, I wanted to share some of the wisdom that I learned from the coaches and managers in the loser's bracket of the tournament. Now, this isn't going to be just about baseball, but the wisdom and lessons that can be applied to your leadership skills.

But first let me explain the "loser's bracket". At Texas East State, the tournament is run as a double elimination between four sectional champions... that means that you have to lose twice before you are eliminated and have to go home. If your team happens to lose one game, you are placed in what is called the "loser's bracket" until you lose a second time. Got it?

One of the unique aspects of being an umpire is that you always have one of the best seats in the house for observing the game. I take advantage of this opportunity to see how the coaches coach and lead their teams. Below are just a few of the "words of wisdom" that I heard a couple of weekends ago.

"Don't Swing at Nothin' Ugly"

Ok, in baseball, that means don't chase any bad pitches. Have you swung at something ugly? Have you chased any bad pitches lately? These could be bad pitches or offers from others or just bad ideas or expectations that you come up with on your own. In my work, I often find folks who are chasing bad pitches over and over again. They are either always trying to please others or trying to be perfect. Which 'bad pitch' do you often swing at?

Read the rest of the newsletter at http://www.breakfreeconsulting.com/newsletter/200908-losersbracket.htm.

Breaking Free - Claim Your Freedom

2009-07-09T10:49:00.002-05:00

Last weekend, America celebrated her freedom on Independence Day. This event got me to thinking about our personal freedoms and how precious this gift is to us. But how many of us that live in free countries actually take advantage of that freedom?

As I speak to many people all over the globe, I am realizing that it is individuals who choose to keep themselves bound by not making good choices or knowing that they have choices to make.

Let's look at your last performance review. If it is like most reviews, your supervisor will sit down with you and go over the areas of improvement. Sure, some will tell you what they think you are doing well, but in the end, your development plan will be based upon your weaknesses and how to fix or improve them.

"Down on the Farm"

If you'll bear with me, I have a short story I'd like to tell you. There once was this puppy named Sparky who was born on a large, beautiful farm. There were acres and acres of fields, a forest with trees and large rocks, a stream that flowed through the pastures, a large barn and farmhouse... everything you'd want on a farm. As the puppy grew up, she was encouraged to explore the different areas of the farm. At first, the Sparky wasn't allowed to stray too far from the farmhouse and barn, but later she had the full run of farm grounds. It was fantastic! She was free! Free to explore and grow, run and jump, climb and dig. She learned a lot of excellent dog skills and was a natural at many of them. Then, her owners taught her how to catch balls and Frisbees. She became a fine retriever as she learned how to 'mark' (watch for falling targets that she will later retrieve) and perform blind retrieves (where she has to rely on her owner to tell her where the target is located using a whistle and hand signals). She sure was good at this... maybe even one of the best. Retrieving made her happy; she seemed passionate about it. She was successful, still free to roam all over the farm, and loved to watch her owners take pride in her abilities.

Then, one day, Sparky's cousin pointed out that there was a fence that went all the way around the farm. He told her that if she really wanted to be successful, she'd find a away to get to the other side of the fence. For the first time, Sparky noticed the fence that went all the way around her incredible farm. It seemed to go on forever. Hmmm, she wondered... what was this? A barrier? Sparky became engrossed in the fence. Instead of practicing her retrieving and other skills, she would run off every morning and look for ways to get over, under or around the fence. She studied the fence (would've taken classes on the fence if she wasn't a dog.) She spent days trying to jump over it... weeks, trying to dig under it... months, trying to run around it. She didn't want to retrieve any more as she was determined to overcome this obstacle. Finally after years of trying, when she couldn't find a way to triumph over the fence, she resigned herself to being a old farm dog. She didn't even want to retrieve any more. And retrieving just didn't seem to be as fun, especially knowing that she failed at overcoming the fence.

Freedom is in your strengths

To read the rest, please go to: http://www.breakfreeconsulting.com/newsletter/200907-freedom.htm

Breaking Free - Going Green with Your Team, June 2009

2009-06-03T12:57:00.005-05:00

(Side note: For those of you who think global warming and going green is a hoax of some sort - keep reading. This isn't what you may think.)

Are you a leader? Some folks believe everyone is a leader in one way or another. You may lead a multi-national organization or a team at work. You may lead a business unit or a pack of scouts. You may lead a volunteer organization or just be "mom" or "dad". In any case, you are a leader.

Did you know that one of your primary jobs as a leader is to GO GREEN? After all, it is the latest and greatest initiative. You see if everywhere. Every day there seems to be a new study on how to be more and more "green". One study says to change all your light bulbs to those twisty compact fluorescent ones to save the planet. Another says that there's mercury in those twisty light bulbs that will destroy the planet. Hybrid cars will save fossil fuels, except that the lithium batteries are manufactured and transported using a process that requires far more fossil fuels than the batteries will ever save. What are we to believe? Everyone is jumping on the band wagon, but I'm not sure where it is going. No matter which side you believe, please read on...

I believe that I have a sure fire way to change and "go green" as a leader (without much controversy). Now, I don't mean that you'll lead in the dark because you've turned off your lights. Going green isn't simply about conserving energy and preserving the planet. Going GREEN is about being a good steward of resources... not just fossil fuels and other resources from Mother Earth, but more importantly it is about being a good steward of your organizational energy and the resources within the people that you lead.

Let's talk MILLIONS, BILLIONS and TRILLIONS

2009-05-12T16:06:00.008-05:00

Which is greater $1 trillion or $990 billion?

Ok, most of you reading this blog know that $1 trillion is $10 billion dollars more than $990 billion. But, which number LOOKS bigger when it's spelled out like that?!?

When most people hear millions, billions, trillions, their eyes glaze over. Those numbers are really too big for most people to think about. So, I was thinking... how can we help others to understand?

Here are some options I came up with to resolve these issues and allow the American people to be truly educated and informed:

I think news media should be required to spell it out. When the government talks about a $1 trillion dollar deficit, they should be required to write out $1,000,000,000,000.00 so that people can see all the zeros. So, now when you say that you are cutting $56 million from the $1 trillion dollar deficit it would look like this:
1,000,000,000,000

- _____56,000,000

999,944,000,000
Or, the government budget offices should be required to use analogies so that the common folk could understand and see it as it is... their money. In the above example, they could have us imagine that we were making $50,000 per year and the drastic cuts that the government is talking about would amount to you cutting $0.30 from your spending... or a person making $100,000 scraping together a way of saving $0.60.

Well, I don't think the government or media will be honest with us. So how about each of you doing your part? When numbers come out from Congress or the White House, let's all try to break it down to numbers that we can wrap our heads around.

If you're a visual person, check out this short YouTube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWt8hTayupE.

Change & Beliefs

2009-05-11T12:01:00.001-05:00

Every day I have the opportunity to meet someone new. Lately I have met so many terrific people. I am constantly amazed and excited to see the seeds of greatness within them. Their potential is so evident not just to me but to all who know them... "All" usually meaning everyone but them.

For example, someone I know very well once believed that she wasn't a good speaker / presenter. For decades, she dreaded any situation that involved standing in front of even 5 people and talking. It was a deeply held belief which was totally and only supported by her thoughts and emotions. There was no real empirical evidence to support this belief. In fact, to others she was a fantastic speaker.

Today if you check out her LinkedIn profile you'll see over 50 recommendations for her speaking abilities alone. Statements like: "Traci is a dynamic and engaging speaker / presenter..." and "Traci's presentation at the American Society for Training and Development (ASTD) in Houston was the highlight of their 2008 EXPO. She established rapport and gained immediate credibility with her humor and in-depth knowledge of her subject. We were educated and entertained! What else can you ask for?"

Ok, yes, that person I know very well is me. You wouldn't know it now, but my beliefs were my beliefs and no matter what others said, I didn't believe them. No one could convince me to change my beliefs except for ME. But how do you convince yourself to do that?

Do you ever question your beliefs?

Six Ways to Boost Brainpower: Scientific American

2009-05-06T16:04:00.001-05:00

Six Ways to Boost Brainpower: Scientific American

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Rights vs. Entitlements

2009-04-30T08:27:00.009-05:00

Definition of Entitlements: A government program that guarantees and provides benefits to a particular group.

Definition of Rights: that which is due to anyone by just claim, legal guarantees, moral principles, etc.

It seems as though many in America believe that these are one and the same, but in fact, they are not.

Many of you know that I study and teach axiology - the science of human value and value judgments. Axiology provides a logical structure for valuing and has 3 classes or dimensions of value into which everything can fall.

The least valuable (mathematically) is systemic. Systemic value involves mental constructs and things that only exist in our minds. They are intangible like rules, policies, plans, ideas and expectations. Examples are a circle, the speed limit, a marketing plan, a law, a regulation.

Infinitely more valuable than the systemic is the Extrinsic. Extrinsic value involves tangible things. So, when a plan is implemented and something is created that's extrinsic. When a law is enforced and action is taken that 'doing' is extrinsic in nature.

Infinitely more valuable than the extrinsic is the Intrinsic dimension of value. Intrinsic value and valuation is around the infinitely valuable. Examples are one of a kind, incomparable things... i.e. human beings, freedom, compassion, community.

Why do I mention these classes of value? Because when we as human beings transpose one type of value onto an item in another class it can be dangerous. That is what seems to be happening with rights and entitlements. Rights are intrinsic while entitlements are systemic!! Many are being told that their entitlements are their rights. Rights are inalienable; entitlements are imposed. They are transposing the highest form of value (intrinsic) onto something that is systemic and a member of the lowest class of value.

Here's another example: Let's say that you are married to the love of your life - that's intrinsic! However, if you decided to value your spouse based on whether he/she followed your rules and lived up to all of your expectations, not only would you be very disappointed, but, by comparing your one-of-a-kind spouse to your ideas or to another, you are infinitely devaluing them. (Now you know why they get so mad at you.)

That is exactly what is happening when our government, the media, and others transpose systemic value to "rights". We are devaluing HUMAN BEINGS.

On 10 December 1948, the General Assembly of the United Nations adopted and proclaimed the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, let's take a look at some these:

All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.
Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status.
Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person.
Everyone has the right to recognition everywhere as a person before the law.
Everyone has the right to own property alone as well as in association with others.
Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.
Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance.
Everyone has the right to freedom of peaceful assembly and association.

The above seem to be true rights and freedoms.

However, there are other "rights" in this declaration that are entitlements. Look at these ones:

Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food, clothing, housing and medical care and necessary social services, and the right to security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control.
Everyone has the right to education. Education shall be free, at least in the elementary and fundamental stages. Elementary education shall be compulsory. Technical and professional education shall be made generally available and higher education shall be equally accessible to all on the basis of merit.
Everyone has the right to work, to free choice of employment, to just and favourable conditions of work and to protection against unemployment.
Everyone has the right to form and to join trade unions for the protection of his interests.

(You may notice a little influence from FDR in this second list.) Can you see the difference between the first list and the second?

You see, the first list is about freedom from systemic governing bodies. It is about rights which are not conferred on man by man and cannot be denied by to man by man. Rights are inalienable and divinely bestowed. The Founding Fathers of the US were trying to curtail government intervention into human lives when they wrote the Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights and Constitution.

The second list is about entitlements. Entitlements are 'governmentally' bestowed by taking from others and giving to some. The government can not give away "protection against unemployment", "a standard of living", "education", "security" unless it takes away something from others. The (systemic) government doesn't have these things without the (intrinsic) human beings.

If we continue to view the government as the answer, we will continue to devalue the human beings that make up this fantastic country. If we truly believe what are President said earlier this year at George Mason University that "It is true that we cannot depend on government alone to create jobs or long-term growth. But at this particular moment, only government can provide the short-term boost necessary to lift us from a recession this deep and severe." then we are believing that the idea of a circle is more valuable than a human being.

If we believe that the laws and rules of government are the answer, WE are devaluing the very things that this country was created for... life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Come Together: Our Need to Cooperate: Scientific American

2009-04-22T21:16:00.001-05:00

Come Together: Our Need to Cooperate: Scientific American

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Thoughts to Tea Party and other protesting participants

2009-04-18T16:04:00.005-05:00

A few days ago on April 15, 2009, thousands and thousands of people in the United States had a "tea party" in cities all around the country. Some said TEA was an acronym for Taxed Enough Already. The basic message was one of great skepticism about the government's remedies to the current economic "crisis". Sure, there were extremists out there, but most of the folks I know who participated were just your "normal" Americans... hard-working, family-oriented, community-minded people who are shocked at the government's response. They see that this our federal government is utilizing the financial strategies from Bernie Madoff and that somehow we can borrow our way out of debt. The US citizens see themselves as the victims of a ponzie scheme far bigger than Bernie could ever imagine.

But I have a message to all of the party-goers and protesters... protest, cry out, have your voices be heard and then PLEASE, PLEASE go out and SUCCEED anyway.

Despite the wrongdoings you rise up against, be innovative, persistent, courageous and principled in adding value to the world. YOU ARE NOT VICTIMS!

You are Americans and still amongst the freest human beings on this planet. Remember that former first lady, Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." In the same vain, no one can make you feel like a victim without your permission.

Oh sure, you can be victimized, but you don't have to feel like a victim. Much in the same way that you can fail and not be or feel like a failure.

You have been heard, now utilize your energy to become successful. Add value to this earth by solving problems and finding opportunities. As long as you are free, you can find them! and you can conquer these challenges. Continue to protect liberty by going out and creating jobs for your neighbors - you can do that by understanding what people need most and delivering it to them.

Sure, I believe our conditions could be better, but instead of just protesting, let's make sure we DO something about it. As I've written before, we could be freer. However, that just means that we can't waste the incredible gift of freedom that we do have. We must keep moving forward!

So, to you tea partiers and protesters, please don't allow your emotions to derail you... don't allow circumstances to discourage you. Keep standing up for what you believe but don't let it consume you. Go out and be the best you that you can possibly be and build something, create something of value. Don't just point out the problems, become the solutions.

Pssst: Gossip hurts--but friends can protect you from the worst of it: Scientific American Blog

2009-04-16T06:56:00.000-05:00

Pssst: Gossip hurts--but friends can protect you from the worst of it: Scientific American Blog Posted using ShareThis

Thermostat or Thermometer?

2009-04-13T08:33:00.004-05:00

In life, change is either created by you or happens to you. Yet, your response to change is ALWAYS your choice. So the majority of the time, do you affect change or does change affect you?

Are you typically a thermostat or a thermometer?

What's the Difference?

Thermostats set the temperature of the environment while thermometers react to the environment.

As a leader, which best describes you most of the time? Are you mostly in control and being the thermostat? Are you allowing your boss, your circumstances or even your followers to set the temperature on your thermometer?

There are some leaders who don't want to 'rock the boat'. They spend most of their time polling their team members and their management. They are interested in pleasing others. If you were sitting next to them in church, you might over hear them talk to the person on their left who say, "Boy, it's cold in here today," "It sure is", would be their response. The person on their right might then turn and whisper to them, "My, my, it's warm in here today." They would respond by saying, "It sure is."

These leaders respond as thermometers. Someone, something, or some expectation is setting the temperature for them. Some are cold and distant because of circumstances and they choose to be closed and fearful. Others are hot and blistering because they believe that their circumstances warrant their anger and ire.

Living as a thermometer can leave you feeling frustrated, distant, or overwhelmed because your mind tells you that you "must", you "have to", you "need to" respond to the changing temperature in your life. What are the things that you believe that you "have to" do? (Go to work? Pick up the kids? Go to church? Do the laundry?) If your habit is to feel obligated and your mind gives you thoughts that you "have to", "should", or "must", you are a thermometer to your own thinking habits. These are just thought habits, however, that have been created in your mind which you are choosing to respond to and believe.

How Conflicts Escalate: Overreacting to Perceived Slights: Scientific American

2009-04-07T21:05:00.004-05:00

Here's an interesting article on how people punish one another for stinginess more than they reward for generosity. It only takes a minute or two to read and could give you something new to think about...
How Conflicts Escalate: Overreacting to Perceived Slights: Scientific American

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Let's change the standard definition of P.C.

2009-04-06T12:00:00.000-05:00

To many people here in the US, P.C. means 'political correctness'. Personally, I don't believe there is anything political or correct about it. I mean, if we call a turd a flower, does it really make it a flower?

Political means 'of, pertaining to, or involving the state or its government' or 'pertaining to the art or science of government or governing' or even 'the methods or tactics involved in managing a state or government'. (Please note it says 'managing a government' NOT manipulating the population.)

Correctness means having the properties of being correct. And being correct means that it is 'right' or 'free from error or fault; true or accurate'.

Yet, somehow when we pull these two words together we get something totally different. The American Heritage Dictionary defines the 2 words together as 'avoidance of expressions or actions that can be perceived to exclude or marginalize or insult people who are socially disadvantaged or discriminated against'.

Huh? From the first two definitions, being politically correct would mean governing by what is right, accurate and true. I don't see anywhere in those definitions where political or correctness means that no one ever in this world should ever be even marginally offended or insulted.

Let's examine what I think P.C. really means...

Being P.C. really means 'Patronizing Censorship'. It really tells people that they are inferior because they can't handle someone's opinion of them. So, we should reword or censor all of our statements in a manner that doesn't hurt their feelings. Really? Are we Americans a bunch of spineless babies who can't handle someone talking negatively about us any more? Must we truly limit our freedom of speech because someone chooses to be offended by them?

P.C. also means 'Preplanned Compliance'. This makes us feel like we have to 'walk on eggshells' and avoid spontaneity. Lord knows, if we happened to slip up and say what we really meant, we would fall out of compliance and be slapped with heavy fines and penalties. We wouldn't ever want to hear another person's unrehearsed, unadulterated opinion or experiences. That would be such a tragedy. (Yes, you are detecting a note of sarcasm there. Oh, wait, is sarcasm politically correct?)

Being P.C. actually 'Promotes Corruption'. It tells people that it is acceptable to be dishonest and even encourages them to lack or push aside their integrity. They are not allowed to be true to themselves and their thoughts because in doing so they might possibly offend someone. Instead, we have to massage our message so that we don't say what we truly mean but instead what others want to hear. (No wonder so many people feel unheard and isolated in our society.)

P.C. causes us to treat each other like 'Purposeless Caricatures'. It makes us somehow feel like we aren't real live people with hearts, minds, and souls. Instead we are aimless pawns that need 'their' rules, policies and procedures so that we might properly navigate the game board of life.

Most of all, PC translates to 'Paralyzes Communication'. It limits our freedom of speech and keeps us from fully expressing ourselves. Following the rules of P.C. tells us that our thoughts, ideas, and opinions don't matter unless they fit into 'their' Prescribed Conditions. And when our thoughts, ideas and opinions don't matter, our humanness doesn't matter.

I say we redefine this acronym!

Let's have P.C.'s definition be 'Personal Choice'. Let's allow ourselves to have the freedom of speech that the First Amendment guarantees. Our founding fathers and many others have DIED for this right. Now, our society has somehow made it the standard, or should I say, made it politically correct, for this right to be taken away from us.

Let's have P.C. stand for 'Practical Confidence'. Let's not be so confident that we are cocky and self-righteous. Let's be realistic about who we are and let's be confident and sure that we are and are becoming whom we were created to become. It is not arrogant to make claims of superiority when you ARE superior in

How about 'Principled Constitution'? And by that I mean our personal constitution or make up. Let's raise our next generation of children to have a solid human foundation... to believe in themselves; to be self-accepting, self-assured, broad-minded and big-hearted. Let's teach them to 'Promote Charity', 'Provide Comfort', 'Promote Community', Praise Cultural differences and Publicly Consider and debate our differing ideas. Let's teach them that...

"It's not what you are called, but what you answer to that matters!!"

Les Brown once told a teacher that he was EMR (educable mentally retarded) and couldn't do what the teacher had asked. 'They' had labeled him. His teacher, Mr. Washington, then said something to Les that changed his life...

"Someone's opinion of you does NOT have to become YOUR reality."

When someones says something negative, derogatory or demeaning about your race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, class, geography or ecology, it does NOT have to become YOUR reality. YOU control your destiny. If one door is closed to you, find a way to open it or go find or make another door. You have the Power to Choose!

Eleanor Roosevelt once said,

"No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."

If each one of us truly and deeply believed that, there would be no need for Political Correctness which Paralyzes Communication and isolates us, and dare I say, segregates us one from another. In fact, no one can make you feel anything without your permission... no one can make your feel offended without your permission. No one can make you feel humiliated without your permission. No one can make you feel victimized without your permission.

While we may not choose our circumstances... We DO choose our reactions to our circumstances. That is what differentiates us from every other living creature on the planet. Even in the most tragic of conditions, we can choose our response. That is what makes us human. Political Correctness leads us to believe that we don't have that ability.

Political Correctness perpetuates FEAR. The only way to overcome it is through LOVE. You CAN love people and still be politically incorrect. These 2 things are NOT mutually exclusive although 'they' (the promoters of political correctness) would like you to think so.

Let's work to bring the different cultures, different religions, and different people of this great nation together!! Let's stop the divisiveness of Political Correctness. Let's not allow the very characteristics that makes us great to tear us apart.

Let's get rid of political correctness and replace it with Principled Constitution, Practical Confidence and Personal Choice. That, my friends, will allow us to overcome this fabricated fear and live together in liberty and love.

(Republished from 2 years ago because it has a lot of relevance to today.)

Freedom to Live

2009-04-02T07:20:00.009-05:00

Freedom... is there anything more powerful?

In the USAToday this morning, there was a poll asking what adults say is their idea of the American Dream. The results?

It appears that freedom is at the top of the list. Freedom to accomplish and freedom to speak. What's also interesting is that the next two items are financial and these items also require freedom in order to be attained.

I believe that men and women of this earth can solve or overcome any crisis or challenge as long as they are FREE.

There is no greater power on this planet than a human being that is free to dream, create and be.

As an American, I am greatly blessed. I happened to be born in and live in the freest country in the world. As long as you have your freedom you can create great wealth... for yourself and for the world. (Haven't Americans already done that throughout our history?)

Freedom, however, includes the freedom to fail. Our current government (both political parties) seems to want to eliminate failure and corruption. By doing this, they will also eliminate our freedom and our ability as human beings to learn, adapt and grow into our full potential.

For instance, yesterday, did smokers in the US, with the additional sixty-two cent tax on a pack of cigarettes, gain or lose freedom? Regardless of their choice to continue smoking and pay the tax or quit smoking and not pay the tax, they lost some of their freedom to choose because of the new law. They are not simply free to make the same decision they did the day before without new consequences.

If your freedoms start to disappear, if you are no longer free to succeed or fail, your potential is being limited and you will become retarded in your growth. Oh sure, you will have naysayers who will tell you that freedom breeds corruption - just look at our current financial situation. However, it didn't happen because of freedom, it happened when others took freedom away.

When the US government (again, both political parties), steps in and tells its citizens that they are entitled to own a home even if they can't afford it, the government has taken away the freedom of the new homeowner. Ask any one of them that are now struggling to hold on to their unearned home... do they own the house or does the house own them?

Although there is just one letter difference between owe and own... the gap is bridged by freedom. When you owe, you have less freedom. When you own, you have more. There is a HUGE difference between being owed a home (entitled) and owning a home (deeded or titled).

We need to make sure that the "n" is at the end of "ow" and not the beginning of "titled" because THAT IS FREEDOM.

The greatest travesty bestowed upon the poor of this nation, particularly the African Americans, is the welfare and entitlement systems and mentality. This country, no, the world, would be far greater than it is today if the poor in this country would've been told about their freedom instead of told the falsehood of what some others owe them.

The wealth of this nation, dare I say the world, is ONLY created by people who are FREE!

I want to encourage everyone regardless of their political affiliation, race, gender, orientation, or status to preserve and fight for freedom. It is not about who has more. It IS about YOUR ability and freedom , if you so choose, to create more.

The more a government takes from ANYONE, the fewer resources and freedom the people have to grow wealth and prosper as human beings. When this happens the whole world loses.

Does the fountain of youth lie in the naked mole rat?

2009-03-31T15:22:00.003-05:00

Don't judge this book by its cover (or lack of one), it just may hold the secret to a longer, disease-free life. Check out this 60 second article: Does the fountain of youth lie in the naked mole rat?

Where in the world am I?

2009-03-30T08:00:00.000-05:00

Now you can know...

2009-03-26T07:31:00.001-05:00

Today I will be master of my emotions. Weak is he who permits his thoughts to control his actions; strong is he who forces his actions to control his thoughts.

Changing Through Experience

2009-03-09T14:38:00.001-05:00

You've heard the saying "experience is the best teacher", right?

The great Roman leader Julius Caesar recorded the earliest known version of this proverb, "Experience is the teacher of all things." around 52 B.C.

The Roman author Pliny in 77 A.D. wrote, "Experience is the most efficient teacher of all things." (Sounds like he copied most of it from JC.)

What I think they really mean is most people learn more by doing than by reading or listening.

Would you agree with that?

If experience is the best teacher, then why did I spend all those years in school? Was it to gain knowledge or gain experience? Shouldn't I just have gone out and gathered lots and lots of experience?

If experience is the best teacher then why aren't those with the most life experiences the most successful?

Will Rogers

Will Rogers once said, "The trouble with using experience as your guide is that sometimes the final exam comes first, then the lesson."

Og Mandino wrote, "In truth, experience teaches thoroughly yet her course of instruction devours men's years so the value of her lessons diminishes with the time necessary to acquire her special wisdom. The end finds it wasted on dead men. Furthermore, experience is comparable to fashion; an action that proved successful today will be unworkable and impractical tomorrow."

Do you agree with those statements?

So which is it then? Let's look at axiology first and then we'll take a peek at how neuroscience and the brain work to answer the question "Is Experience the Best Teacher?".

The Value of Experience

Knowledge (thinking) lays the foundation for experience, yet axiologically knowledge is infinitely less valuable than experience. You see, knowledge is systemic. By definition, it only exists in your mind. Experience is extrinsic... you can measure it and you can see it. Something that is tangible is infinitely more valuable than something that only exists in your head.

So, experience is infinitely more valuable than knowledge. But is it the best teacher?

Because you have measured it, seen it, and experienced it, does that mean that you have learned from it? Of course not!

It is implied in the saying "Experience is the best teacher" that if you experience a lot, you will learn a lot. Now I'm not going to tell you that experience isn't a good teacher but it is only a good teacher if it brings about change.

A rich and wise man once told me, "to know and not do is not to know". Sure I was confused at first, but then I realized what it meant. For example, to say you KNOW you should exercise more and not DO it, is exactly the same as not knowing you should do it. Why? Because the knowledge changes nothing.

Read the rest of the newsletter at http://www.breakfreeconsulting.com/newsletters/200903-experience.htm.

Speed of Change

2009-02-03T11:11:00.001-06:00

Let's take a look at the speed of change these days...

INFORMATION: One week’s worth of NY Times newspaper contains more information than a person could access in a lifetime in the 18th century.
ENGLISH LANGUAGE: Has over 540,000 words (5 times what existed in the 1600's when Shakespeare wrote his works)
JOBS: top 10 “in-demand” jobs of 2010 did not exist in 2004
JOB TENURE: 1 in 4 workers have been with their current employer less than 1 year; 1 in 2 less than 5 years with their current employer

Change is:

Sudden
Exponential
Constant
(and often times scary)

Robert B. Reich says, "Companies that can’t change the way that they think about change won’t be able to change the way they compete. Companies that can’t change in this new environment can’t play in this new economy."

The same holds true for you. If you can't, won't or don't change the way that you think about change, you won't be able to compete in today's economy.

How to keep up

How can one human being keep up with constant, exponential change? It comes down to VALUE. Look at it this way...

Do you remember the "change agents" that companies brought into their organizations in the past? They were given the positional authority to make changes and help the company do things cheaper, faster and better. This pushed the company toward linear (extrinsic) improvement. They would cut costs, question current practices, and apply new technology. Then, they would use command and control techniques to force these changes into the organization (usually without much buy-in from the folks who had to implement these changes. This approach to change was mechanical, limited, out-of-touch, and point-to-point.

Change today cannot only be about changing EXTRINSIC "things" because "things" keep changing and you couldn't keep up. Today's change must be about the INTRINSIC!! It must be about focusing on the genius of human beings... YOUR genius.

Focus on the Intrinsic

Og Mandino writes:

A mulberry leaf touched with the genius of man becomes silk.

A field of clay touched with the genius of man becomes a castle.

A cypress tree touched with the genius of man becomes a shrine.

A cut of sheep's hair touched with the genius of man becomes raiment for a king.

If it is possible for leaves and clay and wood and hair to have their value multiplied a hundred, yea a thousandfold by man, cannot I do the same with the clay which bears my name?

Today I will multiply my value a hundredfold.

Your genius and your brilliance...

that is what makes exponential growth possible!!

To read more, click here.

Upcoming Speaking Engagements

2009-01-21T11:14:00.001-06:00

I'd like to invite you to attend any of my upcoming speaking engagements:

Date (2009)	Location	Time	Organization
Feb 10	Rochester, NY	6:00 - 8:00 p.m.	PMI Rochester Chapter Meeting
Feb 17	Syracuse, NY	5:30 - 8:00 p.m.	PMI Syracuse Chapter Meeting
Feb 18	Buffalo, NY	11:30 - 1:00 p.m.	PMI Buffalo Lunch Seminar
Mar 2	New York City, NY	5:30 - 7:30 p.m.	PMI NYC Career Development Network
Mar 10	Westchester, NY	5:30 - 7:30 p.m.	PMI Westchester Chapter Meeting
Mar 18	Baton Rouge, LA	5:30 - 7:30 p.m.	PMI Baton Rouge Chapter Meeting
Mar 19	New Orleans, LA	5:30 - 7:30 p.m.	PMI Greater New Orleans Chapter Meeting
Apr 9	College Station, TX	11:30 - 1:30 p.m.	ASTD Brazos Valley Chapter Meeting
Apr 16	Oklahoma City, OK	11:30 - 1:00 p.m.	PMI Oklahoma City Chapter Meeting
Apr 21	Morristown, NJ	5:30 - 9:00 p.m.	PMI New Jersey Chapter Meeting
Apr 23	Appleton, WI	8:30 - 9:30 a.m.	PMI Northeast Wisconsin Keynote Address
May 13	Kitchener, Ontario, Canada	5:30 - 9:00 p.m.	PMI Canada’s Technology Triangle
May 18-20	Amsterdam, Netherlands	TBD	PMI EMEA Global Congress
May 28	Thousand Oaks, CA	5:15 - 9:00 p.m.	PMI Los Padres Chapter Meeting

Resolutions and Change

2009-01-04T16:18:00.006-06:00

Congratulations!! You've made it to a New Year! This is the time of year when you may be reminiscing about 2008 and making plans for 2009. This can be both exciting and frustrating.

Have you made any resolutions? Resolutions are all about change. I like to think of it as being all about GROWTH. (Change is more difficult and sometimes feared, where as growth is a natural process of living.)

Have you struggled with your resolutions in the past? If so, we'll take a look at change (growth) together in this newsletter and hopefully, you'll be able to implement the steps needed at the end to realize your potential in 2009. Let's get started...

++ Change is Hard!

I bet you already knew that change was hard but I bet you don't know just how hard it is.

Change or Die

What if that was your choice for 2009? Really. I'm not joking here. What if you had to change or you died? I'm talking about life and death - YOUR life or death. What if a super-smart, trusted authority figure approached you and said you had to make difficult and permanent changes in the way you think and act or your life would end soon, would you be able to do it?

"Yes", you say?

Really? Try again.

"Yes!!", you say with more emphasis as if I didn't hear you the first time.

The truth is you are probably deluding yourself. You wouldn't change. Not if it was too uncomfortable or difficult.

Don't believe me? Let's look at the statistics:

Let's look at patients with severe heart disease who have undergone coronary bypass surgery, a traumatic and expensive procedure that can cost more than $100,000 if complications arise. About 600,000 people go through this procedure every year in the United States and another 1.3 million patients have angioplasties - all at a cost of about $30 billion. These procedures temporarily relive chest pains but rarely prolong lives or prevent future heart attacks. Many patients could AVOID the need for repeat surgery or repeat chest pain - not to mention changing the course of their disease and adding years to their lives - simply by switching to a healthier lifestyle. Yet, very few do. Their lives are at significantly greater risk unless they exercise and lose weight, and they clearly see the value of changing their behavior. But, after just two years, over 90% of them don’t follow through. Even though they know they have a very bad disease and they know they should change their lifestyle habits, for whatever reason, they don't.

There are people in the legislative and executive branches of the US government who preach about improving healthcare in the US. Yet, for the last 50 years, even with all the advances in technology and medical care, the US is still plagued by the same five issues that it had back in the 1950's. Eighty percent (80%) of the healthcare budget in the US - estimated to be $2.4 TRILLION dollars annually = 15% of our economy = over 50% of the US Federal Budget (minus the bailout money) - is spent on these five issues.

If you could change these 5 problems, you would solve all of the healthcare issues here in the US. That's amazing, isn't it. So, what are these 5 issues? They are all behavioral and VERY preventable...

Too much smoking
Too much drinking (alcoholic beverages)
Too much eating (including high calorie beverages)
Too much stress
Not enough exercise

Have you ever tried to change any of these things in your life? Are any of these things on your list of changes (again) for 2009?

++ Change is Pain!

To read more, click here.

Great Expectations for 2009: Scientific American Podcast

2008-12-30T10:40:00.003-06:00

Multiple experiments by Duke University professor Dan Ariely reveal how our expectations hugely influence our decisions, and ultimately, our experiences.

Well maybe consider Duke professor Dan Ariely’s book, Predictably Irrational, in which he describes how our expectations can hugely affect our decisions.

Listen to this 60 second podcast by clicking here.

Happy New Year!!!

Upcoming Speaking Engagements

2008-12-29T11:08:00.000-06:00

I'd like to invite you to attend any of my upcoming speaking engagements:

Date (2009)	Location	Time	Organization
Jan 13	Houston, TX	6:30 - 8:00 p.m.	PMI Houston North Chapter Meeting
Jan 14	Houston, TX	6:30 - 8:00 p.m.	PMI Houston Galleria Chapter Meeting
Feb 10	Rochester, NY	6:00 - 8:00 p.m.	PMI Rochester Chapter Meeting
Feb 17	Syracuse, NY	5:30 - 8:00 p.m.	PMI Syracuse Chapter Meeting
Feb 18	Buffalo, NY	11:30 - 1:00 p.m.	PMI Buffalo Lunch Seminar
Mar 2	New York City, NY	5:30 - 7:30 p.m.	PMI NYC Career Development Network
Mar 10	Westchester, NY	5:30 - 7:30 p.m.	PMI Westchester Chapter Meeting
Mar 18	Baton Rouge, LA	5:30 - 7:30 p.m.	PMI Baton Rouge Chapter Meeting
Mar 19	New Orleans, LA	5:30 - 7:30 p.m.	PMI Greater New Orleans Chapter Meeting
Apr 9	College Station, TX	11:30 - 1:30 p.m.	ASTD Brazos Valley Chapter Meeting
Apr 16	Oklahoma City, OK	11:30 - 1:00 p.m.	PMI Oklahoma City Chapter Meeting
Apr 21	Morristown, NJ	5:30 - 9:00 p.m.	PMI New Jersey Chapter Meeting
Apr 23	Appleton, WI	8:30 - 9:30 a.m.	PMI Northeast Wisconsin Keynote Address
May 13	Kitchener, Ontario, Canada	5:30 - 9:00 p.m.	PMI Canada’s Technology Triangle
May 18-20	Amsterdam, Netherlands	TBD	PMI EMEA Global Congress
May 28	Thousand Oaks, CA	5:15 - 9:00 p.m.	PMI Los Padres Chapter Meeting

Intrinsically Valuing YOU

2008-12-10T10:28:00.000-06:00

Do you ever think about your intrinsic, infinite value? In today's world, you are taught from a very young age that your value isn't in WHO you are but it is in WHAT you do and HOW you behave.

In elementary school you are first taught all the rules... don't cut in line, don't write on the walls, don't put gum in Suzie's hair. Then, you are taught reading, writing and arithmetic and graded on how well you learned it. You are measured almost every day in school with tests, quizzes and homework. Are you ever taught about the value of people? Is it any wonder that you only see your systemic and extrinsic value?

Come to think of it, how do you even know that you are intrinsically valuable? Are you priceless and irreplaceable?

I tell a story at some of my speaking engagements... Those of you who are over 25 y.o. may remember the story of Baby Jessica. Baby Jessica was 18 months old when she was playing in the backyard of her aunt's house in Midland, Texas. Her aunt went into the house to answer the phone. When she came back moments later, the other children she was babysitting were looking down the casing of an abandoned well. As we later found out, Jessica was wedged in the 8-inch wide pipe 22 feet down. For 58 hours, the world watched as an estimated 450 volunteers tried to rescue 'Baby Jessica'. Drillers, miners and volunteers from as far away as Albuquerque, N.M. selflessly dropped everything and rushed to where their skills were needed.

Why? Why were so many people involved in the rescue of one little baby girl? Can you imagine how much money was spent drilling that parallel shaft and then trying to find a away to dig over to where the little girl was stuck? I mean, we didn't even know if Jessica was going to amount to anything. Was she going to do well in school, complete her homework and get stars on the top of her quizzes and tests? Was she going to behave and obey the rules? Really! Was she going to be worth all of this effort when we didn't even know what she was going to DO when she grew up? Besides, couldn't her parents just get together and make a new one?

Ok, I am being quite facetious. Why did we rescue her? Because as long as those listening devices were picking up Baby Jessica's cries and sounds from that well, we all knew that there was a precious human life to be saved. No matter what the cost in materials or how many human labor hours were needed, as long as she was alive, our efforts to get her out would be unceasing. Baby Jessica is a priceless, irreplaceable, infinitely valuable human being and so are YOU!

Distorting Reality

Over the years, through your experiences, your mind has picked up thought habits that do not accurately reflect reality. These thinking patterns were developed over time and now your mind 'sees' the world through these distorted glasses. In some areas of your life the distortion isn't great at all. In others, the misperception and myths are truly detrimental.

To learn more, click here.

Improving Your Reality

2008-11-05T10:20:00.000-06:00

Your brain creates your reality. How much time do you spend thinking about your brain? Do you ever pay attention to your brain? Today we're going to discuss your brain's role in perception and reality. We'll also see if you have A.N.T.s in your brain.

John Milton in Paradise Lost wrote, "The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven."

In life, it is not what happens to you that determines what you do or how you feel; it is how your mind perceives reality that makes it so. So, how has your mind been making your reality?

Most people are unaware of how their thinking clouds their reality. They are unaware that they are not controlled by events or other people but by the perceptions their brains make of those events and people.

Take the stock markets across the world... some people are saddened, depressed and even angry over the falling stock prices. They see the value of their portfolios or 401k accounts dropping by 40% and react to their perception that the stock market is too risky so they pull their funds out of the market and put it in 'safer' investments (or under their mattress). Compare that to the people who saw the same drop of 40% in their investments and are excited. They are looking for cash to BUY more stocks because they view the current situation as a SALE... everything is 40% off!!

What's the difference? "Reality" is still reality... the stock market is down. But, their brains see the same situation from different perspectives and they will obtain different results. Understand that the view your brain takes of a situation, event or person has more reality in it than the actual situation itself.

Reality & Perception

Your perceptions bear witness to your state of mind and the state of your brain. What you see in life is based on your INNER view of the world formed by the neural connections of your mind. As your brain functions, so you perceive.

Dr. Daniel Amen in his book, Making a Good Brain Great, talks about a formula that he writes out for his patients:

A + B = C

A = Actual Event

B = Brain's interpretation or perception of the event

C = Conclusion or how you react to the event Most people think that the A things that happen to you determine your (C) behavior. Actually, it is the B part (your brain's interpretation or perception of the event) that largely determines how you respond. You spend a lot of your time, energy and money trying to change A thinking that it will change C. Other people and events (A) cannot make you do anything. It is your brain's interpretation or perception (B) that causes your behavior (C).

You should seek not only to change your outside world by learning different tips and techniques to manipulate and influence, but also (and more importantly) seek to change your inside world or how your brain perceives situations.

Here's a key point: Just as your brain can distort reality, it can also improve it!!

Read the rest of this article by clicking here.

Increasing The Power of Your Influence

2008-10-07T10:15:00.000-05:00

You are an influencer - a leader. So let's talk about the neuro-axiology of sales - yes, sales. For those of you in business development, you'll find value in this article. For those of you who believe that you aren't in sales - LISTEN UP! Selling is a part of everyone's life.

The word "sell" comes from the Old English word "sellan" which means "to give". Yes, "give", not take or win. Selling is giving and (whether you are in a sales role or not) giving IS a part of your life.

Win/Win or Win/Not Lose?

Your brain naturally and consistently tries to add value. Every choice you make is a choice that your brain believes adds more value than your unchosen options.

As an influencer, leader, or sales person, your job is to help your client, customer, or follower make the best decision for THEM. You want a true win/win solution - which means the solution adds value to your life AND to theirs. Many times we see folks who try to manipulate the situation (you may even be guilty of this at times). When your mind is self-focused, it only cares to add value to your life. So, win/lose is acceptable, but in the long run does NOT add the most value. So, if you can't get a win/win maybe a win/not lose is acceptable. That means you win and the client or team member doesn't lose (but doesn't win either.) That ISN'T selling, giving, or influencing. That is manipulating, taking and DEVALUING!

We've all seen sporting events where teams decide to play 'not to lose' instead of playing to win. My beloved Steelers call it their 'prevent defense' - which usually prevents them from winning. But I digress... If both or all parties are not winning, then both or all parties will ultimately LOSE.

Many times you have a terrific solution for your client or team member yet they don't see the value. As an influencer, it is your role to help them do that. Understanding how the brain makes value-based decisions is what neuro-axiology is all about. When you understand neuro-axiology, even just a little bit, you'll be a better leader and influencer.

To learn more about the brain and your power to influence, click here.

Optical Delusions

2008-09-10T10:04:00.003-05:00

Often, you hear statements that you perceive are unbelievable. You may even respond by saying, "Are you kidding me?!?" Today, I'd like you to focus on a similar question...

"Are you kidding YOU?!?"

Your perception is your reality. But, what if your perception doesn't accurately reflect the current moment? In order to bring intrinsic value to any moment, project, relationship, etc., you need to be aligned with the present reality.

What are optical delusions?

Well, I think you know what an optical illusion is, right? It's something that appears one way, but is actually another. Like the image to the right... it looks like the bottom line is longer than the top, yet if you measure them, they are exactly the same length.

In the picture to the left, how many triangles do you see? Most people will say 2 or 6 or 8. How many are there? ZERO! Your brain, however, has been trained to recognize patterns so it 'helps' you and somehow interprets the notches in the circles and the "V" shapes as triangles.

The word 'optical' refers to sight or vision. The word 'illusion' means something that deceives; a false impression or idea. However, the word 'delusion' refers to a persistent false belief.

You should recognize in the picture to the left that there are no triangles present. Even if you once believed the illusions that there were triangles, you should now be able to take a closer look and see that there are none. If you still held on to your belief, this would indicate a 'delusion'.

To read the rest of this article, click here.

Roles are Holes

2008-08-06T07:44:00.005-05:00

Role playing is hard work. Have you ever noticed that?

Take a moment to observe how you interact with other people. You may detect changes in your attitude, behavior, and speech depending on who you are interacting with. When you talk to a child, or when you talk to a server in a restaurant, do you speak differently? How about when you talk to your boss or when you talk to the janitor? When you walk into a store or the post office or the department of motor vehicles you may act differently than when you walk into your home or attend your kid's ballgame.

Why is that? Well, simple... you are playing roles. You are becoming the person you think you should be in that situation. Your mind has developed an idea about how you should behave in the situation. In that case, you are NOT being yourself.

Playing Your Roles

So, you might have just had the thought, "of course I act differently in different situations". You can't act like a teacher when you are a customer in the store. You can't act like you're the owner of the business when you're just an employee. You can't act like a project manager when you're the CEO. You can't act like a child when you're the parent. Of course we act differently in different situations.

Really? Why is that? Think about it. In each of these instances, why can't you just be you? Why do you have to 'act' at all? Where do these expectations come from? (The Good Fairy or the Dark Fairy? - to repeat a phrase we discussed in a previous newsletter.)

Many times you completely forget about your intrinsic nature, your being, because you are so focused on your extrinsic nature. How often do you see yourself as a 'human doing'? You have this image or concept that your mind has created (or accepted) about how you should act in each specific situation in your life.

If you live in America or another free country, you should appreciate the freedom that you have to choose. You no longer live within a "class system". In civilizations where liberty is not a birthright, certain functions are allotted to certain people. You are a 'born' ruler, priest, warrior, farmer, craftsman, laborer, merchant, and so on. In a free country, your function in this world, which would have been a matter of your birth, does not have to be your role.

Your Role Holes

Today social structures are less rigid and less clearly defined. Yet, you still create these roles in your own mind and firmly place yourself into them. What do these roles look like? Your roles can fall into a number of categories:

Functions: As we've discussed, the role you choose can be based on the functions you fulfill. You can be a parent, a child, a sibling, a leader, a follower, etc.
Beliefs & Values: The role you choose can be based on your beliefs... your religion, your political affiliations, the causes you support. You may be a Christian, Hindu, Muslim, etc. Or a Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent. Or an animal rights activist, MADD member, 'green' supporter.
Emotional: Happiness and "Just Fine", are roles that you may play. You hide behind a smiling, positive façade, while truly you feel discouraged, frustrated, or disappointed.
Circumstances: You can find yourself playing the hero or the villain... the lover or the fighter... the victor or the victim.

In all of these instances, you are defining yourself through a role... putting yourself in a hole that limits your 'being'. Your "role hole" is the pit that limits your intrinsic (infinite) nature.

Click here to read more...

Intrinsic Faith vs. Intrinsic Fear

2008-07-07T08:04:00.000-05:00

Thanks to those of you who have sent comments and compliments on my last two newsletters. Those fantasy fairies and contemptuous eye rolls seem to be prevalent amongst you. I hope you're staying on the lookout for them.

This month I'd like to talk to you about the properties and characteristics of success. As Og Mandino writes, "Which two, among a thousand wise men, will define success in the same words; yet failure is always described but one way. Failure is man's inability to reach his goals in life, whatever they may be. In truth, the only difference between those who have failed and those who have succeeded lies in the difference of their habits. Good habits are the key to all success. Bad habits are the unlocked door to failure. Thus, the first law I will obey, which preceedeth all others is - I will form good habits and become their slaves."

Yes, "good habits are the key to all success." So, what good habits have you purposefully and consciously acquired lately?

Intrinsic Fears

In my studies of Dr. Robert Hartman's works in axiology, I came across his "twenty properties of the self test" and I want to share these with you. He labeled these qualities 'intrinsic faith" and "intrinsic fear". The qualities of "Intrinsic Faith" positively enrich our lives while those of "Intrinsic Fear" diminish us.

Let's take a look at his intrinsic fears. While we do this, I have purposefully not put them in a list format but rather added them throughout the text so that your brain won't skim through it. I want to encourage you to think about each property or characteristic. Yes, it would've been much easier to simply copy and paste his list, but please take the time to read through these. Consider these questions as you read through this list...

Are you making excuses for your behaviors that match the intrinsic fears?
Are your thoughts telling you that you don't 'fear' anything?
Do one or more of these words stand out as thoughts/behaviors that you have frequently?

1Defiance and Spitefulness top Hartman's list. Do you ever feel 2Aggressive or Defensive? Has anyone ever told you that you are overly 3Competitive? Do you exhibit 4Restrictiveness or Narrowness? How about 5Cynicism which is a distrust of the integrity or intentions of others? Do you ever feel 6Sanctimoniousness or Holier-than-thou? How about 7Greed or 8Vanity? Are you 9Easily Hurt or Touchy at times? Even though you don't like to admit it, do you ever feel 10Cowardice in the face of danger, difficulty, opposition or pain? At times are you 11Vengeful and vindictive or 12Heavy Handed? Hartman also lists 13Complicated / Lack of Common Sense as an intrinsic fear. Do you ever have a sense of 14Irrelevance / No Sense of Proportion? How about 15Irrationality, 16Systemic-ness or Rigidity? Do you ever feel 17Tense or Frantic? Do you act with 18Inconsistency, Hesitation or Impatience? Do you sometimes feel 19Non-aware, Dull or Cold? Do you ever suffer from 20Indifference or that "Whatever (insert eye roll here) attitude"?

It's a Small, Small World

Here is an abridged version of Hartman's description of Intrinsic Fear... {Click here for the rest of the newsletter.}

The Contemptuous Eye Roll

2008-06-05T07:56:00.000-05:00

So far this year I have been talking about intrinsic valuation. That is, how we can value others intrinsically by holding them in esteem, admiring them for who they are (not simply for what they do), treasuring and cherishing them as a unique, irreplaceable human beings.

What I'd like to draw your attention to in this issue is how we can recognize when we are doing just the opposite... when we are devaluing others. If you can learn to recognize a key component to this transposition of value, you will be one step closer to being able to bring truly positive value to those around you.

In my coaching practice, the key goal is to basically shorten and eventually eliminate the time between when you recognize you messed up and when you actually messed up. If you, at this Pivotal Moment, can choose a different response, YOU will be able to be on your true path to success. If you don't choose to respond differently and ignore a sabotaging thought, you will greatly hinder your success.

Let's learn about a commonly overlooked (devaluing) expression...

World Famous Face Reader

Dr. Ekman's expertise is very unique and can be very helpful when understanding when we are de-valuing others. For instance, Dr. Ekman is able to accurately predict whether a couple will divorce in the next 4 years simply by watching (not even hearing) a couple's conversation. He doesn't even need to see the whole conversation... he only needs to see 3-4 minutes to make his prediction. He is right 94% of the time!!

How does he do it?

Dr. Ekman understands that we have micro-expressions that are exposed on our faces that represent how we REALLY feel. These micro-expressions are brief (lasting just a few milliseconds) and contain emotional signals regarding our internal thoughts.

Dr. Ekman studies show that there are many facial expressions that can predict when a relationship will fail but one of the most telling is the contemptuous eye roll!

Paul Ekman discovered this contemptuous facial expression which involves pulling one lip corner to the side and creating a dimple usually accompanied by an eye roll. Just counting how many times somebody did that facial expression when conversing with their partner was an excellent predictor of whether they would get divorced or not.

Let's look at this expression and see if you can recognize this in your life...

We don't talk about contempt much in our society unless, of course, we're talking about courtrooms and lawyers. So, what is contempt? Contempt is a feeling of being better than another person, of being superior, usually morally superior but it can also be felt toward some who is weaker in intelligence, strength, and so forth. Basically, contempt is devaluing another person and overvaluing your self.

During that moment of contempt, your mind is convincing YOU that by devaluing another, you are some how more valuable. That simply is NOT true! Value is not a zero-sum game.

{Click here to read the rest of the article.}

Fantasy Fairies and other mental traps

2008-05-08T07:50:00.001-05:00

To keep with my intrinsic value theme this year, I thought I’d take a different approach in this month’s newsletter and discuss one of the major obstacles to focusing on the things in our lives that bring infinite (intrinsic) value. What is this key barrier that keeps us from embracing principles, opportunities, and challenges? What continually sabotages us from engaging in life, connecting with people, creating value, and contributing to our world?

I like to call them “Fantasy Fairies”. These fantasy fairies fly around our minds creating images that draw us from reality to make-believe land.

Sometimes they are pleasant, kind, gentle. You may even view them as positive. These fairies may help you to build images of where you are going to be in 5 years… with increased wealth, happiness, joy, balance and lots of recreation. Oh, how wonderful your life will be ‘when’. The good fantasy fairy helps you to build castles in the sky. She can even help you to move in! She keeps telling you that if you keep imagining the wonderful thoughts that she has for you over and over again, you will soon have those amazingly wonderful things in your life.

You may also have fantasy fairies that flutter around your mind that aren’t so pleasant. These I call Dark Fairies. These fairies create images of doom and gloom. They give you feelings of frustration, discouragement, failure. They create visions of how people are out to get you. They ‘help’ you to ‘understand’ the intentions of others (even when you can’t possibly know these intentions). You know what I’m talking about… when someone writes you a short email or says a few short words to you. Your dark fantasy fairy helps you to believe that it is because they are mad at you or that they don’t like you. In reality, they may just be having a bad day and aren’t really thinking about you at all.

"Hope is for sissies."

Both of these fantasy fairies, the bright one and the night one, keep you from being you. When you live in your mind, you are not living in the world. This reminds me of a great line I heard on House the other night (5/5/08). {Click here to read more.}

Effective Delegating

2008-04-02T07:43:00.000-05:00

If you recall, last month we talked about your 'plate' and trying to balance everything that was on it. We talked about how your thoughts can impact your life and get in the way of keeping your plate level and easier to balance. This month we'll talk about delegating.

If you want to live a balanced, fulfilling life, you must free up mental, physical and emotional energy to pursue the things that bring the most value to your life.

Look at your current responsibilities. Which ones are you most passionate and excited about? Which tasks are you best at doing? Which tasks add value to your life and the lives of those around you? Take a few seconds and jot down this list.

Now, for all the things that you do that aren't on your list, you have a couple of options... drop them all together or delegate them to others.

Work should always be done by the lowest competent level. (Now I'm not criticizing anyone's competence, but we have all started at a lower competency level than we are at currently.) So ask yourself this question with every project or every task, "Do I really need to be the one who does this? If not me, then who?" Go to the next lower level and ask the same question. Go down through the ranks until you find the individual to which you have the authority to delegate this task or project.

Road Blocks to Delegation

That all sounds perfectly sensible, doesn't it? So, why don't you do it?

There are many reasons why you don't delegate. Here are a few of the most common:

It would be quicker to do it myself.
I'll feel better doing it myself.
I don't have anyone that I can trust to do it right.
I can do it better myself.

Each one of these reasons is supported by an 'unbalanced' thought process. Which one resembles your most prevalent reason for not delegating? Do you use more than one of these excuses regularly?

Let's look at each of these: {Click here for the rest of the newsletter.}

Balancing Your Plate

2008-03-07T07:36:00.003-06:00

Do you have a lot on your plate? Most of us do. There are times in our lives when we are overwhelmed, exhausted or even discouraged by all that we have to do. In this newsletter, I want us to take a look at your plate... not only what is on top of it, but what it is supporting it.

Your plate is usually full of all the things you have to do and all of the roles you have to play. If you look at it from above it may look like this...

Here, the green ball may represent the tasks and role of your job or business. The blue ball may represent your health and workout regimen. The red ball may represent your community activities. You get the picture, right? You have all these balls balancing on your plate every single day. Sometimes, one of them will roll close to the edge and you'll have to drop what you're doing to pay attention to it and bring it back to the center of the plate. But, while you're doing that, another ball starts to roll off the edge. Does that sound familiar?

We all know that focusing on keeping the balls on our plate is important, but how would it feel if we could bring our plate more into balance? What if it wasn't consistently leaning to one side or the other? What if we were to look at what is holding up your plate and could somehow steady your plate?Wouldn't a level, balanced plate make balancing everything on it much easier?

It's not what's on your plate, but what's under it

The main supports of your plate are your values and value judgments. Your values determine your choices. Your choices determine your actions. Your actions determine your results (which balls are firmly on your plate and which ones are teetering on the edge.) So, what determines your values? Quite simply, your thoughts.

As the science of axiology has uncovered, there are 3 classes of value into which every one of your thoughts fall.

There is SYSTEMIC value... conceptual or theoretical value. Constructs of the mind, expectations and ideas fall into this class of value. The value of perfection, black and white thinking; consistency, order, conformity; authority; anything that is part of a system - all fall under the systemic class of value.

There is the EXTRINSIC value class... practical or situational value. These are material values or concrete things. You can compare these things as in good, better or best. They have functional and material value. Your tasks and roles, what you do - all fall under the extrinsic class of value.

Then, there is INTRINSIC value... personal or spiritual value. These are the infinite, irreplaceable, worth of individuals. The immeasurable value of the unique and one-of-a-kind. Your own being, timeless principles like wisdom and integrity fall into the intrinsic value class.

In order to keep your plate balanced, your thoughts in each of these value classes must be balanced. What does that mean? {Click here to read the rest of the newsletter.}

Developing a Motivated Mindset

2008-02-07T07:31:00.001-06:00

As I discussed in last month's newsletter, my focus this year is to help you increase the intrinsic (infinite, everlasting) value in and around your life. This month's newsletter is designed to help you do just that. Our society worships talent - just look at how much we pay our athletes and star performers. Many people assume that possessing superior skill or intelligence - along with confidence - is the recipe for success. However, Carol Dweck, a Psychology professor at Stanford University, says that more than 30 years of scientific investigation suggests that an overemphasis on intellect or talent leaves people a) vulnerable to failure, b) fearful of challenges and c) unwilling to remedy their deficiencies. Can you believe that? How can over-focus on brain power and talent prevent us from succeeding? That seems a bit counter-intuitive but let's look at this in more detail through the theory of "mindsets". Theory of Mindsets One theory says that there are 2 general classes of learners: fixed mind-set and growth mind-set. People who have a fixed mindset believe that “they are the way they are”. They believe that intelligence, skills, leadership, etc. are fixed traits. That doesn’t mean that they have less of a desire for a positive self-image than anyone else. They do, of course, want to look good, smell good and perform well. Yet, there are some characteristics evident in those with a fixed mindset:

They Avoid Challenges - Rather than risk failing and negatively impacting their self-image, they will often avoid challenges and stick to what they know they can do well.
They Avoid Obstacles - They would rather give up easily than risk not overcoming.
They Ignore Negative Feedback - Well, ignore is the best of cases; feedback is often taken as an insult. They believe that any criticism of their capabilities is criticism of them personally.
They are Threatened by the Success of Others - They will try to convince themselves and the people around them that the success of others was due to either luck or unethical actions.
They Believe Effort is Fruitless - Hard work doesn't pay because 'you are what you are', 'you can only do what you can do'.

Do you know of anyone like that? Do you, at times, feel like that?

Let's now look at a growth mindset. {Click here to read the rest of the article.}

Choose Your Direction

2008-01-10T07:27:00.002-06:00

For most of us, every New Year brings us to thoughts of New Goals. This year, I'd like for you to try a New Approach. "Experts" will tell you to set clear, defined, measurable goals... short-range, mid-range and long-range goals... and don't forget to put a date on them - a deadline. So you'll list out things like Lose 20 pounds by 3/30/08; Volunteer at Soup Kitchen by 2/29/08, Learn to Speak Spanish by 9/30/08, Take Technical Training Class by 7/31/08, Clean Garage by 4/30/08. Then, as the year goes along, IF you remember, you'll look at these goals and "work on" them. Some you might even accomplish. But, as I wrote about last time, my resolution for 2008 is to help you bring Intrinsic (infinite) value to who you are and what you do. So, I'm going to ask you to take a new approach this year... DON'T WRITE DOWN YOUR GOALS!! (yet) What? That may sound silly coming from someone who is a coach. I mean, shouldn't I be helping people to accomplish their goals? Allow me to explain. Yale Goals Study Never Happened Have you heard this story told by motivational speakers, coaches and personal development gurus? In the annals of personal goal-setting, no story outranks the Yale University Class of 1953. The story goes like this: In 1953, researchers surveyed Yale's graduating seniors to determine how many of them had specific, written goals for their future. The answer: 3%. Twenty years later, researchers polled the surviving members of the Class of 1953 -- and found that the 3% with written goals had accumulated more personal financial wealth than the other 97% of the class combined! It's a coach's and motivational speaker's dream anecdote: a vivid Ivy League success story that documents the cause-and-effect relationship between goals and personal success. It's convincing! It's compelling! It's also completely untrue! After an exhaustive search of Yale alumni archives and in-depth investigations into the source of the study (as quoted by Zig Ziglar, Tony Robbins, and others), there is absolutely no evidence that this study EVER took place. You can't always believe what the gurus say, even if they say it over and over and over again. That's why we depend on science. Using Your Brain Let's look at how your brain handles dreams and goals... {To read the rest of this article, click here.}

In Search of Infinite Value

2007-12-05T09:01:00.000-06:00

Recently I released my latest monthly newsletter titled "In Search of Infinite Value".

In business (and in life), we focus on strategy, vision, ideas and planning (especially as we start a new year). Then, we switch and focus on execution, tasks, priorities. We focus on achieving tangible results: increasing sales, retaining talent, increasing stock prices, etc. Often times the important intangibles, like higher morale, motivation and commitment are overlooked.

We as individuals tend to do the same. We compare where we are today to where we were a year ago. We look at our paycheck, our car, our house. We compare these to our family members and friends and co-workers. Then, what do we do? We make grand plans to do more and have more by the end of the upcoming year.

If you'd like to read the entire article, click here and enjoy!

Fear & Fearlessness

2007-11-14T00:17:00.000-06:00

Recently, I released the latest edition of Breaking Free - my monthly newsletter that offers tips on how to be the best you can be. This month we discuss fearlessness. Do you recognize the common fears that may be getting in your way every day? Many times we don't because "we've always been that way." Some of the common fears that often times unknowingly hold us back are:

Fear of Success
Fear of Failure
Fear of Change
Fear of Loss or Death
Fear of Self-Awareness or Introspection
Fear of Being Judged or Embarrassment
Fear of the Being Controlled / Out of Control
Fear of Trusting Others or Commitment

Do any of those resonate with you?

In many cases, we have feared something for so long that we don't even recognize that it is actually fear that is holding us back.

Here are a few symptoms that can be attributed to fear:

Procrastination, Laziness
Absentmindedness
Anxiety, Stress
Social Withdrawal, Distrust
Restlessness - always busy, busy, busy
Overanalyzing or Perfectionism
Inability to stay in the "Now"
Frustration, Guilt, Obligation

Do any of those resonate with you?

If so, read the rest of my newsletter on my website. Go to http://www.breakfreeconsulting.com/newsletters/200711-fearlessness.htm.

Symphonic Leadership

2007-10-15T14:27:00.000-05:00

I recently released my lastest newsletter titled "A New Picture of Leadership".

In this new approach to leadership, the focus is on the followers! It's premise is that there is no pre-determined set of characteristics or traits that assure a person is a good or great leader. In this new model, the traits that the leader needs to be successful depends upon the nature of their team.

I call this new approach to leadership "symphonic leadership". As a conductor, you must understand a variety of components including the musical composition (the goal, structure and process), the individual players, their instruments, and their capabilities (the team, their tools and their talents), and the means of orchestrating all of these elements together to produce the harmonious blend of sounds that will move the souls of the audience (your clients).

Learn what it takes to be a symphonic leader by reading the entire article at http://www.breakfreeconsulting.com/newsletters/200710-new_leadership.htm.

Back To School

2007-09-06T20:10:00.000-05:00

Recently I published my latest newsletter....

Yes, it's that time of year again. Whether you have children or not, I'm sure that you will in some way be affected by the back to school crowds. The roads will be more crowded. You'll have the flashing lights that make you drive slower through the school zones. You may have to run the kids around to different extracurricular activities in the evenings. There is a lot going on at first, but then we should all fall back into the familiar routine.

So, my question today is: The kids are back in school. Are you?

Ray Kroc once asked it this way: Are you green and growing or ripe and rotting?

Go to http://www.breakfreeconsulting.com/newsletters/200709-backtoschool.htm to read more!!

You are NOT what you think

2007-08-05T13:12:00.000-05:00

The August 2007 issue of Breaking Free was just released today...

You are NOT what you think.

Does it sound like an incomplete sentence?
Is your first reaction to be offended? (Who does she think she is telling me that!)
Is your first thought to say "Thank goodness"! I'd hate to be what I think.)
Are you simply asking "Who cares?"

In last month's newsletter, we talked about consensus and said that studies show that 95% of our population cannot separate their ideas from their self worth. We said that many folks think that if you don't like their IDEA, you don't like them.

In this newsletter, we're going to explore that a little further by having you look at

what you think and
how you react when someone challenges what you think.

Lessons I learned from neighborhood kick ball games

2007-07-12T15:13:00.000-05:00

Ok, today I was reflecting on my past a bit and remembering the "good ol' days" (which, of course, at the time weren't always that good).

I started thinking about the days when we'd pay kick ball in the empty lot next to our house...

All the kids in the neighborhood would come over after school and we'd have a terrific game of kick ball. Sure, there were some kids who didn't want to participate in the actual kicking of the ball but only wanted to be the "artificial" pitcher. {Yes, that would be "official" pitcher, meaning they'd roll the ball to home for both teams, but "artificial" and "official" really sounded familiar and could be confusing to pre-teens.}

So here are a few lessons that came to mind...

It really doesn't matter when you were picked for a team, all that mattered was that you choose to get in the line to be picked. I can't tell you the names of everyone who played kick ball in my neighborhood. There were a lot of us. I can sort of remember who got picked first and who got picked last, but that isn't my lasting memory of our games. What really mattered is that we played. We were outside running around, enjoying the competition.
That gets me to another lesson... Yes, believe it or not, back in the "good ol' days" one team actually won the game and the other team lost. We didn't hand out trophies to all participants. The winners got to go home knowing that they won and the losers went home strategizing about how they could do better next time. It was good to learn how to win AND learn how to lose!
It's ok (and even fun) to get hurt, get dirty and get sweaty... even for us girls. There is nothing wrong with exerting physical effort. Hard work can be fun AND fun can be hard work! Sometimes it seems like our culture has made both of these phrases out to be bad words. For some people, their work is their life and everything is so serious. For others, they only show up to their job so that they get a paycheck and can go out and have fun! Why does hard work and fun have to be mutually exclusive? We should all have a lot of both in our lives.
Many times when we had a lot of people playing we would resort to kicking a lot of ground balls so that the fielders wouldn't catch it from the air and get us out quickly. We would make them pick up the ball and try to 'peg' us with it before we got to first base. Some times, you could pick on a bad fielding opponent all game and just score runs one base at-a-time. But, you have to go for the home run every now and again! I learned that to keep doing what you are successful at doing is only part of the key to success. Every now and then you have to test yourself and try to kick the ball as far as you can. It's the only way to see if you can kick a homerun across to the other side of the street and into the neighbor's yard. (It was also challenging to see if the fielders could get it out of the yard before he came out and yelled at us.) ;)

So, there you have it for today:

It really doesn't matter when you were picked for a team, all that mattered was that you choose to get in the line to be picked.
It was good to learn how to win AND learn how to lose!
Hard work can be fun AND fun can be hard work!
You have to go for the home run every now and again!

I don't know if these same lessons are taught in today's video games, iTunes, or cell phones but they should be.

Ohhh, one more very important lesson: When it's time to come home to eat dinner with your family and your mom screams your name out of the back door, you should run home quickly before she has to scream your first AND middle name out to the entire neighborhood.

Better Team Work through Consensus

2007-07-09T09:10:00.000-05:00

Today I released my latest newsletter to help you get more cooperation and productivity from your team by building consensus. (This doesn't mean everyone has to agree, but that everyone gets a 'say' and their ideas are heard.)

To learn more, go to http://www.breakfreeconsulting.com/newsletters/consensus.htm.

Boosting Self Confidence

2007-06-20T07:07:00.000-05:00

Have you ever tried to help someone be more self-confident?
Have you ever tried to lift their spirits when they've not performed well?
Did it work?

Many times we see our friends and coworkers struggling through tough times. Occasionally these tough times are caused by unimaginable external circumstances (like the death of a loved one). Other times, they are caused by external circumstances that seem surmountable but for the person going through it may appear insurmountable.

How can we help?

Axiology, the study of human value judgments, can give us insight into self-confidence and self-esteem. In my blog entry from February 21, 2007, I talked about the 3 classes of value:

Intrinsic: Intrinsic value objects are unique, priceless, and irreplaceable. They can be valued an infinite number of ways.
Extrinsic: Extrinsic value objects exist in the common, public, sensory world of space and time that we share with others. Extrinsic value objects can be compared and contrasted with other extrinsic value objects. They have a finite set of properties and are practical or situational.
Systemic: Systemic values do not exist in public space and time. They are not physical and perceptible things; they exist only as mental concepts constructed by our minds. They can be defined with absolute precision and every instance of them is flawless. For example, a "circle" that deviates slightly from being "a closed curved line with no thickness at all, every point of which is equally distant from its center" is not really a circle. These values do not have as many properties as extrinsic values and are completely conceptual and theoretical.

When our friends struggle with their self-confidence, we usually try to boost theirs in the way we like ours to be boosted. If their self-confidence is challenged in a way that your self-confidence is usually challenged, then your words of encouragement might work. If not, then your words will fall on "deaf ears."

Here's why... In the 6 Advisors metaphor that we use to talk about axiology, your Self-Esteem "advisor" is usually the area of our internal dialogue (what we say to ourselves) that is challenged when we talk about self-confidence. However, while the Self-Esteem advisor is intrinsic in nature, it has intrinsic, extrinsic and systemic subdimensions. Let me explain...

If you take the free 6 Advisors Introductory Assessment and go to the tab for Self-Esteem in your results, you will see a graph (even if it doesn't have any explanation along with it.) The graph will look something like this...

As you can see the main challenges with this client's thought processes regarding self-esteem are in the top and bottom bars of the graph. These are the intrinsic measurements or subdimensions within their Intrinsic internal dialogue. The thoughts that this person has about himself focus on his shortcomings as a person - an irreplaceable, unique, invaluable human being.

If you try to encourage this person by focusing on his intrinsic nature, your words may be overridden by his internal dialogue - these thought processes that tell him the opposite of what you're saying. He may not trust what you're saying to him. (Even if it is the 'truth'.)

However, if you focus on his extrinsic nature (represented by the 2nd and 5th bars on the graph), he may have a better chance of hearing and believing you. These bars show that his self-esteem advisor has a balanced capacity when it comes to seeing himself as a 'doer'.

When we look at this next example, we see that this person's self-esteem is challenged along the 3rd and 4th bars of the graph. These bars represent the systemic nature of how she sees herself.

This person's internal dialogue or thoughts about her ideas are challenged. If you say to her, "Wow, your idea is terrific!" Her response to you might be, "Oh, anyone could have thought of that." In effect, her self-esteem advisor may loudly (in her mind) disagree with what you said.

A person can have any combination of these within their thoughts about themselves. Understanding the different levels of value (intrinsic, extrinsic and systemic) can help you better connect with the folks you are trying to help.

The first step is finding out a little bit more about how YOU think! Click the link below to get started. If you review your results and are interested in more information, don't hesitate to give me a call. You can find my contact information on my website.

Getting it done with Power Sessions

2007-06-05T14:48:00.000-05:00

Today I released my latest newsletter...

If you have ever run out of hours in the day before you have completed your list of tasks, this issue of Breaking Free is for you. Learn and practice Power Sessions to be more effective and accomplish more in your day!

Go to the June issue of Breaking Free: Get It Done with Power Sessions.

Plug into Power Sessions TODAY!

Let Your Ideas Go

2007-05-31T08:30:00.000-05:00

Recently, I have been aware of how often I defend my ideas. It's weird because it happens at times when I wasn't even sure I had an idea that I needed to defend. See if you can relate to this...

I'm driving through my subdivision when up ahead a lady pulls out into my lane. Now, I had plenty of time to slow down and it wasn't even close to being an accident. But, she pulled out into MY lane!! Being the mature adult that I am, what do you think I did? Of course, I gave her a little toot. How dare she see ME coming down the road and still decide to pull out in front of me! Didn't she know that I was in a hurry and going some place VERY important? She probably cost me about 0.5 seconds by having me take my foot off of the gas pedal (slightly).

It's so weird that my brain thought that it was 'wrong' for her to pull out onto the road. I mean, she probably pays her taxes and paid just as much for the road as I did. So, why do our brains think that such things shouldn't happen? Why do we allow our brain to hold on to expectations that are not realistic? I guess the real question is: Why don't I take control and put a stop to it?

Studies suggest that 95% of the population cannot separate their ideas from their self-worth. Can you see how my self-worth was threatened by my thoughts above? Somehow this lady, who doesn't even know me, offended me and she doesn't even know it.

Take a look at some of the recent events in your life that have caused you angst. Were they caused by your own ideas about what 'should' happen or how it 'should' be or what you thought was 'right' or 'wrong' with an idea?

It's obvious that my brain thinks I should be able to drive to my destination without interference from any other drivers or obstructions. Wow. When I look at it realistically, what are the chances of that ever happening?

What if...

What if you could release your ideas and not have to defend them?
What if you just let them go so that other ideas could mix in with them? (Isn't that usually how we come up with the 'best' idea?)

Let your ideas go. They are not you. You are you!

When you let your ideas go, you are free and your ideas are free. If you continue to hold on to them, they are captive to you and you are captive to them.

Think about it... do you find yourself always needing to be right? Do you use words like 'always', 'I guarantee', 'Obviously'? If so, you may be captive to your ideas and your ideas may be captive to you.

Let your ideas go! You will see tremendous things happen when you do. Your ideas will grow and more importantly so will you!

If you need help with this, please let me know. The 6 Advisors coaching program is terrific at getting you to understand your thoughts and be in control of them. I'd love to talk to you about it.

Give the free assessment on the right a try! If you find that your Systems Thinking advisor or your Self-Direction advisor is the most challenged, you may be holding on to your ideas too tightly. I can help!

6 Advisors Conference

2007-05-10T16:59:00.000-05:00

WOW!

It's been 2 weeks since I returned from our 6 Advisors Coaching Conference and what a wonderful 2 weeks it has been. I guess that's what happens when you find yourself even more excited than you were before.

For those of you who personally know me, you know I am truly passionate about helping others reach their success. I deeply believe what Zig Ziglar once wrote, "You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want.”

This year's 6 Advisors conference helped me to refresh my learning about the 6 Advisors Assessment as well as demonstrated some of the exciting new products and services that we will have available.

One of the most exciting is the updated "Managing Your 6 Advisors" practicum. Version 3.0 is better than ever. If you haven't experienced this coaching practicum in the past, now is the time to give it a try. I know I'm going through version 3.0 even though I've been through version 2.0 three times. I learn something new and valuable every time.

Since the conference was over 2 weeks ago, I have done more assessments and signed up more coaching clients than I did in the previous month. I certainly hope the month continues like this because I am seeing more and more people advance in their careers, their businesses and their lives. It is so rewarding to me.

Here's one of the latest testimonials from a client who recently completed the 14 session practicum:

"This was one of the greatest things I have ever done. This taught me to take time to make time. I loved my coach - what a great listener and insightful person! This whole process has been great and very eye opening. I never thought that putting a few comments in order could tell me so much about why I think what I think, and then learning how to harness ALL of my Advisors for my benefit. Thanks again!"

If you are interested in results like this, please give me a call or visit my website for more information.

Here are the products and services that I offer from 6 Advisors:

Assessment and consultation: This is the reason I found 6 Advisors. This assessment is one that you just can't fool. It is terrific! It told me about thoughts that I knew I had but was consciously not reacting or responding to. I ranked 18 items and it was able to know how I thought - that was incredibly valuable to me and has been to so many of my clients.
Coaching: This is the 14 session practicum that changed my life. I am constantly learning and realizing new things about me and how I relate to my clients, family and friends.
Candidate Assessments: Wouldn't it be great to understand which candidate will be best for your open positions? Once you know HOW they think, you can ask better questions during the 2nd interview and better assess their fit into your organization.
360 Evaluations (NEW): You know, how I said that I had thoughts in my head that I was consciously not acting upon. Well, that is what I thought. This process would help me to know if it was really true. It uses the 6 Advisors assessment to help you understand how your thoughts are affecting your performance by having your co-workers, supervisors, friends, peers, and subordinates provide their perception of you.
Workshops and Boot Camps: These sessions allow for you and your team to experience the 6 Advisors practicum which is laser-focused on your needs and objectives. The focus is based about the assessment results of the workshop participants.
Business Barometer Reports: This report measures the "pressure points" in your organization and helps us to design workshops and coaching programs around your strengths and weaknesses which will allow you to reach your goals and achieve the vision that you have for your organization.

In future entries, I'll talk a little more about axiology, neuroscience, mindsets and how these impact your work and your life. Thanks for reading my shameless plug. :)

You really can have better balance in your life and it all starts with your mind. When you master your mind, you will master your future.

Until next time...

Love Loving

2007-05-01T10:49:00.000-05:00

So far, I've talked about "Start Starting" and "Stop Stopping". Today, I want to cut to the chase and talk about how to continue on the process.

Love Loving

What's the one thing that gets in the way for most of us. Other people? Your friends, family, boss? How about circumstances? Of all the reasons you may come up with, I believe the one that most people will agree with is FEAR.

I've done a lot of thinking about fear and what it has done in my life. I've feared success, failure, embarrassment, humiliation. Sometimes, I don't even try because of what might happen. Now, the statistical chances associated with "might" are sometimes about 0.01%, but it still might happen. What's funny is that there are 2 definitions of might:

auxiliary verb: used to express possibility, probability, opportunity or contingency.
noun: physical strength, capacity, power to attain and accomplish

I think as I look at my internal conversations (you know, those thoughts that bounce around my head), I use might as an auxiliary verb in most of them. What would happen if I started focusing on the noun... the power. Could my might overcome my fear?

Many people think courage is the opposite of fear. I believe that it is LOVE. Where there is LOVE, their is faith and where there is love and faith, there can be no fear.

What would happen if we loved loving?
What if every time we thought of what might happen, we changed our thoughts and focused on what our might could make happen?

It all comes down to our choices. These determine our actions.

What would happen if we decided to choose LOVE over FEAR? What could you accomplish today if you decided to love 'cold calling' (or some other task you've been dreading)?
Or, better, yet... what if you simply loved the people on the other end of the line (regardless of their response to you)?

Our values determine our choices. We always choose what we value the most at the current moment. What are your choices saying about your values? Is loving at the top of your list?

Learn to value and love loving. You will see your life turn-around and move toward your goals in a powerful way.

Start Starting
Stop Stopping
Love Loving

If you'd like to know how to do this - how to change your thoughts so that YOU can value what is most valuable to you and overcome the habits that you've created - give me a call or drop me an email. I have a wonderful tool that can identify your hierarchy of values as well as a coaching program that can get your habits in line with your values. If you'd like to try a taste test of the tool, go to my website or click the link to the right. Do it today!

Stop Stopping

2007-04-16T16:00:00.000-05:00

Have you ever made the same decision more than once?

Are you confused by the question? Let me explain what I mean by that.

For example, you decide that you are going to do something this weekend... let's say that it's go to a seminar. You wake up Saturday - the day of the seminar - and you make another decision (instead of just sticking with the first decision) and decide NOT to go to the seminar. Then, you shower and get dressed and then re-decide that maybe you should go to the seminar. So, you grab a quick breakfast, brush your teeth and notice that the weather is nice, so maybe you won't go to the seminar.

Does this process sound familiar to you? In this example we have made a decision about something 4 times! We did not receive any new data pertaining to the original decision. We just kept making, unmaking and remaking our decision. How can you avoid this quandary, the stress, the wasted time of re-deciding our decisions? Well, stop stopping!

Every time you move onto something, you stop and reassess your feelings. "I don't feel like ________ ." When you made the decision to ________ , you had data at the time that told you that it was a good decision to make. Then, you allowed your moods and feelings to interfere with that decision.

In scroll 6 of Og Mandino's book, The Greatest Salesman in the World, he says:

It is one of nature's tricks, little understood, that each day I awaken with moods that have changed from yesterday. Yesterday's joy will become today's sadness; yet today's sadness will grow into tomorrow's joy. Inside me is a wheel, constantly turning from sadness to joy, from exultation to depression from happiness to melancholy. Like the flowers, today's full bloom of joy will fade and wither into despondency, yet I will remember that as today's dead flower carries the seed of tomorrow's bloom so, too, does today's sadness carry the seed of tomorrow's joy.

If you allow your moods to make your decisions, you will not be focused on the dreams and goals that you set for yourself. Instead, you will focus on the wheel of constantly changing moods and emotions.

When you decide to use your thoughts to control your emotions, you will STOP STOPPING. You will decide to make the decision once and you will immediately notice that it relieves some of the stress in your life.

If we go back to our example, what changed between getting out of bed and getting out of the shower. Only our mood - there was no new data that we acquired while in the shower that would make us change our mind. We must master our thoughts so that we can stop stopping at every change in our mood. As Og puts it...

Today I will be master of my emotions.
And how will I master my emotions so that every day is a happy day, and a productive one? I will learn this secret of the ages: Weak is he who permits his thoughts to control his actions; strong is he who forces his actions to control his thoughts.

Once you make the decision and it's a decision that you made based on information and data that was sound, trustworthy, complete and accurate - stick with that decision. So many times we let our mood keep us from the very thing that we needed to do that day to get closer to success. STOP STOPPING!

Today I will be the master of my emotions. Henceforth I will recognize and identify the mystery of moods in all mankind, and in me. From this moment I am prepared to control whatever personality awakes in me each day. I will master my moods through positive action and when I master my moods I will control my destiny.

What is it that you consistently talk yourself out of based on your mood?
What is it that you are missing because you STOP after you've already made the decision to GO?
Can you imagine what your life would be like if you didn't keep making, unmaking and remaking your decisions?

For the upcoming week, give this a try:

Gather the data needed to make your decisions.
Make your decisions on the actions that you will take.
Stick to that decision unless you receive compelling NEW DATA about your decision.
Avoid factoring your moods and emotions into your decisions.

I believe that you will immediately notice a lower level of stress in your life. You will feel like you are empowered because YOU are in control and not your emotions. You will notice that you get so much more accomplished in relation to the goals that you have set for yourself.

Stopping to reassess a situation based on your mood or emotions is a dangerous habit. Break it by replacing it with a new habit. Start Starting and Keep On Keeping On.

Go on, give it a try! I know I'm going to.

Start Starting

2007-04-12T18:00:00.000-05:00

Ok, you're probably not going to believe this, but, yes, even I suffer from procrastination. That's a real NEWS FLASH, isn't it?

Og Mandino starts out Scroll IX (9) of his book "The Greatest Salesman in the World" by stating:

My dreams are worthless, my plans are dust, my goals are impossible. All are of no value unless they are followed by action.

We all know that nothing gets done unless someone actually does something. Thinking about it doesn't make it so. Talking about it doesn't make it so. Planning out every single detail doesn't make it so. Or as Og puts it:

Never has there been a map however carefully executed to detail and scale which carried its owner over even one inch of ground. Never has there been a parchment of law however fair which prevented one crime.

So why is it that we know what we 'should' do, but don't do it. I think there are many, many reasons (ok, excuses) that we use from time to time. Which ones are your favorites?

I need to think it over some more.
It just doesn't feel like the right time.
I'm planning right now and will get to that later.
I still have to learn more before I'm able to get going on that.
I'm tired.
It's probably not worth it any way.

I'm sure you can think of many more. What does it all boil down to? Instead of trying to think of the words on my own, I'll let Og tell you (again from Scroll 9)...

My procrastination which has held me back was born of fear and now I recognize this secret mined from the depths of all courageous hearts. Now I know that to conquer fear I must always act without hesitation and the flutters in my heart will vanish. Now I know that action reduces the lion of terror to an ant of equanimity.

Procrastination is just the manifestation of your fears. The good news is that your fears are just a manifestation of your thoughts. You have control over the thoughts that you choose to think and dwell upon. If you, the CEO and Chairman of the Board of your mind, choose to think the thoughts that hold you back, you are choosing to procrastinate and live in the fear that is in your mind.

You have another choice! You can choose to think the opposite of the thought that is causing your fear. That's one good thing that I learned from Sesame Street... opposites. Ernie and Bert would teach me "hot / cold", and "big / small". Now I have added to that "fear" / "love".

I watched a show on TV about the Mohawk Indian Ironworkers - those awe-inspiring people who build skyscrapers. It was amazing!! The TV program showed how they would climb up the beams of bridges to the top of the structure and then jump between the supports just for fun.

Check out these pictures:

Do you want to know how these guys can do this and overcome their fear of heights? Here's what Kyle Karonhiaktatie Beauvais(Mohawk, Kahnawake) said:

A lot of people think Mohawks aren’t afraid of heights; that’s not true. We have as much fear as the next guy. The difference is that we deal with it better. We also have the experience of the old timers to follow and the responsibility to lead the younger guys. There’s pride in walking iron.

Dare I say, they love what they do! There is tremendous pride and honor in what they do. That love helps them overcome their fears. As Kyle said, they aren't without fear, they just handle it better. Those thoughts of fear exist, but they don't dwell on them. They focus on the love they have for what they do and what they build, not what could happen if they fail. Here's what I am going to try going forward. Maybe you could try these too...

Conquer my thoughts of fear and focus on what I love about taking the action.
Take the action because... Action cures fear!
I will remember this quote from Og's scroll:

Only action determines my value in the market place and to multiply my value I will multiply my actions. I will walk where the failure fears to walk. I will work when the failure seeks rest. I will talk when the failure remains silent. I will call on ten who can buy my goods while the failure makes grand plans to call on one. I will say it is done before the failure says it is too late. I will act now. For now is all I have.

To find out more about the thoughts and fears that may be holding you back, click on the Free Assessment link below.

If you'd like a copy of Og's book, The Greatest Salesman in the World, click this link:

Stress and "Happily Ever After"

2007-03-29T11:40:00.000-05:00

We hear so much these days about how stress is destroying people's lives... their physical health, their mental health, their relationships, their careers. People 'burn-out' all the time (whether they'd like to admit it or not.) Many times they just want to quit... get out of the rat race... go to a far, far away island where they can live happily ever after.

Where is this land of "Happily Ever After"?

The sad truth is that it exists only in our imagination.

So, where does all this stress in your life come from? I have a suggestion... it comes from one central location... your imagination.

Ok, ok, I can hear you screaming at me already...

IS IT MY IMAGINATION THAT MY BOSS IS A JACK*$$ or EXPECTS SO MUCH FROM ME?
IS IT MY IMAGINATION THAT MY TEAM WON'T FOLLOW MY LEAD or HAS PEOPLE ON IT THAT DON'T DO WHAT THEY SAY THEY'RE GOING TO DO?
IS IT MY IMAGINATION THAT MY BUSINESS IS NOT GROWING or I CAN'T FIND THE RIGHT PEOPLE FOR THE JOB?
IS IT MY IMAGINATION THAT I'M OVERWEIGHT/UNDERWEIGHT?
IS IT MY IMAGINATION THAT MY SPOUSE IS A LOSER?
IS IT MY IMAGINATION ( fill in the blank )?

No, no. That's not what I'm saying. Please let me continue before you get all riled up.

In this world, we are placed under a lot of expectations. Here are just a few:

We're expected to work longer, harder, smarter, faster.
We're expected to be passionate, caring, thoughtful, gracious with are friends, co-workers and partners.
We're expected to 'give back' to our communities, to deserving charities and other good causes.
We're expected to be successful, to make a lot of money, to have a lot of friends, to be up-to-date on all the latest news.
We're expected to be healthy, "normal" weight, in good physical condition.

Where do these expectations come from and why do we live under them?

I propose that you get out from under the expectations of the world!!

I'm not saying to discard your goals and dreams. Quite the contrary, I believe that you should focus on YOUR goals and dreams, on what YOU aspire to become and not put so much emphasis on what "THEY" say.

Here are some thoughts...

What if you were able to realize that your stress was coming from your own mind and its acceptance of the measures of other people?
What if you could decide on your own measurement for YOUR success?

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make your feel inferior without your permission."

In fact, no one can make you feel any emotion without your permission. No one can make you feel stress without your permission!!

How can that be? Well, it seems that most stress comes from cognitive dissonance. Ok, that's just a fancy expression for the difference between where you currently are and where you think you should be. Here's the best part... YOU control where YOU think YOU should be. You may decide, consciously or unconsciously, to relinquish that control to your boss, your partner, your kids, your parents, or even the collective "they" (whom I still have yet to meet). But the decision and the control is yours and yours alone.

So, if you decide to cling to the expectation that your life should be lived in the "Happily Ever After", you should realize that you will probably miss out on the "Pretty Terrific Now". You see, when you learn to focus on today and learn to use your gifts, your talents, your uniqueness to make YOUR dreams and goals come true, you will find that you already have what it takes to get to where you want to be.

It's amazing how your stress can be reduced when you focus on the "Now" instead of the "could've", "should've", "would've" and the "ought to", "must", "have to" that the world of "Happily Ever After" places you.

Spend some time thinking about YOU and your "Pretty Terrific Now". You can be the master of your thoughts, the master of your imagination and choose to use it for YOUR good instead of 'evil'. :)

Crabs in a Basket

2007-03-27T14:33:00.000-05:00

Have you ever noticed that the critics don't criticize the people 'beneath' them?
Have you ever noticed anyone trying to knock someone UP onto a pedestal?
Do you ever hear anyone saying 'it's crowded at the top'?

I must confess that there were times in my life that I did everything to avoid criticism. I guess you could call me a people-pleaser. I mean, who really wants someone to be upset with them, right?

But our society is all about levels and some people believe that if someone is above them they should try to knock them down. There is another alternative... they could strive to rise up and join them.

I once heard a story that is said to be an old African adage. It goes something like this...

Do you know how to keep a crab in a basket without putting the lid on?
It's simple... put 2 or more crabs in the basket. Once one starts to climb above the other, the lower crab will reach up and pull the rising crab back down.

Now, you don't see crabs displaying this behavior when they are on the beach on the open sand. They only exhibit this behavior when they see one rising above the other. I read an article at AuthorsDen.com in which some people said that it isn't the CRAB'S fault - it's the BASKET'S fault. If the basket had been a flat, unimposing structure, the crabs would never try to defeat each other. One even went on to say, “Keep looking to the top of the basket in order to get out or better yet, we shouldn’t even get into the same basket in the first place.”

Ok, that's an interesting approach. As an athlete, I loved to get into a basket where the players were better than me. I believed that they could help me get better. It appears, however, that some folks see the challenge of multiple crabs in a basket as an unnecessary evil. I mean, wouldn't it be nice if we could all isolate ourselves in our own little baskets. (I think not.) I guess it's a lot easier not to try than to try and fail... that it's a lot easier to stay out of the crowded basket than to realize that someone may have worked longer, harder and smarter to get to the top before you.

So, I have a few questions for you...

Do you ever find yourself being a crab at the bottom of the basket?
Do you ever root for someone's failure whom you may think is 'above' you in the basket?
Does your mind tell you that if someone is at the top, they must've cheated to get there?
Do your thoughts tell you that those at the top of the basket are probably miserable and alone?
Do you ever blame circumstances for your location in the basket?
Do you find that you avoid attempts to climb out of the basket to avoid the criticism of others?

All of those thoughts are very dangerous and will keep you from RISING above.

Let me ask you a question: what's the best way to cross a minefield?

The answer: follow in the footsteps of someone who has already done it. I say that NOT to discourage you from finding your own way. Instead, I say that to encourage you to embrace those who have gone before you, those who have risen to where you want to be. As you follow in their footsteps you will soon develop your own confidence... the confidence you need to then chart your own course and rise above the criticism of the crabs below.

Don't let your thoughts fall to the bottom of the basket. Rise up and choose to think thoughts that support your success. We have enough negativity in this world and it seems very easy for our minds to go there.

Today, choose to look at those crabs in the basket above you and encourage them to show you the path to the top. Instead of being threatened by their success, you will become a part of it.

Procrastination

2007-03-19T15:57:00.000-05:00

Today, I have been procrastinating. Yes, I admit it. Have you ever done that? Probably not, but just in case, let's talk about it. ;-)

How often do you know you should do something but just don't?
Do you have things that you should be doing but instead you fill your time with meaningless or mindless tasks? (Like today, I deleted some files and defragmented my hard drive instead of making phone calls and setting up appointments.)

In my coaching business, I find that quite a few (ok, all of my clients) have suffered from this deadly disease at one time or another. Why did I say "deadly"? Well, procrastination kills... it kills time. More importantly, it kills YOUR time. That's something that you can never get back.

As Og Mandino says in Scroll V of his extraordinary book "The Greatest Salesman in the World":

I will live this day as if it is my last. I have but one life and life is naught but a measurement of time. When I waste one I destroy the other. If I waste today I destroy the last page of my life. Therefore, each hour of this day will I cherish for it can never return. It cannot be banked today to be withdrawn on the morrow for who can trap the wind?

So, how do we overcome this disease of procrastination? Well, I told you Og's book is extraordinary. Let's take a look at Scrolls IX and V (respectively):

I will act now. My procrastination which has held me back was born of fear and now I recognize this secret mined from the depths of all courageous hearts. Now I know that to conquer fear I must always act without hesitation and the flutters in my heart will vanish. Now I know that action reduces the lion of terror to an ant of equanimity.

I will avoid with fury the killers of time. Procrastination I will destroy with action; doubt I will bury under faith; fear I will dismember with confidence. Where there are idle mouths I will listen not; where there are idle hands I will linger not; where there are idle bodies I will visit not. Henceforth I know that to court idleness is to steal food clothing, and warmth from those I love. I am not a thief. I am a man of love and today is my last chance to prove my love and my greatness. I will live this day as if it is my last.

So, as I write this today. I'm not just writing for you. I'm writing to remind myself that the time I spent procrastinating today was time that I chose to live in fear. All I had to do was chose a different focus in my mind. I could've chosen to focus on action - action cures fear!

I'm betting that tomorrow will be a better day for me. Again I will borrow Og's words:

I will act now. Success will not wait. If I delay she will become betrothed to another and lost to me forever. This is the time. This is the place.

I will live this day as if it is my last. And if it is my last it will be my greatest monument. This day I will make the best day of my life. This day I will drink every minute to its full. I will savor its taste and give thanks. I will maketh every hour count and each minute I will trade only for something of value. I will labor harder than ever before and push my muscles until they cry for relief, and then I will continue. I will make more calls than ever before. I will sell more goods than ever before. I will earn more gold than ever before. Each minute of today will be more fruitful than hours of yesterday. My last must be my best.
I will live this day as if it is my last. And if it is not, I shall fall to my knees and give thanks.

I hope that you make the most of today and are blessed with an even better tomorrow.

If you'd like a copy of Og's book, click this link:

Team-work OR Team-play?

2007-03-15T14:07:00.000-05:00

Which buzz words are the most over-hyped in business?

Is it leadership? Empowerment? Synergy? Strategic? How about teamwork?

Today I'm going to pick on teamwork. When I looked up the word "team" in the dictionary, here is some of what I found...

A group on the same side, as in a game.
A group organized to work together: a team of engineers.
A brood or flock.
Two or more draft animals used to pull a vehicle or farm implement. - A vehicle along with the animal or animals harnessed to it. - A group of animals exhibited or performing together, as horses at an equestrian show.
Synonyms: combine, unite, ally, merge.

The word team traces back to thousands of years and literally means "that which draws or pulls".

So, then I looked up "work" and here's what I found...

exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor; toil.
to act or operate effectively: The pump will not work. The plan works.
Synonyms: drudgery, labor, toil

It appears to me as if the word "work" isn't needed after "team". A "team" by definition is a group of individuals working together to achieve something.

Mayabe that's why people don't say "It's the power of the teamwork", right? They simply say it's about "the power of the team".

So, who added the "work" onto the end of the word? I think it was someone trying to make up their own buzzword so that they could make money. ;)

When I think of the successful teams that I've been on, it never really seemed like work to me. I was just playing my part. Even when there was a lot of pressure, if I was a) playing on the right team and b) playing the right part, the stress wasn't as great as just one of those things being out of whack.

Work has a negative connotation in our society these days. You've probably heard the saying "If it was supposed to be fun, they wouldn't call it work." So why has someone added the word "work" onto the word "team".

I propose that starting today, you delete the buzzword "teamwork" from your vocabulary. Whether you are a business owner, executive, project manager, director... regardless of your leadership role, look at yourself as a "coach". It is you privilege to get your team to play together to achieve their goal.

I also propose that you look at these two questions:

As a leader, what kind of players do you have on your team?

Are they in the right role?
Are they even on the right team?

What kind of environment are you setting for your team?

Is it one of "teamwork"?
Is it one of "teamplay"?

Play: v act or have an effect in a specified way or with a specific effect or outcome; to perform, participate or act; cause to move or operate freely within a bounded space.

The word "play" comes from plega which means "recreation, exercise, any brisk activity". Doesn't that sound much better than "labor, toil, and drudgery"?

I encourage you to take a look at your roles. Are they more like drudgery and labor? Or, are they more like recreation and exercise?

Focus on TEAM PLAY, instead of teamwork. It's easy to do and you are in complete control of doing it - you don't even need your team to accomplish this. Focusing is about YOU and your thoughts. Choose your thoughts and practice replacing teamwork with team play.

You should notice that your stress is eased a bit just by the thought of team play. When you truly believe that your success is dependent more on team play than team work, you will start to create a less stressful environment for your team. When your team feels less stress, they will play better.

"Work" can be fun if you take time to focus on the "play" aspect of performing your tasks. As a leader, you "set the stage" for your team play.

Choose Your Focus carefully

2007-03-08T16:00:00.000-06:00

We have all heard that we should focus on the positive... have a positive mental attitude... keep our eyes on the prize. So, what does all that stuff really mean?

Today I want to talk about moving forward. Many times in life we get stuck in a certain spot. I propose that it's because we are not focused on thoughts that will keep us moving forward.

How often do you spend time focusing on past failures?
How often do you focus on the problems?
Do you think about the drama of your daily situations?
Do you ever get stuck in the details?

Let's take a look at the 5 "floors" or levels of our focus:

1st floor: Drama

This is the floor that we usually walk in on (if we don't consciously choose to go to the stairs or the elevator). Drama is the place where we talk about the peripheral stories and occurrences in life. We'll hear stories about blunders, mishaps, and other 'tragedies'. These discussions usually contain a great deal of negative emotion including disgust, despair and possibly even grieving about missed opportunities or failed attempts.

2nd floor: Dilemmas

As we take the stairs to the next level, we find dilemmas. Here the focus is on the issues, challenges and problems that impede progress. Emotions associated with this area are usually disempowering, frustration and disappointment. We are focused more on what is wrong with the situation than with what is right.

3rd floor: Details

As we ascend to the Details 'floor', we notice that the focus is now on doing the activities that must take place on our journey. Most people are very comfortable here because its a practical place. You get to focus on your specific tasks. There is usually low emotion at this level because we're usually doing something that is familiar to us.

4th floor: Design

Up one more level is the Design floor. This is where the planning takes place. This is where we craft the path to get to our dreams, aspirations, and goals. This is the 'thinking' before the 'doing' of the details. There may be some heated discussions at this stage, but it is good to get all the ideas out on the table so that the best path forward is selected. Emotions attached to this phase can be excitement and anticipation.

5th floor: Dream

Finally we get to the top floor where the focus is on the Dream... the "big" picture, the collective vision. From this vantage point we can see possibility and purpose. Our focus is on our aspirations and our goals usually accompanied with the positive emotions of motivation and inspiration.

As leaders, let's ask ourselves a couple of questions?

On which floor does most of my thinking take place?
On which floor does most of my conversations occur?

Statistics have shown that over 85% of the conversations take place on the 1st through 3rd floors. These are conversations that deal with the minutia, the challenges, and the anecdotal parts of life. While these conversations are interesting, they are not all that useful to moving forward.

I mean, many people can't resist the gossip of the entertainment world. (Is Brittany Spears still in rehab? Has her hair grown back yet?) While that is interesting, it really isn't all that useful to your life.

Take a look at the last conversation you had with your spouse, your co-worker, your child, your friend, your boss. On which 'floor' were you focusing?

Were you taking the high road and focusing on your shared dreams or designs?
Were you focused on the lower roads of the details, the dilemmas and the drama?

Most of the focus on the lower floors is actually focus on things that you DON'T want. Focusing on what you don't want actually reinforces those thought processes and takes you closer to what you don't want.

Look at it this way... have you ever noticed that when you decide to buy a new car that you see that make and model of car everywhere on the road? Is it just because everyone else had your idea as well? No. It's because your mind has a filter. It can't possibly process every single thing that you see every single day. It would quickly be overloaded. When you decide to get a new car, your brain removes the filter for that car and you are then able to notice it everywhere you look. Your brain works that same way with all of the other things you focus on.

What you choose to focus on, you will see!

DREAMS DESIGN Details Dilemmas Drama

(I'm trying to practice what I preach and not say "Don't focus on the DILEMMAS and DRAMA." Because that would be focusing you on what I don't want you to focus on, which actually makes you focus on it.) ;)

Let me conclude by offering you this advice...

If you're a leader - project manager, parent, pastor, executive, business owner, trainer, educator, etc.:

Be conscious of your focus!!
Look closely at your focus when talking with your team.
Choose to keep most of your conversations at the DREAMS and DESIGN levels. Your team will naturally take care of the DETAILS.

All the best!!

So you think you've failed? (Part 2)

2007-03-06T11:00:00.000-06:00

Ok, last time we borrowed a story from the Bible to talk a little about the fear of failure by giving you an example of a real mess-up by Abraham. Today, we're going to look at another story from the Bible about David.

This time we will go to 2 Samuel. Here is our main character David:

One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, "Isn't this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?" Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (She had purified herself from her uncleanness.) Then she went back home. The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, "I am pregnant." (2 Samuel 11:2-5)

Oh dear, we have a little problem here. So much for that "Thou shalt not commit adultery" command, huh? It turns out that David slept with Uriah's wife and got her pregnant. That could be considered a failure on a couple of points, right? But, that's not all! As we read on, we find out that Uriah is a soldier in David's army and is off fighting in a war. So, there is no possibility that Bathsheba's baby could be Uriah's child.

Then, David has an idea... if he could bring Uriah back to town for a night and send him home to his wife, Uriah would surely have relations with Bathsheba and then David would be off the hook. Brilliant! One teeny, tiny problem... Uriah did come to town but he didn't spend the night with his wife.

When David was told, "Uriah did not go home," he asked him, "Haven't you just come from a distance? Why didn't you go home?" Uriah said to David, "The ark and Israel and Judah are staying in tents, and my master Joab and my lord's men are camped in the open fields. How could I go to my house to eat and drink and lie with my wife? As surely as you live, I will not do such a thing!" Then David said to him, "Stay here one more day, and tomorrow I will send you back." So Uriah remained in Jerusalem that day and the next. At David's invitation, he ate and drank with him, and David made him drunk. But in the evening Uriah went out to sleep on his mat among his master's servants; he did not go home. (2 Samuel 11:10-13)

Ok, just what David needed an honorable soldier in his army. So Uriah didn't do what David had hoped that he'd do. Uriah, being the dedicated soldier that he was, was not going to enjoy the pleasures of home while his comrades were out in the field. So, David had to come up with yet another brilliant idea. He decided to get Uriah all liquored-up so that in his drunkenness he would stumble home and possibly then, Uriah wouldn't know if he had slept with his wife or not. But, David was foiled again! Now what was he going to do? Bathsheba was still pregnant and it couldn't be her husband's child. David had one more plan up his sleeve... (desperate times call for desperate measures, right?)

In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it with Uriah. In it he wrote, "Put Uriah in the front line where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die." So while Joab had the city under siege, he put Uriah at a place where he knew the strongest defenders were. When the men of the city came out and fought against Joab, some of the men in David's army fell; moreover, Uriah the Hittite died. (2 Samuel 11:14-17)

Did you catch that? David had Uriah carry a note back to his commander that told the commander to make sure the Uriah died in the next battle. Now there's a picture of audacity for you.

So, it happened as David so ordered and then...

When Uriah's wife heard that her husband was dead, she mourned for him. After the time of mourning was over, David had her brought to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing David had done displeased the LORD. (2 Samuel 11:26-27)

It seems as though David got what he wanted even if he made God mad, right? Well, as the story progresses, we find out that Bathsheba and David's son dies because the Lord was 'displeased'. However, David and Bathsheba did have another son, Solomon, whom God blessed beyond measure. Many experts will tell you that Solomon was the richest and wisest man to ever live on this earth.

As for David... well, in Acts 13:22, God describes David by saying, 'I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.' Isn't that the ultimate compliment?! David was a man after God's own heart.

Does that seem at all weird to you? God actually blesses a man who committed adultery? Yep, that's what it says.

So, what can we learn from this story?

Even the best intentioned people fail sometimes - and fail BIG. This is nothing that we should be afraid of. David failed often (just like Abraham in the previous blog entry), but he never gave up.
Failure is not final and can be overcome. David continued to learn and grow and do his very best to serve. He was truly sorry for his mistakes and did his best to make up for them.
What do you have to worry about anyway? It's not like your failure is going to be published in the Bible! So, you live with it for a few days, weeks, years. Look, David's failures are timelessly recorded in the #1 best seller of all of eternity. (And you were worried about what your boss said in that email. ;)

Sometimes our very best isn't good enough in the world's eyes, but it's really all that we have to offer at that time. When you act with pure intentions, it may not always turn out as you expected but you will always have your integrity and you will have strengthened your mind, your heart, your body and your soul.

I want to encourage you to look your fear of failure directly in the eye and realize that it's just one of the thoughts that is in your mind. You can choose at any time to think another thought - try it!

Instead of fearing possible failure, what would you dare to accomplish if you knew you couldn't fail? Go on, give it a try. I promise that if you mess up, it won't be as bad as you imagined AND it won't be published in the Bible for all to see.

(All Bible quotes are from the New International Version.)

So you think you've failed? (Part 1)

2007-03-05T07:30:00.000-06:00

As I coach, I am blessed to have the opportunity to connect with people in a deep and meaningful way. I have talked with CEOs, moms, VPs, pastors, business owners, sales professionals, and consultants. One thing that is frequently appears throughout the conversations is the fear of failure.

So, today I wanted to share a story with you. Many of you may recognize it because it is well over 2000 years old. I am hoping that I can give you a new perspective that puts it in a little different light. It's a story from the Bible about a man named Abram.

Here's how it goes from Genesis 12:1-4 of the Bible...

The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you. "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you." So Abram left, as the LORD had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Haran.

Ok, now here we have our protagonist, Abram, who was asked by God to go somewhere. God didn't give him directions, He just said that He would show Abram the way. WOW! How trusting of Abram to just pick up everything and go!

So what did Abram do? Let's read a few more verses... (Gen 12:10-16)

Now there was a famine in the land, and Abram went down to Egypt to live there for a while because the famine was severe. As he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai, "I know what a beautiful woman you are. When the Egyptians see you, they will say, 'This is his wife.' Then they will kill me but will let you live. Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you."
When Abram came to Egypt, the Egyptians saw that she was a very beautiful woman. And when Pharaoh's officials saw her, they praised her to Pharaoh, and she was taken into his palace. He treated Abram well for her sake, and Abram acquired sheep and cattle, male and female donkeys, menservants and maidservants, and camels.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!?! Abram ran into a little trouble (ok, a famine) and then brokered a deal with his WIFE. He thought they, the Egyptians, would kill him to take his wife, so Abram basically SOLD HIS WIFE to the Pharoah for lots and lots of things. Today we'd call him the lowest of pimps, right?

I mean, he did get all kinds of good stuff for her... today it would've been MP3 players, SUVs, mansions with maids and butlers, HDTV with DVR as well as ca$h - just terrific stuff. I mean, terrific if you don't mind putting a price on your wife.

So then what happened? (Gen 12:17-20)

But the LORD inflicted serious diseases on Pharaoh and his household because of Abram's wife Sarai. So Pharaoh summoned Abram. "What have you done to me?" he said. "Why didn't you tell me she was your wife? Why did you say, 'She is my sister,' so that I took her to be my wife? Now then, here is your wife. Take her and go!" Then Pharaoh gave orders about Abram to his men, and they sent him on his way, with his wife and everything he had.

So God punished the Pharoah because Abram lied to him! Is that whacked? In today's world, we'd look at Abram and call him a real swindler.

In Abram's own eyes, he was a total failure. Here was a good man making a BIG mistake. But, God knew he was trying to do his very best and so Abram (Abraham) was rewarded anyway.

You may think that is the end of the story, but it's not. Look what Abraham did in Genesis 20:1-3.

Now Abraham moved on from there into the region of the Negev and lived between Kadesh and Shur. For a while he stayed in Gerar, and there Abraham said of his wife Sarah, "She is my sister." Then Abimelech king of Gerar sent for Sarah and took her. But God came to Abimelech in a dream one night and said to him, "You are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken; she is a married woman."

Yes, you read that correctly! Abraham (formerly known as Abram) told the king that his wife was his sister. His excuse (see if this sounds familiar):

And Abimelech asked Abraham, "What was your reason for doing this?" Abraham replied, "I said to myself, 'There is surely no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife.'

And what happened to Abraham?

Then Abimelech brought sheep and cattle and male and female slaves and gave them to Abraham, and he returned Sarah his wife to him. And Abimelech said, "My land is before you; live wherever you like." To Sarah he said, "I am giving your brother a thousand shekels of silver. This is to cover the offense against you before all who are with you; you are completely vindicated."

So, while Abraham was truly trying to do his best, he sold off his wife TWICE! In exchange for his wife, he received lots of cool stuff. And, even when his beautiful wife was returned to him, he still got to keep all the cool stuff AND more.

My message to you today isn't a religious one. There are 2 points to it:

Don't be afraid to follow your heart - even if you're not quite sure where it leads you. God kept his promise to Abraham even though Abraham messed up a few times. Gen 12:2 "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing." Gen 22:17-18 "I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me."
In all that you do, do it with integrity, honesty and always give it your best. That doesn't mean that you won't fail - we all do. What it means is that your failure can still be rewarding to you. Abraham's failures were rewarding to him. Now, I'm not suggesting that you try to sell off your spouse - although some of you may think that is a good idea at times. ;) Be true to you - your heart and your soul - and no matter what circumstances may appear, you will not be a failure.

Come on, go do that thing today that you have been fearing. Do it with the best intentions. You can cure your fear of failure by taking action today!

Map vs. GPS

2007-02-28T09:48:00.000-06:00

Ok, I realize that the stereotypical man doesn’t like to ask for directions, but I know quite a few who are great with maps (especially refolding them). But now with the advent of the GPS (global positioning system), the stereotypical man is finally off the hook. If he owns one, he doesn't have to read a map or stop and ask for directions. What a terrific invention!!!

Alright, I hope you guys out there know that I'm only joking with you. But the GPS is truly a terrific invention. I was thinking... what if we could create GPS-like systems for the rest of our life.

Wouldn't it be great to have a GPS for our

relationships?
careers?
spiritual lives?
business development?
finances?
raising children?

Have you tried self-help courses or books or seminars to help you with any of the above? I have. They often provide terrific MAPS to get you to their 'promised land.' I have tried so many of them and they have great tips and techniques that have proven useful over my career. However, they forget to put the little "YOU ARE HERE" mark on their map and I usually end up wondering around trying to find the right road that will get me to the next road on the map. Do you ever feel like that?

Then in 2005, I found the GPS of self-help and personal development. (I know you may be thinking that I'm off my rocker, but bear with me on this and I'll share my story.)

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My Story

In 2004, my company had the senior management team attend a leadership seminar. Before we attended we had to take this weird assessment (which turned out to be the Hartman Value Profile-HVP). I am always skeptical of these assessments because I can manipulate them to say what I think my bosses want them to say.

But this one was very different, I just couldn't figure out "the catch". I mean, it asked me to rank items according to their value and the items were wacky. Here's a partial list:

a uniform
"With this ring, I thee wed."
a short circuit
Blow up an airliner in flight
Burn a heretic at the stake
a devoted scientist

I mean, the instructions were clear, but for some reason - because I wanted to 'figure it out' - I had a hard time with this. Finally, I gave in and just ranked them without trying to think of manipulating the assessment.

Now the rest of the seminar was a little 'out there'... literally. One of the speakers talked about the 6th dimension and extraterrestrials. But the assessment process stuck with me.

I started to research the HVP and found that it was based in the science of axiology that I discussed in my last blog entry. Science!! Now that is practical stuff that I can really delve into. (Yes, I have been called a geek before, so you won't be the first.)

I then found a company called 6 Advisors on the internet and they melded axiology with my favorite self-help book, The Greatest Salesman in the World by Og Mandino. It seemed to be a match made in heaven for me on the surface. Then, I took their HVP and received their interpretation of it. I was amazed that the assessment was able to measure HOW I THINK. I mean, really... some of the thoughts that I have, I consciously don't act upon. You probably have these kinds of thoughts too. This profile was able to know about those thoughts... the very core of my beliefs, emotions, choices, behaviors and actions.

Finally, a tool that could figure out where I was starting from... "YOU ARE HERE."

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This information was (and still is) invaluable to me. The $349 that I spent on the assessment was nothing compared to what I received from the assessment. Really, if you think about it... if there is a tool that can accurately assess your thoughts and find out where you are on the map, doesn't that make it a whole lot easier to chart the path to where you want to go?

I know you may think this is a shameless plug for my services, but please understand this... I so believe in this system that I walked away from a well paying corporate job as an executive consultant to bring this to YOU. Call me an eternal optimist, but I truly believe that you can have all you want to have, do all you want to do, and be all you want to be. (Sometimes you just need a little help getting out of your own way.)

Do yourself a favor and spend some time on yourself today. Take the free assessment using the link below and actually spend the time listening to and digesting the results. If you find the information in your results to be interesting and intriguing, please give me a call. You are worth it!

What are the Oscars really about?

2007-02-26T16:15:00.000-06:00

They say that 1 BILLION people watched the Academy of Motion Picture Awards show this year. WOW! That is 1/6 of the people on this earth. OK, I admit, I was one of them for a period of time.

So what are these awards really about?

Is it about recognizing people for their achievement in the motion picture industry?
Is it focused on the lives of the nominees and the winners?
Is it about freedom of expression?
Is it about political and/or moral rights and wrongs?

If it is about any of the above, you would never know it by the post-coverage of the event on the US newscasts. Without fail every report that I saw on the major TV networks talked about the clothes that the attendees were wearing. THE CLOTHES!

What does that say about our values as a society? If we look at my previous blog and review the 3 classes of value, we will see that most of the evening focused on the EXTRINSIC values. Yet, the most moving and meaningful moments of the evening were the moments that touched our hearts. Two stand out in my mind...

Jennifer Hudson
Forest Whitaker

These 2 wonderful, gifted human beings focused on INTRINSIC values. These are the values that move us... they touch our hearts, our minds, our souls.

Jennifer's acceptance speech was so... REAL! She was truly thankful to her God for allowing her to be in this place in her life. She was overwhelmed by the response to her 'gift'. Amazing!

Now, Forest Whitaker also had an acceptance speech that focused on intrinsic values. He said in his speech...

"Because when I first started acting, it was because of my desire to connect to everyone. To that thing inside each of us. That light that I believe exists in all of us. Because acting for me is about believing in that connection and it's a connection so strong, it's a connection so deep, that we feel it. And through our combined belief, we can create a new reality."

These are the things that you should try to focus on today. Focus on making that connection to other people in this world (regardless of what clothes they are wearing). People is where the true value, the true uniqueness, the irreplaceableness of our universe exists.

If you make that connection with another human being, setting aside your needs, desires, and fears - without the need to fix, feel ashamed, fear, or pretend - you will feel as though you made a difference.

Use that light that exists within you to connect to another person today!

Who are you?

2007-02-21T07:11:00.000-06:00

Do you know who you are?

It's been said that "you are what you eat". But, I'm not a salad or, if I'm being more honest, a cheeseburger and fries. The truth is that we are what and how we value. What we value and how we value are the keys to our results, our actions, our behaviors, our choices and our complete reality. Our values are the keys that unlock the doors to self-knowledge and self-acceptance.

Values are meanings, and everything of which you are conscious has meaning. Every waking minute, you are valuing or devaluing objects just by being aware of them. To be alive and alert is to be saturated with values and valuations. Had you ever thought of this before now? (Do you care? After all, that is a valuing on your part.) The immense mass of values and valuations that is your conscious life can be very confusing; but you can bring order to your initial chaos of awareness if you master some important distinctions.

Robert S. Hartman, the father of axiology, studied human value and figured out that all things fall into 3 classes of value. When you begin to understand this, it can have a huge impact on your conscious life. Here are the 3 kinds of value:

Extrinsic: Extrinsic value objects exist in the common, public, sensory world of space and time that we share with others. Extrinsic value objects can be compared and contrasted with other extrinsic value objects. They have a finite set of properties and are practical or situational.
Systemic: Systemic values do not exist in public space and time. They are not physical and perceptible things; they exist only as mental concepts constructed by our minds. They can be defined with absolute precision and every instance of them is flawless. For example, a circle that deviates slightly from being "a closed curved line with no thickness at all, every point of which is equally distant from its center" is not really a circle. These values do not have as many properties as extrinsic values and are completely conceptual and theoretical.
Intrinsic: Intrinsic value objects are unique, priceless, and irreplaceable. They can be valued an infinite number of ways.

So, now we're back to the question "who are you?" Remember, we are how and what we value. How you see yourself (and the rest of the world) depends on how you value yourself (and the rest of the world).

Do you see yourself intrinsically - as a unique, irreplaceable, priceless individual?
Or, do you see yourself extrinsically - as a person in your profession who has a finite number of characteristics or possessions?
Or, do you see yourself systemically as an imperfect human being who doesn't measure up to what your mind thinks a true, perfect human being should be?

Here's another example from Robert Hartman on valuing his wife in each of the 3 classes of value:

My one and only, my world, my heaven, my life (intrinsic: singular concepts, priceless, irreplaceable, incomparable)
A good woman (extrinsic: abstract concepts, things of the everyday world, measurable, comparable)
A female (systemic: formal concepts, mental constructs, dualistic)

You can see that how you respond to the things in your life is a direct reflection of how you value them. If Dr. Hartman only valued his wife as a female, he could easily replace her with another. If he only valued her as a good woman, it may be a bit harder, but he could replace her with another good woman. But, because he also values his wife as his "one and only", he can never find another.

Are you valuing the things in your life appropriately? Would you like to find out which of your thought processes are balanced in their capacity to value? If so, click the link to the right or below to take a free assessment. At the end, if you find the information to be accurate, intriguing, or useful, check the box to purchase your complete assessment report along with a consultation with me.

Please note that all information we receive is completely and totally confidential.